Glad to find this!

[SuzySunshine]

[PrincessFiona]

Welcome

Cheri...Welcome Aboard!!!! My husband nearly did his fellowship at Stanford...but the cost of living was just too high!!!!! What did you study?

My hubby and I finished the residency/fellowship ride two years ago (It really is hard to believe that we are DONE!). We have settled down now into life after training...

Neurosurgery sounds like a tough residency program....I don't know much about the lifestyle post-training. I suppose it all depends on what it is that he wants to do when he is done?

Will you be working during residency?

Welcome to the group. This is a really good place to meet supportive people who have truly "been there".

kris

[SuzySunshine]

Kris,
Thanks for the reply - you are right, the cost of living can be very high out here, luckily it has gotten better over the last year or so. I was a business major in undergrad and I'll be finishing up my MBA in the next few months. I work at Stanford right now, but I'm looking forward to the match and moving elsewhere.

I will work during residency until we have kids, probably the first 3 years or so.

Cheri

Welcome to the site Cheri!

I am a SAHD with two boys (3y & 6wks...as of Tuesday!). We are in Kansas City, my DW is a Peds resident at Children's Mercy.

You have found a wonderful place with loads of insight and many angles to tackle most lifes stresses as a medical spouse! Again, welcome and we look forward to hearing more from you!

Cheri,
Welcome! Glad you found us.
My name is Nellie, we have an almost 3 year old daughter and my husband is doing dermatology research now and will start derm residency in Oregon next July ('04). He started in internal medicine and has switched specialties. He *loved* the derm residency at Stanford and it was an on-going discussion for weeks in our house whether or not we could afford to live there. We realized I would have to work outside of the home (I work as a consultant from home right now) in order to have a more consistent income. I had heard it is really an employers market there right now and thought it would be tough to get a good family friendly job. Funny that you work at Stanford -- I figured that would be my best bet! They had some job openings posted on their website that would be a good match for me...and on-site daycare too I think.

Choosing a specialty....or advising from the spouse's perspective is hard....you want them to do what will truly make them happy but you want to see them too. Good luck in that decision-making process.

Nellie

[houseelf]

Hi Cheri,

I think that Sue and someone else here (sorry) are KU alumni, so you should find some kindred souls amongst us.

My dh really, really considered neurosurgery but ultimately choose surgery. He is very type A and absolutely loves surgery so for us it was just a matter of what type of surgical residency. I must say that I really don't think that he would be happy doing anything else. I think that he choose general surgery because he is a tad ADHD and likes doing a lot of different things. Additionally while he enjoyed actual brain surgery he didn't like all the back surgery.

So.....where to begin. Lots of people are going to tell you terrible things about a surgery residency. I'm not going to lie to you, it is not the easiest of routes, but it is doable. You make it work. And yes, it would be easy to be bitter like the lady Robin talked about, but what will that solve. Things are the way that they are. (Although I must admit that I have skirted the title of "bitter" a few times myself....)

As far as the kids things go....I'm going to offer my unsolicited opinion (sorry but I had to comment on something that you said. No offense intended.) Seriously, don't wait. I met a wife of a surgeon who waited for residency, research, fellowship and now can't get pregnant at the age of 40. Sure it is not ideal, but many people have struggled with much harder conditions. Children are the best thing that could happen to you.
Maybe you could just space them out or decide on a smaller family. One is very doable and we're so glad that we have him. I can tell you that dh's surgery residency has seriously altered our family plan, but that are the cards that were dealt to us.

Anyway, welcome to the crew. Believe me, I'm an absolute wuss. If I've survived, you will do so with flying colors.

Kelly

[SuzySunshine]

Hi everyone, thanks for being so welcoming - being so far away from my family and all my college friends, it is nice to find a support system.

gmdcblack - congrats on the new baby. We would love to head back to the Kansas City area, probably after residency as KU Med isn't very strong in the neurosurgery area.

