Dealing with marriage...

I just found this site tonight, and I am looking forward to using it for support! My name is Becky and I am married to a second year medical student. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, and we dated five years prior to marriage. I am also a full time student getting my master's in physical therapy.

We survived the first year without any problems. This year has been quite different, especially the past few weeks. We have been fighting a lot more lately. We don't see each other nearly as much lately. I have come to realize that I am no longer his first priority, and this concept really hurt. I am glad to learn that I am not alone. It is definitely hard being the SO of a medical student... I'm glad that I have found a place for support!!!

Thanks for listening!!!

Welcome to the board Becky!!!!

I remember the 2nd year very well!!! We went through a similar thing. The first year went great and I thought ... this medical school stuff isn't too bad!!! The 2nd year was an eye opener. You will get through it though and the next couple of years weren't nearly as difficult for us. I really think it is the 2nd year when you find out what coping strategies work best for you. The time goes by so fast, which makes it doable.

My name is Robin and my husband is in his internship year. We will be in San Antonio four years as he does his anesthesia residency. We have 4 boys that keep us busy and I also work at home on my computer doing medical transcription. Life is never dull here!

Again ... Welcome ... This a great group of people!!!

[Michele]

Ahh....the first year is hard! My name is Michele (duh!) and my finace is a first year med student. We're getting married in March. I'm a second year vet student. Hopefully my busy clinic schedule will keep me occupied as much as he will be next year!

Welcome Becky!!

Michele

[houseelf]

Becky,

The good news is that the second year of medical school seems to be the hardest for everyone. Hopefully, this will give the current situation a more temporary feeling.

Congrats on pursuing your Masters in P.T.! My college roommate loves the field. It is pays decent, is super family friendly (she was able to cut down to 8 hours a week after the birth of her twins), and it really helps people on a meaningful and personal level. I guess that I'm trying to offer you some positive news about your profession!

Welcome to the board. I can tell you that you have find the right group to express your feelings about frustrations with medical school! I look forward to meeting you below.

Kelly

[DCJenn]

Hi Becky!

I have heard that 2nd year is the worst as far as medical school goes. I was lucky and didn't meet my husband until he was halfway done with his third year of medical school!

But he said it was very difficult and his girlfriend at the time (who apparently had a myriad of other issues) couldn't handle it at all!

You'll get through it. Just keep the lines of communication open and come and visit us often!

Jenn

[Meenah]

Welcome,
This is a great place for support. My husband was way past training when we met, but the issue of not being the priority is always there. I know that he would like for it to be, but in medicine things are really different. I sometimes have difficulty with it, and I also work in the hospital. I am a nurse, so at least we get to work together some of the time, and we usually have lunch. Hang in there, there will be good and bad days. Use this place to cope with both!!
Luanne

[Auspicious]

Hi Becky,

My live-in boyfriend is a first-year med student, and mostly I'm just surprised and impressed that you survived the first year without any problems. You'll be able to offer at least as much advice around here as you receive.

If you want to offer up any specifics about how things change exactly between first year and second year, or what kind of events transpired to make you feel that med school had moved into the top priority spot for him, I'm interested in hearing more. I always feel like the role I play in my boyfriend's life and the role med school plays are an apples-and-oranges comparison--I'd have a hard time saying which is a bigger priority for him, since he clearly needs both but for different reasons. Maybe this is a shift our relationship just hasn't hit yet.

Fighting is definitely no fun, especially when you know from past experience how great things between you can be when they're running more smoothly. I definitely feel your pain on that one.

At any rate, welcome to the boards, and I look forward to getting to know you better.

Julie

Wow!!

Thank you everyone for your replies. As I am sure you all know, it is so nice to finally realize that I am not alone on this one! For the past couple of weeks I began thinking that it was me and something I had done wrong. I think the hardest part right now is adjusting to this shift in priorities and lifestyle. I never realized how hard it would be, especially with how easy it was beforehand. It is definitely going to take some work on my part to be more understanding and not be so defensive and quick to jump to conclusions as to why he is not around as much and paying less attention to "us". Believe me, it is going to be hard to bite my tongue at times, but I can do it! Again, thanks so much. After finding this site and reading your replies, I was amazed at the weight lifted off my shoulders and out of my mind... I even got an entire nights sleep! THANK YOU!

Welcome Becky!

I'm glad to hear you've gotten a good night's sleep...I know that always helps me.

My bfriend is a first-year student and so I'm new to this whole thing. A big struggle for me was to realize that I'm flexible with time whereas med school isn't. I can rearrange my schedule to fit his and although this feels like I'm less of a priority because I have to work around his med school schedule....I know that it's only because of the time restrictions that I don't always have. I'm trying to remember this...but it's hard! Remember that it takes work for both of you as well...a big thing for me is to know when to suck things up and when it's an important issue to discuss with my boyfriend. I used to keep things to myself and then blow up later. I try to solve things as I go along as much as possible now.

I look forward to hearing more about your experiences. Welcome to a great place!

Sharon