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Hey Everyone,
My name is Filip and I honestly don't know how big my intro is gonna be but here I go... I am married to a 1st year Anesthesiology slave, err resident and I now live in Pittsburgh.
First of I am glad that this community exists because I believe that we deserve as much support (if not more) as our family fellow residents. Don't get me wrong, I know we all love our significant others and try to help them in every step we can but the fact of the matter is that we have personally put a lot of things on pause and adopted a totally different lifestyle so that we can stay with our beloved ones.
So here is my story... I've been together with my wife for almost 8 years now. I met her my freshman year at Cornell and fell in love with her after a couple of months of finding out how fantastic and wonderful she is. I was a business major and back then I was extremely competetive; very hungry to go out there to the real world and dominate something business wise. Never would I think in a million years that I would be where I am right now and play more of a role as a house husband. I realized that I would have to make a sacrifice if back then my girlfriend was gonna get into med school. Either I pursue a career where I control the path of my life and in all likelyhood have to live someplace else where my loved one would be OR I stick with her while she goes through medical school and somehow find work and things to do in order to keep myself occupied. Well I chose to stick with her and drop my incompatible (or almost impossible) plan of being a hungry business man.
I proposed to my wife and came to an oral agreement that after she is done with all the med schooling, the residencies, the fellowship years, indentured hospital slavery.... that we would live someplace where I wanted to live. Well so far things have been going pretty well. After Cornell my wife and I went back to her state of origin, Hawaii... I don't wish anyone to go and live there for a period of four years cause quite honestly living on an island thats about 25 miles in radius and 3000 miles away from the mainland can be very depressing. Heck, I'll be honest with you and tell ya that I did love Hawaii for many reasons and there was a ton of stuff I've seen there that otherwise I would never experience but overall I am a guy who LOVES to car travel and being on a tiny island and seeing nothing but the ocean in every direction you look can be quite frightening. Besides that its very expensive, very low paying and very limited in almost every way (not to mention its extremely segregated so heaven forbid if you're not Japanese, white or Chinese and I am sorry to say that but thats how it is there). Anyway that was an adventurous four years of my life that although I enjoyed, I wouldn't wanna go through again.
Anyway... four years later (the present time) my wife got a residency here in Pittsburgh. When I heard that she got accepted on the mainland and in one of the cities I wanted to live I finally understood what inmates feel like when their parole is approved. That morning when we found out I went nuts. I have to say Pittsburgh has been a real blessing for me and I am quite happy here. I do miss Hawaii but not enough to wanna live there (oh and I don't mean to offend anyone from there). ... OK I really went off the tangent.
So what have I been doing since my wife got into med school. Well I started my own business. I am a web developer, http://www.WebPageCreation.org is my company and you're welcome to check out what happens when your weekends are absorbed by the fact that your wife has to study like a dog. For the past four years I have ran a pretty darn successful web company and I am happy that I chose a profession thats very portable. I guess a tip of advice for everyone is to find some type of a hobby or some type of work thats very portable and that you can keep yourself quite occupied when your loved ones are either studying like mad (in medical school) or have to work more hours then there are in a week.
Anyway as a reward for reading this far I want to share some tips and secrets that I think will make your relationship a lot stronger and a last forever... so, thanks for reading this far...
1. Relational Priorities: Lets face it doctors have one of the highest divorce rates in the world. No matter what's happening try to give your loved one a higher priority then you do yourself. I don't mean to make this sound negative but u have to remember that these people go through a ton of @#%$, have to memorize more books in a year then most of American will read in a life time and in residency they have to work 24 hr. days and so on. So what does all of this boil down to? Well be supportive and learn to give up the small pleasures you take and realize that their day off is a big thing for them. Just be supportive. We don't have to do this but we should. I wanna make sure that whatever my wife wants to do on her day off I am there to enjoy it with her cause her free time is very precious.
2. Travel: what travel? Get yourself a good support group if u like to travel and either go with someone else or go on your own. Just make sure that u dont go with someone who will make your spouse jealous. Lastly, going back to point one if your spouse wants to go someplace then help them out and go with their choice for now (again u don't have to but its the extra step that u take which will make you a true hero by selecting their travel destination over yours).
