A Nice Hello from a Beginner

Hello All! Let me just congratulate all of the wives and husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends, who have stuck throught the storms for their spouses, mates, and families. It definitely seems like a very hard situation to deal with and at the same time it must be rewarding because although one deals with the pain and loneliness at times, the reward is that they are doing it and that they are seeing things in themselves that they might not have seen if their spouse wasn't in Med School/ Residency/ or a Doctor.

I am a Beginner because this is my boyfriend's first year in Medical School. We have been together for 4 years on and off and have been used to being apart since I was at Rutgers NJ and he was at Chapel Hill NC for our undergraduate college years. It's just this seems more tough because we are now just 2 hours away from each other and can barely talk or see each other and I know it's just going to get worse. He wants to be best friends forever no matter what happens with our relationship. I know I can see this as a great thing for the both of us, for instance, I can really focus on what I want to do with my life while he is in Medical School, but it's scary to have the hope that you're going to end up with someone when it's this early. And I've read a lot of forums in here that seem so painful to deal with. It seems that I just have to be that friend and see what happens right? I mean what would you all say to a Beginner like me? Thank you... SherylLark

[houseelf]

Sheryl,

What a positive intro! As far as the friends forever comment, friendship is the bedrock of any good marriage. Really, when you strip away all the gloss, this is what makes it work. If you all have this, you have a lot.

It is very nice to meet you so early in your relationship journey. Please join us.

Kelly

Welcome!

Welcome Sheryl!

I too am a newbie to this forum (I just joined last week). You'll find lots of helpful advice here and stories that you will be able to relate to.

My BF is in his 3rd year of med school, so I know exactly what you're about to go through. We spent the first 2 years apart (I lived in Philly and he lived in Maine). It was tough, but I also think it was really good for both of us. I was able to get my career started (and learn to be more independent), and he was able to study (A LOT) without too much distraction. We spoke on the phone nearly every night (even if it was only for a minute), and we saw eachother once every 5 or 6 weeks. We made it through those first 2 years stronger than ever. He's now doing his 3rd year rotations in Lehigh Valley, PA, and we're living together (soon to be engaged!)

If you have any questions about the first 2 years of med school please let me know. Anything beyond that you'll have to ask one of the experts here.

Hello & Welcome

Sheryl,
First of all, welcome. Glad you found us


I'm not sure if you've had a chance to read some of the posts yet; but my story is a little similar to yours. I've had to vent here now & then about my Long Distance Relationship and feelings of loneliness. My BF, Jay, is currently a 4th year med student in PA, while I live in L.A. We've been doing this LDR for 2.5 years now. For the most part, I'm OK with that since I work FT and am going to MBA school FT, as well. But phone calls are very short, abrupt, and sometimes don't even come for a day or two (esp. when he's on-call). Many people say that 1st or 2nd years were hardest on their relationship; but Jay & I struggled most during his 3rd year. That was when his schedule got whacked and our regular nightly (1hr.) phone calls got curtailed to whenever he could call. It was also hard on our visits. During his pre-clinical years, we used to take turns flying coast-to-coast every four weeks. Then it got to the point where I was the one racking up the frequent flier miles and taking time off from work and skipping a class here & there. It was extremely rough and still is; but we're steadily working thru all that.

I don't know what sort of advice to give you - only that I can totally, totally empathize with you. As all of us can attest to, the medical professional's SO has got to have an overabundance of patience & understanding. 8O It's not easy by any means. Just know that your BF is working towards a goal and a future that includes you. Your support right now means so much to him, esp. as he's trying to find his berrings in the jungle that's med school.

Hope this helps. Please post regularly. We're a pretty supportive bunch here

Reply from the Beginner

Let me tell you who responded that you are SO.... very nice. I really appreciated your response and the time you took to write back. Thank you so much. It does feel good to know that you are all having faith and the most patience and understanding ever You go Girls!!

I definitely agree that friendship is the basis of any relationship so I thank you for mentioning that. And the person who is in LA, WOW, good for you that you both are still together and there for each other.

This really is a great forum and I'm so blessed to have found this site today. I'm feeling very emotional because it's just so awesome that there are places that can give help and get it. Keep up the good work and I look forward to speaking to you all again. My boyfriend has given me the freedom to be with other people right now, he said he can't be selfish. It's tough because I don't want to be with anyone right now, but then again, maybe it's early enough that I won't be so heartbroken and lonely all of the time. There are so many ways to look at this situation. But in the end, I know that being there for him as a friend is the best thing I can do so he doesn't feel pressured or guilty.

So thank you again for the great welcome and I would love to hear any ideas, experiences or methods that have helped you all through this.
I wish you all the best!!!! Sheryl