Nellie - We have a friend starting her family practice residency in Portland in July, I hear it is a great city. The cost of living is very expensive here, we are very lucky to afford it because it is a great place to live - at the same time we're ready to move on. It's interesting that you mention the day cares because that is actually where I work, I work at Bing in the office doing accounting/tuition work. I've only been here 7 months but I took it so that I could finish my MBA and help Brian with the residency application/interview process.

Kelly - thanks for the advice and the PM, I appreciate the surgery advice.

Thanks again for being so welcoming, it's great to find this board.

Cheri

[SueC]

Hi Cheri,
I'm a Kansan as well, my husband and I are both Jayhawks--welcome to the boards! I can't remember who the other KU grad is here either, I think it was someone's spouse.
Anyhow, I'm glad you found us, I'm sure you will find this to be a great place to share the ups and downs of medical spousehood (is that a word?).

[SuzySunshine]

Sue - more jayhawks, yeh! Where are you and your husband now? When did you graduate? My husband and I are '98 and '99 grads in Business and Engineering. His other choice for med school was KU Med but we decided we should try something new while we were young!

So glad to "meet" you!

Cheri

[twinsmom]

Hi -
Welcome to the board. My husband is just finishing his third year, and is also doing neurosurgery. I know exactly what you mean about the 'gasp' from people when they hear 'neurosurgery'. In fact, that is our big dilema right now - it is his total dream, but the more up close and personal we get with it, the more he has started wondering if he would be giving up too much to reach it. We have two little ones, and I think it is wearing on him to only see them while they are asleep (and he isn't even into residency yet!) But when I see him come home from neurosurgery cases, he is so alive and excited about it, it's such a hard call. Do you have any reservations about your husband doing neuro? Where are you looking for residency?
Again - welcome to the board! Enjoy the sun in Cali for us!
Jen

[SuzySunshine]

Jen,
Another possible neurosurgery wife, they do exist! So your husband and mine could be on the interview path together - wouldn't that be interesting if they met up. I'm apprehensive too, but Brian has been doing something with brain research since he was a freshman in college and when he did his neurosurgery rotation a few months ago he couldn't stop talking about it. He's doing a Sub-Intern rotation next month and I'm sure that will only cement it for him. He is concerned about family life, but we don't plan to have kids until he's 3 or 4 years into his residency (we'd be 30), that way when his residency is done they'll only be 3 or 4 and he won't miss them growing up. We both know it is a hellish residency but the attendings here at Stanford and at a couple of other hospitals he has been through don't seem to have it so bad, it's just getting through that residency.

As far as locations, he really likes the Stanford department but it's really too expensive to continue living here, especially if I want to stay home once we have kids, and all of our family/friends are in the midwest. Because it's so competitive he'll interview all across the country, but his top choices would be Seattle, St. Louis, or here. He'll probably apply to places all over the US, we'll just have to see. Rumor has it that if you don't rotate through Seattle they won't consider you and right now he's hitting a glitch on that so we'll see.

I could go on and on but I won't, it's nice "meeting" you, thanks for the welcome.

Cheri

[SueC]

Hi Cheri,
I graduated in 97, though I was up at the med center getting a degree in OT (actually that's where I met my hubby!). He graduated from KU in 94 and KU Med in 98. Right now we are still in KC--my husband is a first year fellow at KU, he did his residency there also so by the time he is done he will have spent half of his life at KU.

[PrincessFiona]

pics

Hey Cheri...I just followed your link in your profile...Awesome PICS...I love your house!!!!

kris

[SuzySunshine]

kris, thanks - it's a rental and we LOVE it. We lucked into, but if we stay here for residency we'll probably have to give it up, unless we can renegotiate the rent!

Cheri

[Phoebe]

Hi Cheri-

I am late in my response, but I wanted to say hello and it is nice to have you here.

I am one of the many Jennifers on this site. We are currently livingin Ohio where my husband is finishing up a neonatology fellowship. We are scheduled to move to Indiana at the end of this month and finally experience post-training life. I am a SAHM to our 20 month old daughter and expecting our second daughter in 16 weeks.

Welcome and I hope to learn more about you.

Jennifer