3. Love Life... Don't nag them too much for some axione. They are swamped and physically exhausted. When they have the time you will be rewarded. U can remind them once in awhile but don't sound like a broken record. Lastly if u feel real frustrated or anything start running, do stairs, play video games, go lift weights (my favorite). Oh and remember don't get jealous or paranoid when they are on call. They are there for a reason. It took me awhile to get used to the fact that my wife has to stay at a hospital over night but thats just something u gotta deal with.
4. Money: Get yourself a job that pays well (like web development) or learn to live on a smaller budget and be wise about it. Hide as many credit cards as you can and only use them for emergency purposes. Just because your spouse will make good money doesn't mean that they ARE making good money at the present! In all likelyhood they are YEARS away from making that dough so don't be a shopping flake.
5. Careers: Chose something that will not be as time competetive as your spouses career. If you can, choose something that has flexible hours and doesn't drain you mentally or physically on a daily basis. I personally am very lucky I found a career where I work from home because I can take care of the cooking, keeping the place clean and taking care of the mickey mouse errands (bank, post office, drug run... just kidding). Just remember that if you select a career that is a serious thing and demands a ton of your attention you will notice that your personal relationship will suffer. I have seen couples that both are real busy and can handle that and raise a family but this is not for everyone so be warned...
6. Advice for Guys: Some of you (like me) are gonna become a house husband of a role but don't view this in a negative way. Many of us are gonna have families and there will be a point where either you or your wife has to take time off from work to help raise the kids. OK now put your pride aside and ask yourself this; should I take the time off (maybe even quit or get fired) from a job that pays $60k a year and take care of the kids while my wife stays at her work and makes $150k/yr. OR should my wife take time off her job that pays $150k/yr. and I will work making the $60k/yr. Duh... Besides it can be a lot of fun being with the kids. Just be smart about it and realize that we have to drop our traditional values and make the right decision here...
OK I am tired of writing. Hey thanks very much for listening to me vent. he he he my wife is on call tonight so I am doing a bit of web surfing. Oh, if u wanna get a hold of me the best way to do it is via email: filip@webpagecreation.org
Ciao!
Filip
http://www.WebPageCreation.Org
My name is Filip and I honestly don't know how big my intro is gonna be but here I go... I am married to a 1st year Anesthesiology slave, err resident and I now live in Pittsburgh.
First of I am glad that this community exists because I believe that we deserve as much support (if not more) as our family fellow residents. Don't get me wrong, I know we all love our significant others and try to help them in every step we can but the fact of the matter is that we have personally put a lot of things on pause and adopted a totally different lifestyle so that we can stay with our beloved ones.
So here is my story... I've been together with my wife for almost 8 years now. I met her my freshman year at Cornell and fell in love with her after a couple of months of finding out how fantastic and wonderful she is. I was a business major and back then I was extremely competetive; very hungry to go out there to the real world and dominate something business wise. Never would I think in a million years that I would be where I am right now and play more of a role as a house husband. I realized that I would have to make a sacrifice if back then my girlfriend was gonna get into med school. Either I pursue a career where I control the path of my life and in all likelyhood have to live someplace else where my loved one would be OR I stick with her while she goes through medical school and somehow find work and things to do in order to keep myself occupied. Well I chose to stick with her and drop my incompatible (or almost impossible) plan of being a hungry business man.
I proposed to my wife and came to an oral agreement that after she is done with all the med schooling, the residencies, the fellowship years, indentured hospital slavery.... that we would live someplace where I wanted to live. Well so far things have been going pretty well. After Cornell my wife and I went back to her state of origin, Hawaii... I don't wish anyone to go and live there for a period of four years cause quite honestly living on an island thats about 25 miles in radius and 3000 miles away from the mainland can be very depressing. Heck, I'll be honest with you and tell ya that I did love Hawaii for many reasons and there was a ton of stuff I've seen there that otherwise I would never experience but overall I am a guy who LOVES to car travel and being on a tiny island and seeing nothing but the ocean in every direction you look can be quite frightening. Besides that its very expensive, very low paying and very limited in almost every way (not to mention its extremely segregated so heaven forbid if you're not Japanese, white or Chinese and I am sorry to say that but thats how it is there). Anyway that was an adventurous four years of my life that although I enjoyed, I wouldn't wanna go through again.
