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  • New Here...

    Just wanted to introduce myself. My DH is an MD/PhD student. He finishes the PhD this December, and then he will return to med school to begin his 3rd year. He's still unsure about which specialty, but we're leaning towards opthamology. Since reading this forum, he's also had an interest in family friendly or "lifestyle" specialties. Seems like some options may be radiology and anesthesiology. We've got 2 DD's, ages 3 & 6.

    One of the things I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about right now is the move we'll likely have to make for his residency. There is no Opthamology specialty here at UNM. Our oldest DD is from my previous marriage and there is no way her dad would agree to let us move. Even though she only goes to his house every other weekend, we have joint custody, so I cannot leave unless he agrees. So at this point it's going to come down to a judge having to decide. I'm unsure as to when to start the legal ball rolling on that. How do I even request to move if I don't know where we'll be moving to? Anyone have any experience or advice to offer?

    Leaving without our DD is not an option nor is him commuting or leaving without us. It breaks my heart that if we're not able to move, he may have to choose a specialty he's not crazy about.

    I am very excited to have found this forum as it frustrates me that no one I know understands our situation. When I was voicing my concerns to my mom, she said, well why doesn't he just go into nursing instead? :funnycry: ARE YOU KIDDING?!!?!? That's like telling the president to go run for mayor! So you see my frustration!
    Charlene~Married to an attending Ophtho Mudphud and Mom to 2 daughters

  • #2
    hi and welcome! i responded to...(altho not helpful) to your post on SDN. im glad this site is up and working again so you can join us! look forward to getting to know you.
    ~shacked up with an ob/gyn~

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    • #3
      Welcome aboard!

      Glad to have you.

      I can't speak to the custody issue but I know we have people here who can.

      Jenn

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      • #4
        Welcome to the Sanity Saver !!! Glad to have you !!! :hey:

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        • #5
          Welcome!

          No advice on the custody issue other than to focus on neighboring states. I think Colorado has an ophtho residency. That is a tough spot to be in but I agree -- stay on the ROAD!

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          • #6
            Here's another vote for staying on the ROAD!
            Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
            With fingernails that shine like justice
            And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

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            • #7
              We have a friend that is in Optho - its definitely one of the easier surgical specialties IMO. Welcome to the boards.

              We have another friend that has custody issues with an older child as well. I don't know the specifics but they basically agreed to go back to the home state after residency (which they would have done anyway) and the child (who is middle school age) spends an entire month with his dad in the summer and makes X number of trips home/year on top of that. But I agree with what someone else said a neighboring state might be a good trade off.

              Welcome, you'll get a lot of support here.
              Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Suzy Sunshine
                We have a friend that is in Optho - its definitely one of the easier surgical specialties IMO. Welcome to the boards.

                We have another friend that has custody issues with an older child as well. I don't know the specifics but they basically agreed to go back to the home state after residency (which they would have done anyway) and the child (who is middle school age) spends an entire month with his dad in the summer and makes X number of trips home/year on top of that. But I agree with what someone else said a neighboring state might be a good trade off.

                Welcome, you'll get a lot of support here.
                Great suggestion Cheri!!!!

                Welcome! This site is FANTASTIC!!!!! The perspective these amazing people have brought to my life is immeasurable.
                Flynn

                Wife to post training CT surgeon; mother of three kids ages 17, 15, and 11.

                “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” —Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets " Albus Dumbledore

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                • #9
                  Welcome.

                  The custody issue is a sticky one and likely to cost a lot of money if your ex refuses to permit the out of state move. The outcome depends on so many variables. What is the threshhold test in your state: best interests or compelling circumstances? Is it a true "joint physical custody" situation or are you primary physical custodian with liberal visitation? Also, at the end of the day, it comes down to the decision of a judge. You will be better off if you can craft your own resolution to this issue. I highly recommend mediation on this issue. It will save you time and money.

                  Best of luck. BTW, please do stay in Optho. I hear good things about the lifestyle.

                  Kelly
                  In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

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                  • #10
                    Welcome! I agree to encourage DH to pursue a ROAD specialty. However, if he hasn't done his 3rd and 4th year yet, his mind regarding specialty still has time to change about a million times. I'd certainly explore your options, but don't stress too much yet!
                    -Deb
                    Wife to EP, just trying to keep up with my FOUR busy kids!

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                    • #11
                      Welcome!

                      Sorry, no real advice on the custody front. I'd consider is seeing a lawyer before even approaching your ex but I'm probably just extra cautious. Hopefully you'll find a lawyer who has had some experience with such cases or he/she will refer you to one.
                      Cristina
                      IM PGY-2

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                      • #12
                        Welcome, glad you found us. This site will become your best friend in the years to come!!!!!!
                        Luanne
                        wife, mother, nurse practitioner

                        "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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                        • #13
                          Okay dumb question here... What does stay with a "ROAD" specialty mean?

                          Thanks for all the positive encouraging responses. This feels very much like a welcoming safe place
                          Charlene~Married to an attending Ophtho Mudphud and Mom to 2 daughters

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                          • #14
                            Radiology, Ophthomology, Anesthesiology, Dermatology

                            And sometimes Emergency Medicine gets thrown in too.

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                            • #15
                              What Nellie said. It's the "ROAD" to happiness -- family friendly hours, big bucks.
                              Alison

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