Hello, and dealing with stress

Just wanted to introduce myself to the group. I stumbled across this site over the weekend and was so happy to find other people out there who are also dealing with a spouse in medicine.

My husband is a third year internal medicine resident who will start an ID fellowship next July. He's also thinking of a second one-year fellowship in palliative care. We live in Washington, DC, have been married for 1-1/2 years and have known each other for more than six years. We're waiting until fellowship to start our family.

I was wondering -- how do you all deal with the anxiety that comes from knowing our spouses are completely overworked? My husband is completely sleep deprived and unhappy with his job. Lately I'm feeling extra stressed out about his physical and mental condition, even though I know parts of medical school and intern year were probably worse than this year. I'm trying to remain upbeat and cheerful.

Any advice? Thanks and I'm glad you're all out there!

[DCJenn]

Hi Jill!

Well, first, welcome to the group- we're glad you found us! (and let me say that I'm totally jealous that you're in DC, as I am from there and would love nothing more than to somehow get home!)

I remember the raging negativity from internship year. My husband hated everything about medicine! He was hallucinating from lack of sleep and actually was puilled over for weaving one day - the policeman thought he was drunk and almost made him call me to come get him!

I think really, all you can do is remind him that you love him and that you want to help him take care of himself. Make sure that when he is home, he can sleep wihtout interuption. The negative attitude (at least for us) went away with more sleep.

Good luck and do keep us posted!

Jenn

[PrincessFiona]

Welcome

Welcome from one ID spouse to another My dh finished his ID fellowship last year and we are finally out there in the real world!

As to the anxiety about our spouses being overworked...wow...that's a big question. I found that those were some of the worst times in our marriage...and what helped me along the way eventually was realizing that it was temporary. There is a natural 'ebb and flow' in relationships and residency/fellowship just exacerbates this...My husband was also very burned-out and unhappy with the choice that he had made to go into medicine...but this has been gradually subsiding...He was in a fairly malignant fellowship program, which added to the stress and anger.....We're a little more than one year out and all I can do is stretch out my hand to you and offer you hope...it does get better...eventually, there will be financial rewards (well, at least you'll finally be able to pay off your student loans ) and the stress will subside.

Welcome aboard!!

Kris

Hi and welcome!

I agree that it's hard to see your husband overworked and over-tired. The day or two after his first round of exams, my boyfriend was exhausted and burnt and looked it! And this was his only his first round of exams. My thoughts are to make sure your husband's eating well and getting sleep as much as he can. Maybe even taking some stress reliever breaks like a long walk. Fitting in exercise has always helped me...the hard part is finding the time.

Good luck and welcome to the boards!

[houseelf]

Hi Jill!

My hubby and I just had a talk about his constant sleep-deprived, constantly stressed-out status the other night. After 2 and 1/2 years of residency, it is hard for me to separate what is attributable to his overworked condition and what is attributable to him. It can be really difficult to muddle through all this. That is why we're here at this board going through this together. We're glad to have you.

Kelly

Thanks for all the replies and welcomes. It's great to know there are other people out there dealing with similar situations. The further we get into this nightmare rotation the worse things seem to get...Nov. 4 is the last day of two really bad rotations in a row and I am looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Today was a hard day...my husband was on call yesterday and still isn't home (it's about 7:30 p.m. EDT). Anyway, see you all in further postings!

Jill

Welcome to the group and yes, it sucks to see your spouse be exhausted all the time. He's hardly home and when he is, he's sleeping. Then he gets up and it starts all over again. Then when he has a moment, he feels sorry for himself because he sees other friends who barely got through college making twice and sometimes 3 times what he's making and getting alot more sleep!

Sometimes all you can do is to remember that you're in it for the long haul. Don't let it get the best of you. Some rotations will be better than others but in the end you can look back and say, "Hey, look what we overcame!" Hang in there!