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Hello Everyone!
Well my boyfriend and I are not yet married, but I didn't think that would prohibit me from joining such a great support site. We have one dog, 17mon AmStaff and a new puppy inbound. He's military and I have just completed my Active Duty time a short while ago, and we live in the city where we both work. When he completes his Chief year we are moving so he can do a fellowship, and where I'll be starting my Post Bacc Premed program. So we have a busy next few years ahead.
We are about 2 months into his Chief year, where he is the only Chief. The NS programs are so small, and there are only 5 residents and 2 PA's in his. The last year wasn't so bad, he pulled Chief Call, but ultimately did not have the full responsibility that the Chief has. So we started out the Chief year with 39 days of straight call, which I think we did really well. But this 2 weeks has been more difficult, and he has been having really long cases and really settling into his responsibilities as Chief. I know he expected it to be challenging, but I think he is just now understanding the full girth of all the responsibilities that the Chief is responsible for, and he with 18hr or longer cases and having to sleep in his office (even when he's not on call) is wearing on him. I know I can not really understand all that he is going thru at work, and he's not like a lot of other guys who want to come home and vent about how crappy his day was. He is the opposite. He doesn't like to talk about work at home, he just wants to relax and talk about the dog, my day, and other things.
I do my best to support him and make him all his meals from breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also try to keep myself active and busy so that I'm not just focused on him. I'm currently training for an Olympic Triathlon, and I have hobbies that I do when he's not home. I don't really have any close friends here where we live, so no real support system. I have met the other resident's wives, but being that I'm not a "wife" or having children, I'm not always in the communication loop. Plus, because he is Chief resident, it's a sensitive area how involved in his residents personal lives we become. So I'm kinda alone with it comes to having anyone to talk to about things.
Needless to say, we have still 10 more months before he completes his last year of Residency. I have only been around for the last 2 years of his residency, so I can't take credit for him making thru the last 5 years before me; but I do my best to make these last 2 years the best I can for him and me. I think what I have a difficult time with lately is how distant he is when he comes home. He's not an over affectionate person, especially when he's stressed. Now I have dealt with some pretty bad days he's had, and he would seek some comfort in me. But his stress level seems to have taken on a whole new level. And I find myself feeling like no matter what I do, he is somewhere else. I rush to the door to greet him, dinner ready, house clean, I'm dolled up and smiling; but he looks so defeated and give me distant kiss back. I think it's just hard to not take it personal. I guess that's where I seek advice from, because I have to tell myself to hold my tongue, and not ask him "what's wrong, or did I do something to upset you?" Because I know that none of those will help the situation, and will most likely add more distance: because in his mind, it's obvious that he's stressed out of his mind. I guess I'm just craving affection from him, and he's just got too much on his mind to realize or give.
Anyway, I know that was a bit of a long-winded introduction, but I'm getting ready for a could be 30 hour case that started today, and he may not be home until Friday night, so I guess I'm just looking for some confirmation that I'm not alone. Thanks for hearing my situation.
Well my boyfriend and I are not yet married, but I didn't think that would prohibit me from joining such a great support site. We have one dog, 17mon AmStaff and a new puppy inbound. He's military and I have just completed my Active Duty time a short while ago, and we live in the city where we both work. When he completes his Chief year we are moving so he can do a fellowship, and where I'll be starting my Post Bacc Premed program. So we have a busy next few years ahead.
We are about 2 months into his Chief year, where he is the only Chief. The NS programs are so small, and there are only 5 residents and 2 PA's in his. The last year wasn't so bad, he pulled Chief Call, but ultimately did not have the full responsibility that the Chief has. So we started out the Chief year with 39 days of straight call, which I think we did really well. But this 2 weeks has been more difficult, and he has been having really long cases and really settling into his responsibilities as Chief. I know he expected it to be challenging, but I think he is just now understanding the full girth of all the responsibilities that the Chief is responsible for, and he with 18hr or longer cases and having to sleep in his office (even when he's not on call) is wearing on him. I know I can not really understand all that he is going thru at work, and he's not like a lot of other guys who want to come home and vent about how crappy his day was. He is the opposite. He doesn't like to talk about work at home, he just wants to relax and talk about the dog, my day, and other things.
I do my best to support him and make him all his meals from breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also try to keep myself active and busy so that I'm not just focused on him. I'm currently training for an Olympic Triathlon, and I have hobbies that I do when he's not home. I don't really have any close friends here where we live, so no real support system. I have met the other resident's wives, but being that I'm not a "wife" or having children, I'm not always in the communication loop. Plus, because he is Chief resident, it's a sensitive area how involved in his residents personal lives we become. So I'm kinda alone with it comes to having anyone to talk to about things.
Needless to say, we have still 10 more months before he completes his last year of Residency. I have only been around for the last 2 years of his residency, so I can't take credit for him making thru the last 5 years before me; but I do my best to make these last 2 years the best I can for him and me. I think what I have a difficult time with lately is how distant he is when he comes home. He's not an over affectionate person, especially when he's stressed. Now I have dealt with some pretty bad days he's had, and he would seek some comfort in me. But his stress level seems to have taken on a whole new level. And I find myself feeling like no matter what I do, he is somewhere else. I rush to the door to greet him, dinner ready, house clean, I'm dolled up and smiling; but he looks so defeated and give me distant kiss back. I think it's just hard to not take it personal. I guess that's where I seek advice from, because I have to tell myself to hold my tongue, and not ask him "what's wrong, or did I do something to upset you?" Because I know that none of those will help the situation, and will most likely add more distance: because in his mind, it's obvious that he's stressed out of his mind. I guess I'm just craving affection from him, and he's just got too much on his mind to realize or give.
Anyway, I know that was a bit of a long-winded introduction, but I'm getting ready for a could be 30 hour case that started today, and he may not be home until Friday night, so I guess I'm just looking for some confirmation that I'm not alone. Thanks for hearing my situation.
Sounds like you two are in a brutal part of training! Glad you found us!
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