Anyway... four years later (the present time) my wife got a residency here in Pittsburgh. When I heard that she got accepted on the mainland and in one of the cities I wanted to live I finally understood what inmates feel like when their parole is approved. That morning when we found out I went nuts. I have to say Pittsburgh has been a real blessing for me and I am quite happy here. I do miss Hawaii but not enough to wanna live there (oh and I don't mean to offend anyone from there). ... OK I really went off the tangent.
So what have I been doing since my wife got into med school. Well I started my own business. I am a web developer, http://www.WebPageCreation.org is my company and you're welcome to check out what happens when your weekends are absorbed by the fact that your wife has to study like a dog. For the past four years I have ran a pretty darn successful web company and I am happy that I chose a profession thats very portable. I guess a tip of advice for everyone is to find some type of a hobby or some type of work thats very portable and that you can keep yourself quite occupied when your loved ones are either studying like mad (in medical school) or have to work more hours then there are in a week.
Anyway as a reward for reading this far I want to share some tips and secrets that I think will make your relationship a lot stronger and a last forever... so, thanks for reading this far...
1. Relational Priorities: Lets face it doctors have one of the highest divorce rates in the world. No matter what's happening try to give your loved one a higher priority then you do yourself. I don't mean to make this sound negative but u have to remember that these people go through a ton of @#%$, have to memorize more books in a year then most of American will read in a life time and in residency they have to work 24 hr. days and so on. So what does all of this boil down to? Well be supportive and learn to give up the small pleasures you take and realize that their day off is a big thing for them. Just be supportive. We don't have to do this but we should. I wanna make sure that whatever my wife wants to do on her day off I am there to enjoy it with her cause her free time is very precious.
2. Travel: what travel? Get yourself a good support group if u like to travel and either go with someone else or go on your own. Just make sure that u dont go with someone who will make your spouse jealous. Lastly, going back to point one if your spouse wants to go someplace then help them out and go with their choice for now (again u don't have to but its the extra step that u take which will make you a true hero by selecting their travel destination over yours).
3. Love Life... Don't nag them too much for some axione. They are swamped and physically exhausted. When they have the time you will be rewarded. U can remind them once in awhile but don't sound like a broken record. Lastly if u feel real frustrated or anything start running, do stairs, play video games, go lift weights (my favorite). Oh and remember don't get jealous or paranoid when they are on call. They are there for a reason. It took me awhile to get used to the fact that my wife has to stay at a hospital over night but thats just something u gotta deal with.
4. Money: Get yourself a job that pays well (like web development) or learn to live on a smaller budget and be wise about it. Hide as many credit cards as you can and only use them for emergency purposes. Just because your spouse will make good money doesn't mean that they ARE making good money at the present! In all likelyhood they are YEARS away from making that dough so don't be a shopping flake.
5. Careers: Chose something that will not be as time competetive as your spouses career. If you can, choose something that has flexible hours and doesn't drain you mentally or physically on a daily basis. I personally am very lucky I found a career where I work from home because I can take care of the cooking, keeping the place clean and taking care of the mickey mouse errands (bank, post office, drug run... just kidding). Just remember that if you select a career that is a serious thing and demands a ton of your attention you will notice that your personal relationship will suffer. I have seen couples that both are real busy and can handle that and raise a family but this is not for everyone so be warned...
6. Advice for Guys: Some of you (like me) are gonna become a house husband of a role but don't view this in a negative way. Many of us are gonna have families and there will be a point where either you or your wife has to take time off from work to help raise the kids. OK now put your pride aside and ask yourself this; should I take the time off (maybe even quit or get fired) from a job that pays $60k a year and take care of the kids while my wife stays at her work and makes $150k/yr. OR should my wife take time off her job that pays $150k/yr. and I will work making the $60k/yr. Duh... Besides it can be a lot of fun being with the kids. Just be smart about it and realize that we have to drop our traditional values and make the right decision here...
OK I am tired of writing. Hey thanks very much for listening to me vent. he he he my wife is on call tonight so I am doing a bit of web surfing. Oh, if u wanna get a hold of me the best way to do it is via email: filip@webpagecreation.org
Ciao!
Filip
http://www.WebPageCreation.Org
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