Needing some support...please....

Just feeling totally helpless today. It is terrible but I feel like I have to beg for my SO's time lately. I know I'm not priority number 1 right now, but I don't even feel like number 2...in fact, I feel like I'm behind even his friends at school.

It's so hard being apart and not understanding what he's going through. Please throw any and ALL advice/comfort you have at me...I appreciate it so much all.

Bri

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Needing some support...please....

It's really late here, so I will respond tomorrow. But just wanted to let you know that someone saw your post! Most of us have been there. Hang in there and remember...you're probably number one in his thoughts!

[Momo]

Re: Needing some support...please....

:therethere:

[Meenah]

Re: Needing some support...please....

I feel your pain. I know that the hospital almost always come before me and it sucks. Hang out here and you will get lots of understanding.

[houseelf]

Re: Needing some support...please....

Welcome,

Medicine is a lonely field for the the partner. I'm sorry that you are currently going through this.

Kelly

Re: Needing some support...please....

Hang in there, you certainly are not alone in your experience.

[locumtenenswife]

Re: Needing some support...please....

It's really hard having a partner and feeling you're not #1 priority for them. I had the same struggle with my husband all through his residency, and it put a strain on our relationship. It gets better after residency, although if he's planning on doing a fellowship, you may still feel that you and your relationship is on the back burner.

I went to counseling to work out some of the feelings I was having, and it helped tremendously. My counselor had some recommendations for me that worked wonders. What helped for my husband and I was giving him an hour to detach from work after the end of his work day and planning our time together, just the way he scheduled things with work and with his friends. For example, hubby would come home from work, and instead of expecting his attention right away, I would greet him with a hug and a kiss and then tell him I was giving his some time for himself and then leave -- Either leave the house and run errands or go into another room and do something else. The time you give him to detach from work allows him to process his day so that when you come back in an hour, he's better prepared to give you the attention you desire. Also, plan to have at least an hour together everyday for dinner conversation or intimacy. Turn off any distractions (TV, kids, pets, etc.) Make sure you're not just watching TV together on the couch, he has to be completely focused on you and you have to be completely focused on him. Initially it may feel awkward to plan your time with him like this, but it will satisfy your need for his attention and you won't feel shortchanged because during your planned time together you will be his #1 priority. Also, planning your time with your husband will resolve a lot of the anxiety you're feeling about how you're not his #1 priority, and free you spend you're time doing other things that you enjoy.

Have faith that in his heart he's still in love with you and you are still #1! Good Luck and best wishes! We're all pulling for you!

[moonlight]

Re: Needing some support...please....

That is excellent advice!!

Re: Needing some support...please....

Hang in there Briana.
Personally I found med school to be way worse than residency so far, there was always something else to study or another residency program to look into for my husband. I was definitely way down his list. Your long distance situation cant help! Sorry things suck right now.

Re: Needing some support...please....

Thank you all so much. Just knowing that other people are here and have gone through it too helps so much.

That IS great advice...unfortunately, we are long distance right now, he is in California and I am in Colorado. So spending time is hard. Hopefully I'll be out there soon, though...it's just been tough getting used to it. Thank you all so much again. I need to buck up!!!

Re: Needing some support...please....

Welcome Brianna, and yep we have all felt that way one time or another. Hope to get to know you better.

[weeniegeniewife]

Re: Needing some support...please....

Welcome,

Medicine is a lonely field for the the partner. I'm sorry that you are currently going through this.

Kelly

Re: Needing some support...please....

I feel for ya...

Luckily, we've come to the understanding that when he has a choice, both family and me and number one. Some days I need to remind myself of that more than once (or twice..)

Laura

Re: Needing some support...please....

Yes, just try to hang in there. I luckily never had the long distance experience thing to go through, thank goodness!! But I do remember while going through medical school that it was very lonely at times. BUT when he finished up a demanding rotation or finished cramming for the exam, he always would go back to his "normal" not so stressed out self and we could enjoy each other even more. Everyone posted such great advice, but I just wanted to reiterate that you have great company here.