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Hi,
I wanted to introduce myself. I just moved to a Boston with my husband. I am an attorney and he is an intern in Internal Medicine. Like everyone else, I am frustrated with residency and feeling more isolated than normal. But, for me the big problem seems to be that my husband's training has brought up a ton of questions for me about what I want in life, job happiness, family, etc. I think part of this stems from having endless time alone to reflect.
I think the other part of my confusion is that medical training has really changed the dynamics of our relationship. I hope this doesn't sound obnoxious, but in our relationship I was used to being the more achievement-oriented one. I was always a top student when we were in school; then went to a big law firm and now that I am working I support us and probably make more money than many if not most doctors will ever see (though we are still struggling with our myriad student debts which makes me wonder in horror about how much money a couple actually needs today to be comfortable!).
Part of me has been very happy to see my husband come into his own and have more confidence. The other part of me feels frustrated that our lives are so consumed by his training - - especially because I have come to the depressing and somewhat late realization that I really dislike my career path. Life at huge law firms is difficult - - long hours, minimal job security, and frequently very tedious work. We don't have any children and don't plan to for a while so I don't really have the option of refocusing my energy on family. Now, I am feeling like I don't have the financial or logistical or even emotional flexiblity in our relationship to contemplate a career change - - we are just so exhausted as it is.
On a positive note, I have to say that while my husband and I have had our stresses (the third year of medical school was really a low point), things are going really well in our relationship overall despite intern year. My husband tried to choose a residency, and is now thinking about a specialty, with an eye towards balancing home and work and has always made it clear that I am his first priority. During my one major breakdown about his schedule, he even looked into switching to radiology though I know his first love is internal medicine. This is not to say he hasn't been moody and difficult at times but he has done everything he can to ease the transition to a new city - - looking for cooking classes for me, trying to get phone numbers of his female friends from college that have moved to the city, and even leaving me encouraging notes in the morning. Sometimes I don't know how I found this man because I put so much energy into my career (which I consider a total flop) and virtually none into finding a significant other (which just happened and has worked out so well). We met when I was nineteen and have been together 9 years.
At any rate, I guess the main issue for me now is that I can't figure out what I want to do. I do know I want more human interaction in my job as well as intellectual challenge. One thought is moving to college or law school teaching but that requires alot of geographic flexiblity and the ability to take a huge pay cut. I have also thought about medical school off and on since college. My husband is fully supportive of whatever I decide and I don't mind the years of sacrifice during schooling, but what concerns me is that most doctors don't seem to have good or even decent schedules even once they finish fellowship, residency, etc. What I don't want to do is retrain in another field and end up with the same lousy hours that have caused me to dislike my current field. Does anyone whose spouse is in practice or with friends in practice have any insight on this?
Well, if any of you have any insight into 1) making a major career change; 2) post-training schedules in medicine; or 3) just dealing with a spouse that is almost annoyingly satisfied in his job, please drop a note!
I wanted to introduce myself. I just moved to a Boston with my husband. I am an attorney and he is an intern in Internal Medicine. Like everyone else, I am frustrated with residency and feeling more isolated than normal. But, for me the big problem seems to be that my husband's training has brought up a ton of questions for me about what I want in life, job happiness, family, etc. I think part of this stems from having endless time alone to reflect.
I think the other part of my confusion is that medical training has really changed the dynamics of our relationship. I hope this doesn't sound obnoxious, but in our relationship I was used to being the more achievement-oriented one. I was always a top student when we were in school; then went to a big law firm and now that I am working I support us and probably make more money than many if not most doctors will ever see (though we are still struggling with our myriad student debts which makes me wonder in horror about how much money a couple actually needs today to be comfortable!).
Part of me has been very happy to see my husband come into his own and have more confidence. The other part of me feels frustrated that our lives are so consumed by his training - - especially because I have come to the depressing and somewhat late realization that I really dislike my career path. Life at huge law firms is difficult - - long hours, minimal job security, and frequently very tedious work. We don't have any children and don't plan to for a while so I don't really have the option of refocusing my energy on family. Now, I am feeling like I don't have the financial or logistical or even emotional flexiblity in our relationship to contemplate a career change - - we are just so exhausted as it is.
On a positive note, I have to say that while my husband and I have had our stresses (the third year of medical school was really a low point), things are going really well in our relationship overall despite intern year. My husband tried to choose a residency, and is now thinking about a specialty, with an eye towards balancing home and work and has always made it clear that I am his first priority. During my one major breakdown about his schedule, he even looked into switching to radiology though I know his first love is internal medicine. This is not to say he hasn't been moody and difficult at times but he has done everything he can to ease the transition to a new city - - looking for cooking classes for me, trying to get phone numbers of his female friends from college that have moved to the city, and even leaving me encouraging notes in the morning. Sometimes I don't know how I found this man because I put so much energy into my career (which I consider a total flop) and virtually none into finding a significant other (which just happened and has worked out so well). We met when I was nineteen and have been together 9 years.
At any rate, I guess the main issue for me now is that I can't figure out what I want to do. I do know I want more human interaction in my job as well as intellectual challenge. One thought is moving to college or law school teaching but that requires alot of geographic flexiblity and the ability to take a huge pay cut. I have also thought about medical school off and on since college. My husband is fully supportive of whatever I decide and I don't mind the years of sacrifice during schooling, but what concerns me is that most doctors don't seem to have good or even decent schedules even once they finish fellowship, residency, etc. What I don't want to do is retrain in another field and end up with the same lousy hours that have caused me to dislike my current field. Does anyone whose spouse is in practice or with friends in practice have any insight on this?
Well, if any of you have any insight into 1) making a major career change; 2) post-training schedules in medicine; or 3) just dealing with a spouse that is almost annoyingly satisfied in his job, please drop a note!
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