Hello & questions

[diggitydot]

Holy balls, his situation sucks. Yeah, transferring sounds like a totally valid option. Poor guy.

Take anything (hell, everything) I post with a grain of salt. DH's program is not malignant so when he gets a case of "Poor Me" going, he doesn't get far unless he's had a horrendous schedule, insane patient load, or tragic case.

Hang in there. Hopefully the administration already knows the chief's propensity for BS and takes everything from her with copious amounts of side-eye.

One of DH's co-residents is HATED by most of the nurses and several have filed formal complaints against her for her clothing. They're ridiculous and the program director was actually present once when an "incident" occurred and he couldnt figure out what the issue was. She's an extremely tiny woman -- about 4'8", and maybe 90 lbs. Even the hospital's XS scrubs are far too big for her. The nurses bitched about the top band of her underwear showing when she bent over to tie her shoes. I'm not kidding.

Hang in there.

[Urowife]

Hi from another urology wife! My DH just finished residency this past June. In his program, 2nd and 3rd years were definitely the worst years. 4th and 5th years were better in terms of call and having a bit more free time in general. It was definitely tough, but it sounds like your DH's program has some additional "challenges". If he can transfer, I wouldn't hesitate. There are many programs out there that are not malignant and where he can get great training. Hang in there - the good news is that training does end. It's just extremely hard to endure in the meantime.

[MarissaNicole]

Yikes, sounds like a tough situation. Although transfering may sound drastic, its better to transfer than to get fired. And while being fired may sound harsh/extreme, good residents do get fired if a program allows them to be targeted. Its not a good place to be in, and residents have little recourse.

The hours are going to be bad in residency, but to be treated like crap only makes it worse.

It will depend on your spouse but I try to leave my DH encouraging notes after he's had a particularly hard day. I try and remind him how much he wanted "this" and that he will be a great doctor someday but no one gets there overnight... there is a reason the program is X amount of years.

and nice to meet you!

[medpedspouse]

I agree about looking at open spots for transfer.

Welcome to the board! I agree with everyone else that you guys should DEFINITELY look into a transfer.
It's funny how there will be one evil person in the bunch, and sometimes they won't stop until they see the person of interest suffer
I'm sorry it has to be your hubby.
you guys will get through this!!

[Meenah]

What do you want to bet that Resident bullied other little girls in elementary school. Even smart, successful, highly educated professionals can be bullied.

Hey all,

Thanks for all of your support. It's been tough because he's worked so hard as all of our boys do. And when this happens he starts to doubt himself and I hate to see that. Normally I don't encourage pity parties, but in this case I just feel so bad for him. I do tell him bad things happen to good people all the time at least it's not a health issue. Although it is his career. He does have a tendency to jump to the worst scenario, so I'm hoping that they just berate him like any normal resident lol and that's the end of it. We find out on Tuesday when he has his evaluation. Of course we have to wait a whole week yipeee! Anyhow this is his passion, so if they don't put him on probation and just yell at him, whatever these crazy type A people do, then we'll stay and he'll just push through. If it's probation then we're out. We have to wait and see the options. But it's been so great to hear what you guys have to say, I agree with all of you about so much! It's amazing our husbands go through so much just to help people and they make it so hard for them. But I guess we can't get so wrapped up in all of it. The key word here seems to be balance, I used to think it was balance for home life with the hubby. But now I see it's making our own balance for ourselves so we don't get crazy. O f course easier said than done right? Thanks guys! Definitely will let you know!

You need to be very proactive about this. Probation is one thing, but if they suspend -- even temporarily suspend, then that will follow him for the rest of his career (and I'm not being dramatic). Each time you apply for a license it will ask if you've ever been suspended and you MUST answer "yes", and then hope the state board gives you opportunity to explain. Even if your suspension is overturned, found to be entirely w/o merit, etc. -- it happened and there is NO WAY to remove it.

[peggyfromwastate]

I would strongly urge you to listen to the advice of the BTDT people. Your DH will always feel on pins and needles in this program, under undue scrutiny. And this DOES happen to nice guys who never have done anything to justify this type of action. I don't think anyone on this board is being overly alarmist, just realistic. Those who have been around the block have seen careers destroyed over personal vendettas, on a whim. Just... be careful.

I'm hoping for just the yelling tantrum by the powers that be, but this is a CYA situation and you better believe the beyotch has been pushing for probation or worse for whatever reason. So... my advice still is really to get out of there ASAP. Start looking now.



We all have your back here.

[Vanquisher]

Transferring is hard to do, but if you are in a bad program and can transfer, you should. Jenn is right about suspension. Nice guys sometimes get screwed really hard in devestating ways.

[Pollyanna]

Ditto to Jenn and Peggy. Do what you can to get the hell out of there now, seriously. Use whatever excuse you want but get your hubby to start looking. We've been around the block here and have never seen these things "just go away". Not trying to freak you out, just trying to be realistic. Hang in there

Thanks for the advice guys. We have begun looking, it's just urology is a hard residency to transfer between. We haven't found other open spots for his year. Trust me he's said if he could transfer tomorrow he would. The only good thing is that the bitchy chief resident was his chief last year, not this year. She's gone now but the stigma is still there. The program is a very old school type mentality, where gossip is wide spread. Even if they do put him on probation the odds of him transferring to another urology program is slim to none. So if he wants to be a urologist this is his only chance. If they put him on probation he'll most likely transfer to a general surg program so he can at least still be a surgeon. We know residency is bad but shouldn't be this bad. He's willing to be tortured to get what he wants, I just hope he doesn't totally lose his mind. It's amazing, they don't worry about his surgical skills or any of the important aspects, just the bs things that don't even matter. He's at the main rotation now, so of course they're scrutinizing him, esp. cuz he's still the "junior", his next two rotations are at partner hospitals. Next year he'll be at a senior level and so I hope at that point if we're still here, the attention is off of him.

[houseelf]

Yeah, I'm going to beat that dead horse, but the advice you have received here is spot on. Transfer if you can at all and otherwise tell him to mind his every P and Q. Residency programs can have a SCARY amount of control over the rest of your life.

[peggyfromwastate]

Keep looking. A lot of stuff happens, people leave, switch specialties. Stuff happens. It's good that you both are open to changing if there's a chance. Fingers crossed for you both that a program will open up.

I would encourage you to post often here. I know we may sound like overbearing mother hens on this one, but really you can get a lot of support here and great advice.

So update, the program director asked him to come in tomorrow, a week before his scheduled evaluation. I guess no sleep for us tonight. Tell you guys tomorrow...