Considering MD and putting my family through it

Hello Medical Spouses:

I'm a 32-year-old electrical engineer and lifelong resident of Greenville SC who is seriously contemplating becoming a doctor. My greatest concern is the sacrifice my wife of 8 years and my boys (ages 5 & 3) will have to make for me to fulfill my dream.

While I have researched everything now for about 4 months, and I have learned a lot reading the posts on this website (most helpful!), I wondered if any of you have experienced a "non-traditional" situation similar to ours and could offer some advice or insight.

I also wondered if some of you could give me some input on the financial side of things. My wife is a proud housewife and with my current salary I am able to support us so she can stay home. Can any of you medical wives with kids tell me how you live while your husbands attend med school? How much can one expect in financial aid to cover living expenses? Without prying too deeply, I wonder if any of you could pass along realistic numbers. Of course if necessary, my wife will get a part-time job while I'm in school, but we want to minimize her time away from the boys. Is this even possible or realistic?

I would greatly appreciate your input, and I admire and praise all of you who are supporting your spouses in their medical careers.

God bless,
shinbone

[mommax3]

Hi shinbone,

I meant to reply to your post earlier and time got away from me -- but welcome to the board! I admire you (and others here as well) who are willing to leave a secure career and try something new.

I am sure other people will weigh in on this topic, but the way I stayed at home while my husband was in medical school was that he paid for school with a military scholarship (HPSP) and then we took out student loans to live on. (We did this for the final two years of med school.) Our home state also offered a program for people that committed to going into areas of medicine that are considered "primary care" -- the state would pay for their education if they committed to practicing in an underserved area for a certain number of years. You might check out what your state has to offer. A lot of smaller communities across the nation have programs like these, also, because it is hard for them to recruit doctors to their areas. I don't know how you would find out about all of them -- maybe the financial aid office of the medical school, or maybe an internet search.

I have also nannied, done in-home childcare, given piano/voice lessons, (I am a music teacher) and worked part time at our church at various times through my husband's education. Probably, in all honesty, you will have to take out some loans, but I think it is doable if you and your wife are willing to "think outside the box". Let us know what you decide.

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

chiming in

I wanted to chime in too.....We have several non-traditional spouses here, so you and your wife certainly aren't alone. In addition, I'd encourage you to go to the old premeds website: http://www.oldpremeds.net It is a community designed by/for non-traditional pre-medical and medical students. They are having a convention this year and I don't think it is too late to register.

As to the whole money thing....yes...things will be tight. The good news for you two is that your children will soon be old enough that they will be in school for a good part of the day. This might free up your wife to work part-time/full-time without sacrificing quality time with the kids.

We did a variety of things during the time that my husband was a resident to help us financially. We took out loans (stinks to be paying them back now though!!!) and I worked part-time for awhile. I also went to school and used scholarship/financial aid money to help us through. It was a good thing all around...my schedule was flexible, the money helped us pay the rent, etc, and...I got my degree.....I have known other spouses who do in-home daycare or teach at community ed offices or preschools.... There are a lot of choices out there.

Congratulations on your decision.....send your wife our way

kris

[SueC]

Welcome to the boards!
My husband got one of those loans that Sally was referring to--they paid for his med school and gave him a monthly stipend (wouldn't be enough for a family to live off of but it would definitely help), in return for practicing in an underserved area for 4 years after residency. He ended up doing a fellowship so we will pay it all back (plus lots of interest!) but they are deferring it until he is done.
We didn't get married or have kids until he was done with school, but since we couldn't get by on his residency salary (if we would have planned ahead it would have been doable but we didn't), so I have always worked from our home. The first several years I did daycare--takes lots of patience but it kept me home and has definite tax advantages. I've done an assortment of other jobs, and it is tricky to juggle with kids but can be done!
Good luck with your endeavors!

We were in a somewhat similar situation to you. We had three boys when my hubby started medical school ages 6, 4 and 2 and I wanted to stay at home with them. We were able to get enough loan money to live on but it was tight. We received around $50,000 a year in school loans but our tuition at a private institution started at $25,000 and ended up around $28,000 when we finished. It wouldn't be the same lifestyle as you are probably used to now on loans alone. I also babysat and got involved in medical transcription at home. We now have four boys and we survived medical school and we are in the first year of residency. For me, residency seems much harder financially. My husband makes $35,000 and we aren't getting any school loans. I am still working at medical transcription to help make ends meet. The thing that I didn't gauge into the equation when we started medical school was how expensive things would get with the kids as they started activities as they got older. I wanted my kids to have the opportunity to play any sports they wanted and take piano lessons etc. Now that my oldest is 11. We spend a lot more money on clothes, lessons and scouting projects etc. Not to mention optometrists (in our case) and dentists.

ANYWAY ... It is doable but it won't be easy. The medical students and residents that went the military route have things pretty nice in regards to finance. We didn't opt for that because we didn't want to move our kids more than we had to. As it is, my husband will finish residency right before Jacob starts high school. I want to choose where we want to live and then stay there (if possible) so my kids can stay in one place.

I wish you the best of luck. Your wife will need to be supportive 100 percent to make this work.

ROBIN

Re: Considering MD and putting my family through it

Hello Medical Spouses:

I'm a 32-year-old electrical engineer and lifelong resident of Greenville SC who is seriously contemplating becoming a doctor. My greatest concern is the sacrifice my wife of 8 years and my boys (ages 5 & 3) will have to make for me to fulfill my dream.

While I have researched everything now for about 4 months, and I have learned a lot reading the posts on this website (most helpful!), I wondered if any of you have experienced a "non-traditional" situation similar to ours and could offer some advice or insight.

I also wondered if some of you could give me some input on the financial side of things. My wife is a proud housewife and with my current salary I am able to support us so she can stay home. Can any of you medical wives with kids tell me how you live while your husbands attend med school? How much can one expect in financial aid to cover living expenses? Without prying too deeply, I wonder if any of you could pass along realistic numbers. Of course if necessary, my wife will get a part-time job while I'm in school, but we want to minimize her time away from the boys. Is this even possible or realistic?

I would greatly appreciate your input, and I admire and praise all of you who are supporting your spouses in their medical careers.

God bless,
shinbone

Hello There,
I have some input for you. I dont have exact numbers for you but can tell you my experience. My husband is now doing his first year of residency and we have been married 7 years. During my husbands med. school we lived in Nebraska where I had lots of family. This was very helpful becuase I had a relative that provided my childcare for me so that I could work full time. Financially I had to work full time. In your case your wife would probably have to as well. They dont offer much money in stipend wise to med students. We lived in an apartment at the time and have literally always been on a budget especially now during residency. The only time that we have been able to afford me staying home with both my children is now after our big move to a new city for residency. That is also something to keep in mind. A move might be necessary sometime in your traing.
It is very thoughtful of you to consider your wife and childrens feelings about your thoughts on med. school. While it is a long road and hard work it will pay off in the future. Your wife does indeed have to be prepared to put up with having a husband that will not be there very often for about 8 yrs. This may sound like torture but is possible. You should have her ook through this site. Perhaps it would give her some idea. Its very admirable that you want to follow your dream! Good Luck