In the thick of residency with 2 kids and my own demanding job and DH never home

Hello! After going through some posts, I am thinking I found the right spot. I am desparately trying to find some "support group" to vent to and bounce thoughts, idea or irritations to since no one really knows what we go through and my DH's program has no support system for wives. He is a PGY-3 in radiology, chief resident and works all the dadgum time. I am an attorney and work regular hours and when the kids go to bed and on weekends during naptime. We have a 3 year old and a 7 month old who consume any downtime we have. Our marriage is struggling right now b/c the 10% of free time that he does have away from working is consumed with two kids, me, household tasks and wanting to have some time to watch football, go play a round of golf here or there. Needless to say, I become unhappy and bitchy. Any guidance? I found some book on Amazon to order. My DH said all of this will go away once he stops working nights. Help!?!?!

[MarissaNicole]

and nice to meet you! You have come to the right place!

Sounds like you need some "Mommy time" and some date nights! Is there any way you can have a friend/family member watch the kids so you can have some time to yourself to refresh?

Have you thought about defering the remainder of his residency? While the interest still accrues at least you don't HAVE to make any payments.

Unfortunately I cannot speak from experience because we don't have kids and we are still in med school... but I don't know how you ladies do it... I think we are busy now - I don't know how I am gonna do it when we have little ones!

I'm sorry you are run ragged - but you will find a lot of men and women here who have BTDT (been there done that).

Hopefully we can offer a listening ear and support!

[MarissaNicole]

Also if the book you found was "Surviving Residency" its by Kris (Princess Fiona)- the creator of this whole website!!!

[poky]

Also if the book you found was "Surviving Residency" its by Kris (Princess Fiona)- the creator of this whole website!!!

And if it wasn't, I recommend it getting it also!

That is exactly the book! I have it ordered! I've come this far, what is another 1 1/2 of residency and one more of an interventional fellowship!

[SuzySunshine]

Katherine, welcome - you have found the right spot.

We have lots of situations on this board and there is always someone that can commiserate. You mentioned in another thread not working wasn't an option, I think a large part of that has to do with where you are. Cost of living is always different and resident salaries are always different. I cringe to ask but is your husband doing a fellowship when he's done or is this his last year?

Hang in there - we've all been there or are there now!

[DCJenn]

Welcome aboard!

You've found the right spot! This site has saved many a medical spouse's sanity. (not to mention the medical spouse marriage!)

I hear you about the working thing- luckily I love what I do but even if I didn't I'd still need to work! It's those little luxuries like eating and having the electricity that I so enjoy.

Anyway- we're all over the country and chances are there are spouses from here right where you are. Bunches of us have met in real life but enough of us are online 24 hours a day that you'll pretty much always find someone online to 'talk' to.

Jenn

[NYCHoosier]

That is exactly the book! I have it ordered! I've come this far, what is another 1 1/2 of residency and one more of an interventional fellowship!

My cousin wants to do IR! (She's PGY-1, prelim year right now)

Anyway, sorry it's so rough! I can't imagine kids in residency while you're an attorney (are you an associate? sounds like you're in a billing-hour race!)

I'm not in your shoes yet and thus don't have any great advice, but I just wanted to say hi and welcome!

[ladymoreta]

Welcome - looking forward to getting to know you!

Beware the "things will get better when..." statements. Medicine always has its ups and downs, and I've found that medical spouse life benefits from having low expectations. It's important to set up couple time, no matter what stage you are in, because if your relationship stays strong, you can really enjoy it when he has more free time.

We have lots of attorney spouses on here who can probably help you out with some strategies that worked for them on scheduling.

Big hugs, and so glad you found this site!

[MrsK]

Welcome! You have found your kindred spirts here. I'm a FT attorney, expectant mother, and my DH is starting residency. We are moving cross-country this weekend (for the 2nd time in 15 months). We have a lot of other attorneys here. Seems that doctor/lawyer match is hard to juggle. You've definitely come to the right place.

Already I feel better! I think I am gonna get addicted to this site .

[bokelley]

Welcome. You have found a great resource. DH is a MS3, and wants to do IR. Glad you found this site!!

[GrayMatterWife]

My DH said all of this will go away once he stops working nights.

Did he say that with a straight face? If so, that's so cute. I love his naive optimism. That's charming. I wish my husband had that. He was always quite blunt about reality

Oh, wait...did you say your DS wants to do interventional radiology?

Then that actually has a pretty good lifestyle eventually. At least, that's what my always-playing-golf, taking-vacations, out-bar-hopping yuppy radiology resident (CHIEF!!) upstairs neighbor tells me. As he complaining about coming home at 6:00 PM ("Long day!"), while he's asking me when the last time I saw DH was...

[Momo]

Welcome! Yes, you have found the right place! Looking forward to getting to know you!

[Meenah]

Welcome, you have found the right spot!!!! The book Kris wrote is wonderful. There a quite a few doctor/lawyer couples here, you will fit right in. Sometimes our honesty about this lifestyle can be brutal, but we mean well and we have your back. Welcome.