GF of first year med student and TERRIFIED!

My bf just started at Western Medical Sciences in L.A. (I had to stay in Denver ) We have a very strong, healthy relationship and have decided to stick it out and try LD. He's only been gone for a week and I'm already feeling so incredibly left out and left behind...I am trying to join him at least in June if not a bit earlier.

Any tips, etc. that you can give me would be greatly appreciated...I am totally freaking out about what the coming 10 months holds!

[PrincessFiona]

Hi Briana, and welcome.

This will sound terribly un-PC, but....why not join him? Build your lives together if you can. There are LD success stories, but I think it makes it so much harder. You love him and miss him already...why not move?

kris

[planet]

Welcome Briana!

Welcome Briana!

We thought about doing LD for DH's first year of med school while I finished my degree. It only took us about 10 minutes to realize that was NOT an option for us! I feel for you.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

This was like reading my own post about a month ago.

Welcome!

My boyfriend left Boston to go to Ohio to start medical school about a month ago. We hope that I can join him sooner (maybe as soon as January) rather than later (no later than June).

It's been 5 weeks and I'm actually here visiting (he's in class right now). We're definitely making it work. I was and still am slightly terrified despite having a very strong relationship. It's very hard because he's meeting new friends and doing such exciting stuff and I feel sad that I can't share it with him. At the same time, we think it's honestly better this way; I need to keep my job for a little longer and he's making a lot more friends this way too which will help him in the long run of studying. It's definitely NOT easy but we're making it work for us.

This board is great and people have a LOT of experience and advice. Feel free to private message me if you ever want to commiserate without hijacking the boards!

Elisabeth

[Deebs]

Welcome Briana! We did M1 long distance, and I actually think it was for the better. Any of DH's spare time was spent studying (which meant he did better than he would have and I didn't feel like I was missing out on much) and I worked and saved money, which later went to bills during the rest of med school. It's tough, but can definitely be done! Good luck!

[MissCrabette]

Welcome, Briana! My (now) husband and I went through two years of long distance dating but I wouldn't recommend it. I don't know what we were both thinking at the time.

[SuzySunshine]

Welcome Brianna - we too did 14 months LD, six months of that was M1.

One tip is schedule a time to talk each week - maybe Sundays at a certain time. Pick a time when you both will be available, if you have that to look forward to you'll feel better then calling him when he's in the middle of something or tired. You'll both look forward to it.

I also visited as much as I could, about once every other month even if it was just fly out Friday evening and back Sunday afternoon. But make sure its a weekend when he's free. Don't schedule it before a big group of tests, you'll just make each other miserable.

Stick with your activities, or create your own, in Denver. Keep yourself busy during the week so that you're not sitting at home depressed because he's not around. I had a great group of friends that would drag me out and also got a roommate so that I didn't live alone.

DH and I had been together for 1 1/2 when we started our LD, we've now been together for 10 and married for 5.

[Tenacious_D]

Welcome...you have certainly come the right place.

I agree with Kris and think that you should try to move together as soon as you can. His med friends will become your circle of friends too and depending on his study style, you can definitely spend a lot of quality time together during first year since it isn't the most difficult in terms of scheduling.

[migirl]

Hi and welcome!

We were LD for the first two years of med school, after second year we got married and I moved from Michigan to Washington, DC to be with DH while he finished med school.

Cheri has some great advice, we did those things too (scheduled phone calls, frequent visits). It wasn't too miserable, and we got through it and have now been married (and living together ) for 7+ years.

Good luck, and post often!

Thank you all so much! I think being on here will help a lot, you all seem so supportive. I'd definitely like to move out there, but I just got a great promotion and would like to work that to my advantage with wanting to get into UCLA.

So it's a tough predicament. I would LOVE to move out there in January, but it looks like June is the best I can hope for...luckily with the new job, I can afford to get out there twice a month.

::sigh:: Tell me it gets easier!

[SuzySunshine]

::sigh:: Tell me it gets easier!

It gets easier (med school) and then it gets harder (residency). Our LD was Denver to Palo Alto so luckily flights are pretty easy to come by. Congrats on the promotion, I stayed in Denver b/c of a job too - you have the make the decisions that are right for you at the time.

[GrayMatterWife]

Hi Briana, and welcome.

This will sound terribly un-PC, but....why not join him? Build your lives together if you can. There are LD success stories, but I think it makes it so much harder. You love him and miss him already...why not move?

kris

I second that...but in a probably less delicate way (shock!). Screw PC...join him if you want to. My DH and I have lived apart as a married couple before and it is hard. Life is too short for separation, if you can avoid it.

Welcome! And congrats on your promotion.
DH and I were dating when he started med school. We were long distance for the first two years. Really 10 months will fly by and then you can join him. You've gotten some great tips already on making the most of LD. The 10 months apart will give you a chance to focus on your goals--getting into UCLA, your job, spending time with your friends, etc. It will also give him a chance to focus on M1. My DH probably did better during M1 and M2 b/c his lovely GF (me) wasn't around to distract him.
Good luck to you!

[ud_grad]

Hello and welcome!

I was with my now husband for 5 years prior to med school and was used to having him around (we went to college together). Med school was quite an adjustment for us (well, for me anyway!).

The only tips I have that worked for us was that we had a scheduled time to talk each night at 9pm. Most of the time it was a 5 minute 'how was your day' conversation, but at least we connected daily.

The other piece of advice I have is to make sure you maintain some independence and keep a supportive circle of friends around you. Go out and enjoy yourself when you can, don't always sit and wait for him to be free. You'll need that independence beyond med school too; during residency and beyond.