Hey Everyone! GF of Future Med Student...

[Tenacious_D]

You are doing the right thing by researching as much as possible as early as possible. I was an SDN (student doctor network) addict while DH was contemplating and applying to med school. In terms of finances, save where you can but it can definitely be done. We have some friends here who have kids and one parent is SAHP while the other is in med school. Education loans are a beautiful thing

Thanks! I thought the same thing... I mean he is in SDN reading and doing research all the time. I think the earlier we know the larger advantage we have of knowing what is to come. I know you can't paint a pretty chart and follow it life isn't like that but because he has the potential and ambition to do it I need to prepare whats coming.

[ud_grad]

I am here because I want to understand the hardships that he will go through and be able to encourage him that this is the right thing to do.

Ok, well all I can do is be honest with you. If you are still with him when he does go to med school in four years, it will be tough. My DH took med school VERY seriously and I rarely saw him. He lived on campus during the first two years because he wanted to immerse himself into it entirely. He made a group of friends that were a study group, and I saw him usually for a few hours on the weekend. If there was a test, I didn't see him that weekend at all. I know for others this was a different experience but this is how it was for us. Also, his personality drastically changed. He became someone I did not enjoy being around. The stress that he put on himself made him miserable. I could not alleviate that for him.

He started med school 5 years into a very solid relationship with me and it nearly broke us. I fell asleep many, many nights wondering if things would work out for us. The best thing about those years was that I reclaimed my independence again. After being attached at the hip for 5 years, it was hard, but it prepared me for residency.

Luckily at the end of med school after lots of soul searching, I felt that we still did want to get together and that things would not be like this forever. So, after nine years together, we got married - conveniently planned in the three weeks between med school and residency. I planned the wedding, awaited match day to see where I would live, we bought a house a month after that, settled one month after we made the offer, fixed up the house and got married three weeks later, went on a honeymoon and he began residency three weeks after that. It was quite a whirlwind.

So, then he started his intern year of General Surgery. I saw him more often than I did in med school (we lived together now), but he was even MORE miserable. He loved what he was doing but he was working 100 hrs a week and being crapped on as a first year. He was on call 2x/week (meaning he would leave at 5am on a Monday, work overnight, keep working until around noon on Tuesday, return home and sleep). Meanwhile I'm working my 40 hr/week 8-5pm job. Our schedules conflicted entirely and we were miserable. We also had a tragic death in the family that compounded the whole situation. It took a long 6-8 months to get a grip on our new life and come up with solutions on how to deal.

Now we are in year three and have a baby. Basically what my life boils down to is that I am responsible for working, cleaning, cooking, all house responsibilities, and all child responsibilities. He leaves before we get up and returns home around 8pm, after I've had dinner and am getting ready to take the baby up to bed. I put her to sleep, have a 1/2 to myself, and go to bed. Even though I'm working more now than ever, things between DH and myself are better because we've found better ways to deal with each other.

I know when not to talk to him. I know to leave him alone after an on call night. I know not to rely on him, or make any definite plans. We sleep in separate rooms since we were waking each other up during the night. I'm extremely independent, but am thankful to have a network of people - family and friends - to support me when needed. Our true family moments are short and fleeting, but I cherish them. I hope that when our babies are older, their daddy will be around more. We are slowly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel - only 2 more years of residency and 2 of a fellowship until his training is done. Hopefully that will at least afford me the opportunity to be a SAHM and take care of our family.

Like I said in the beginning, the experience is different for everyone. This is just my experience. If you have questions, I'm more than happy to answer them honestly for you.

[ud_grad]

Oh, I forgot one very obvious thing I did not ever think of before he started residency:

Weekends mean nothing at the hospital. DH gets 4 days off per month, but they don't necessarily coincide with mine. We may not have the same day off together for 3-4 weeks.