I am new here...I have posted a few times.

He has Internet. He is a studyholic.(not a word I know) He studies EVERYTHING. I know it will all be ok. However, if I get down there and nothing changes, I will not know what to do!

[SoonerTexan]

I'm not far enough along on the "wonderful" road to give you advice about medical school or marriage, but I do know long distance--we've spent a little under half of our 5.5 year relationship apart.

I've always noticed that when we haven't seen each other for a long period of time, communication gets really snippy. It's not that we don't want to talk--it's the actual pain in the butt of dropped calls, etc. that just somehow makes it seem like it isn't worth it. We've actually had HUGE fights about cell phones breaking up

But as soon as we are together again, it just disappears

[NYCHoosier]

He has Internet. He is a studyholic.(not a word I know) He studies EVERYTHING. I know it will all be ok. However, if I get down there and nothing changes, I will not know what to do!

I think it's important to be pro-active. 1st year is a relatively "easy" year of training (key word being relative), but there is a lot of adjusting he has to do. I'm sure it's exponentially more work than he had to do in undergrad, so he has to figure out his schedule and also how to balance that with his life outside of school.

He is only going to have less time as training continues, so it's important to start the good habits asap. Phone relationship can be tricky, so don't let that get you down too much. Once you're down there, though, you guys should have time set aside for you as a couple/family. No roommate talk allowed during that time. You have to make the time because there is always another page or chapter he could read. The work and study is not finite. There is always more he can learn, read, listen to, research, etc. So if he doesn't set aside time for you, he won't find it.

Still, there's a balance. Some couples have date nights. We do go on dates, but we don't have time for anything regular (this is on my end as much as his lately!). However, we have nightly "cuddle time". Just 5 minutes or so each day where we hang out, talk about our days, etc. It's crazy how much that has helped.

There are lots of sacrifices in this life, but by no means should you silently suffer or let your marriage go down the crapper. Find that balance. Remember, when your marriage is strong, both members will excel outside of the marriage as well. It goes in that order.

Good luck with everything!

[ladymoreta]

He is only going to have less time as training continues, so it's important to start the good habits asap. Phone relationship can be tricky, so don't let that get you down too much. Once you're down there, though, you guys should have time set aside for you as a couple/family. No roommate talk allowed during that time. You have to make the time because there is always another page or chapter he could read. The work and study is not finite. There is always more he can learn, read, listen to, research, etc. So if he doesn't set aside time for you, he won't find it.

This is so true!!! (I have nothing to add to it, just wanted to reiterate her sage advice!)

[cylverdust]

(((hugs)))

I too have no advice but to say if you can do this - you can do anything. I think the one thing this group will show you (and I think the biggest upside) is that other women are/have gone through the same thing as you and you "are not alone". I know that sounds cliche but as I quickly scanned through the postings that is exactly what I thought.

ok, so this is a stab in the dark here, but reading your posts I'm reminded of that old book about "Love Languages" and how 2 different people communicate their love in ways that sometimes the other person doesn't hear... and it sounds like you definitely are like me in that you'd like to HEAR it, i.e., with words, to be told that you're important and worth it and he's excited to see you and thanks for this amazing sacrifice... (Which is I'm hoping what he thinks, but doesn't SAY.) My DH is not a word person like me and we often have fights about how he says "I should already know" he loves me and supports me, and "why does he have to keep saying it?" And after I read the love languages book I kind of realized that THAT is how I need to hear it. I explained it to him, that it's not redundant or over-the-top, but really really helpful and soothing when he actually verbalizes things he loves, notices, or appreciates. He sort of started to understand it better after that...
(As for my part, I've noticed he really needs more "touch" than I do, so I'll make a point to hold hands or hug him or rub his back sometimes, not because I necessarily feel the urge, but more to specifically show him I care for him. I realized I wasn't touching him much except in bed, and I've gotten better about that, )
Anyway, just a thought that might help, I don't know. I hope you can find a way to talk to him about it and have him hear you. And yes, be firm in your belief that you, too, deserve a life and happiness, and that you're not giving that up, even if you're willing to make sacrifices to accomodate his career. You're worthy of being loved and respected!!
Hug!
Jenn

Has it gotten better since you posted this?