Will the nightmare ever end?

Hello all,
I'm a 34 year old first time mom with an eight month old daughter. My husband has just started a faculty position in a busy surgical subspecialty and I am trying to finish a post-doctoral fellowship. While my husband is less busy than he was during his residency, and even though he spends most of his "spare time" with our daughter, he still has to work up to 100 hours a week, and I'm feeling resentful and isolated - I really thought that things would get better after his residency was done. Anyone else in a similar boat? - JC

[PrincessFiona]

Will it ever end?

JC,

I had to take a day to think about your post before responding. I can't imagine the stress that you must be under trying to raise your 8 month old AND trying to finish your own post-doctoral fellowship (what field are you in?).

My husband did a fellowship in ID and had planned on going the academic medicine route...until he realized that the lifestyle would continue on as basically more of the same. We were tired and burned out by the call schedule, etc....and it wasn't nearly as challenging as a surgical specialty.
At the end of the day, my hubby shocked everyone by accepting a position in a much more rural part of the country. We applied only to large academic centers and private practices....except for this one job...and it is the one that he took. He took a lot of flack for it at first and he does miss teaching and research sometimes....but at the end of the day, we are happier for it.

Academic medicine is a tough field to be in, especially in the surgical specialties....but once he has been at it for a few years, I'm sure that things will settle down. Right now I assume he is having to start-up his research projects? Learn the ropes of the dept? Navigate his way through dept. politics?

I don't have any wise words of wisdom of offer you but I can offer you a caring ear when you need to vent.

Feel free to come and talk/vent anytime. This must be an incredibly stressful time for you.

kris

[houseelf]

JC,

Congrats on the new baby girl and the postdoctoral studies. It sounds like there are lots of changes going on in your world. Just remember that all of this will pass too. While I'm still in the throes of my dh's surgery residency, I can tell you that "isolated" and "resentful" are terms that have bandied about in our household through the years. And yet there is hope. Now that we are "in the groove" things are much better because we've hit our stride. You will too. Just hang in there and take care of yourself. Vent here anytime. Lord knows that I do.

Kelly