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Hello everyone,
Just wanted to say this site has been very helpful to me. I'm from Boston and I am dating a 3rd year med student but he lives in a different state. We have been communicating almost on a daily basis but the past 2 weeks it's been almost no contact at all and I'm finding it difficult not communicating with him on a regular basis because of this. I try not to push the issue and be understanding, but it's killing me and i really don't know what to do at this point. I ran into this site and I have been able to actually understand what med students go through. I try to fly whenever I can to see him but I am afraid of interfering with his studies. I want to be supportive and help him through, not stress him out even more . What other alternatives are out there to keep the relationship going especially when you're thousands of miles away?????
Just wanted to say this site has been very helpful to me. I'm from Boston and I am dating a 3rd year med student but he lives in a different state. We have been communicating almost on a daily basis but the past 2 weeks it's been almost no contact at all and I'm finding it difficult not communicating with him on a regular basis because of this. I try not to push the issue and be understanding, but it's killing me and i really don't know what to do at this point. I ran into this site and I have been able to actually understand what med students go through. I try to fly whenever I can to see him but I am afraid of interfering with his studies. I want to be supportive and help him through, not stress him out even more . What other alternatives are out there to keep the relationship going especially when you're thousands of miles away?????
Hi Maddy,
First of all, welcome.
Glad you found us.When I read your post, I had to write back immediately. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I'm not sure if you've had a chance to read the other posts yet; but my story is pretty much like yours. I've had to vent here now & then about my LDR and feelings of loneliness. My BF, Jay, is currently a 4th year student in Philly, while I live in Los Angeles. We've been doing this LDR for 2.5 years. For now, I'm OK with that since I work FT and go to grad school FT, so I"m pretty busy myself. But there are days when I definitely feel the loneliness that 2,700 miles brings.
Many people say that 1st or 2nd years were hardest on their relationship; but Jay & I struggled most during his 3rd year. That was when his schedule got whacked and our regular nightly (1hr.) phone calls got curtailed to whenever he could call. It was also hard on our visits. During his pre-clinical years, we used to take turns flying coast-to-coast every four weeks. Then it got to the point where I was the one racking up the frequent flier miles and taking time off from work and skipping a class here & there. It's still like that even now. Only this time, I try to "meet up" with him at the city of his residency interview. We've done Atlanta & NYC together so far. I am looking to go to either Charlottesville or D.C with him in early Jan. This also gives me an opportunity to evaluate the city that may soon be home to me, as well.
Unfortunately, I don't have any wonderful LDR fix-it that I can share with you - only that I can totally, totally empathize. In no way should you feel as if you are a burden to him. You are just being a normal human being who craves attention, support, and love. Nothing needy about that. But as all of us here can attest to, the medical professional's SO has got to have an overabundance of patience & understanding. It's not easy by any means - esp compounded with thousands of miles separating you. Just know that he's working towards a goal and a future that includes you. On the same token, don't ignore your needs or wants. Maybe when he has finished this particular rotation, you can speak with him about your concerns regarding the long lapses in communication. Are you planning on seeing each other over the holidays? Maybe you can also speak with him then to get a better understanding of his upcoming schedule. For example, what does his rotation lineup look like for the rest of the school year? Has he finished the more demanding ones yet? At least this way, you'll get a feel for when he most likely will be busiest and hence, less available. For Jay & me, Surgery & OB-GYN were the worst rotations. I shudder to recall.
BTW, where is your BF living? I know you said that you're "thousands of miles away," so can I assume that your's is a bi-coastal relationship or Boston-Midwest? How often do you visit him? Oh, as for the visits interfering with his studies, I can't see why he wouldn't be thrilled to have you visit.
oohhh! THis is gettign really long, so I"ll stop here. Hope this helps. Please post regularly. We're a pretty supportive bunch here
TC,
Dures
LOL. He was planning to come to Boston for the Holiday but because I haven't spoken to him lately I do not know what he is going to do. I have a problem planning last minute things, but I guess I have no choice considering his schedule. Like you I feel like I will be the one flying down to see him more often, but i feel much better because learning from other people's experiences has given me a new perspective about this whole situation. Oh and by the way, his current rotation os OB/GYN.... 8O . Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
) not to be miserable over the holidays, I researched cheap flights, made the airline reservation, and booked it for him. Now, all he has to do is show up at JFK on time.
uugh... I don't know what else to say.
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