Hello & questions

[Lala]

So sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult difficult situation. I really hope you guys manage to find some kind of resolution that works for you. Residency is hard enough without having to deal with situations like this one.

Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to give you all an update and once again ask for some help. DH has been at another rotation/hospital in same the program now for two months, doing pretty well. He tried to schedule meetings with the Director a few times so he can make sure everything is going ok and he's doing everything right. Director blew him off twice but finally met with him tonight. Surprise, surprise, my husband walks in to find someone from the medical education office as well. Basically Director brought up couple minor mistakes, DH finally defended himself (as the medical education lady sat looking at him like why is he doing this to you). So at the end of the meeting, my DH says so are you going to end my career over 2 minor mistakes? By the way mistakes were ridiculous, ex. he didn't place an emergent cathater in a patient right away, why because he was in surgery and was told that it was not an emergency and the patient could urinate on their own, so after surgery he placed it and all was fine. Anyway the director looks at him and says we'll let you know by the end of the week!!! Can you believe this! Again they're not that worried that they put him on probation or take him off call, and they want him to wait a week! To fill you in we did look and try to transfer as many of you suggested, but soon found out that in order to transfer you have to get permission from your director! Well this guy clearly hates DH, I think he would rather refused transfer and fire him, but we weren't going to risk asking him to allow him to transfer to find out. Anyhow this is the last straw, DH is going to resign before they can throw him out and then go talk to a couple of programs he might be able to work with. I guess majority of everyone on here doesn't have a DH that resigned or else why would you be on here. But does anyone know of a situation like this? We're just wondering what the best way to resign would be. We know he needs to resign, DH has been on the chopping block three times now although they never seem to do anything but we can't live like this anymore. Any advice would be great. Thank you!

[diggitydot]

Ugh, I'm so sorry.



Remember - once a med spouse, always a med spouse.

[ides]

Wow. Total suck. I'm sorry you guys are going through this. I dont have a lot of advice. From what I've heard from dh regarding others who have quit is that most switch specialities and try to get an open position at another program outside of the match. Most don't quit until they have something lined up. Some take medical leave to figure out what they are going to do before resigning.

[ladymoreta]

I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you some useful information, but you defy itely have my sympathy. Hope he finds something better fast.

I do not have any personal experience with this but this is my 2 cents so....
It doesn't really look good for a program to fire their residents, or to have their residents quit, so the PD may be willing to help him transfer to avoid the program looking bad, if he's going to resign anyways you might want to have him bring resignation papers in with him and try to talk about a transfer prior to giving them to the PD. That being said I do know of residents who have been fired and then rehired into the same specialty so it can be done, particularly if we are talking about a competitive specialty. Programs understand that sometimes it's not about the quality of the resident's work but about a personality conflict. Some residents and programs are just not "a good fit" for one another. Once again, I don't have any personal experience with this but I think it can be done. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know what happens!

[Meenah]

No experience, but I am so sorry you are going through this.

[oceanchild]

I do not have any personal experience with this but this is my 2 cents so....
It doesn't really look good for a program to fire their residents, or to have their residents quit, so the PD may be willing to help him transfer to avoid the program looking bad,

This is my understanding, too. So if you try to transfer, you might find more support than you think. If it were me I wouldn't want to quit without another plan in place.

At any rate, sorry you're still stuck in a crappy situation. I hope you're able to work something out.

[peggyfromwastate]

No real advice here. I'm so sorry.

Thanks for your advice guys. So DH had tried to line something else up in the same field, he had to try and go on an interview first...But we were told from a close colleague (an attending) that if his PD found out he went on an interview he would fire him ASAP. Also there was no way DH could call out of work to go. We're now trying to contact this PD at the other program to see what we can do. DH can also go into gen surg at another program, a PD he knows well there will take him as either a categorical 2 this summer or most likely a prelim, because they don't know if the categorical position will open. But after all this DH doesn't know if he wants to go though it again, he's just so unsure and I can't say I blame him. Listen to this though....DH met with the Director of GME (who by the way was the same woman that was in the meeting) he basically told her how he feels that this is personal, and this a witch hunt. He said to her that the very first letter he got in his intern year (which by the way we were told means nothing since they graduated him to URO) was supposed to be kept confidential. We heard from every cheif resident and a handful of attendings that the PD told everyone what happened. DH said to her, he let it follow me out of gen surg and tried to taint everything. Also said that he has great feedback from both his chiefs and other attendings. The GME director said herself she didn't understanding why PD was doing this. That after the meeting she told the PD this is a teaching hospital and that residents will make mistakes, and that my DH mistakes were nothing unique. She said she tried to push the PD to get out of him why he was pursuing this and he gave her no answer ( which makes me think of the Jewish thing again, but who knows). Anyway GME director told DH to come back later today so she can talk to the director of education. My DH told her that he wants their support to help him get into another program, or an agreement that he can finish out the year without worrying every second, or just let him resign with a clean slate. At this point they don't seem that they can help DH much, I can't believe one man can ruin someone like this and he doesn't even care. I just want DH to resign and get the hell out. This has been beyond emotional torture for us, how many times are you going to threaten to kick my husband out. Oh and also I think it's so funny that PD acts like he is concerned, but not enough to pull him off call or from work, nope so I guess your not that worried, so what is the deal? I don't know guys, I'll give you an update later tonight. Thanks again for the support.

One more quick suggestion, although it sounds like y'all have already made your decisions, you might want to try and get in touch with the Residents union if there is one at your program. http://www.cirseiu.org/Default.aspx I have heard that they can help. If you really think that this due to some prejudice against your faith you could sue, but I would be careful with that, that's an awfully big accusation to make without some concrete proof. Once again good luck.

Thanks will take a look at the site, yeah we would never sue for prejudice because it's so hard to prove. And I really don't know if that is a factor although I could see it as they're close to no minorities in the program. Anyways we went to GME Director, I wish she was more helpful. She asked DH not to resign or do anything yet, as she wants to look into this further. But then she says it's PD decision and of course he decided to wait until next week so he can meet with faculty (this is the second time he's done this). GME director said that if they do dismiss my DH we can appeal and turn it into a resignation, great so essentially my DH should wait to get fired. I don't get this at all. I think DH should just resign...

He needs to talk to them about switching programs. Resigning isn't good for him and firing isn't good for them. I'd be very careful of the wait and appeal approach, b/c that type of action will be on his record permanently and will come up each and every time he applies for a license somewhere -- even if it's overturned.

[Pollyanna]

He needs to talk to them about switching programs. Resigning isn't good for him and firing isn't good for them. I'd be very careful of the wait and appeal approach, b/c that type of action will be on his record permanently and will come up each and every time he applies for a license somewhere -- even if it's overturned.

I completely agree. At this point he has nothing to lose by going into the PD and saying, "look, it is clear you cannot work with me so I would like to look into tranfsering to another program". If he's just waiting on being fired like the GME office suggested then he is either speeding up the process or may find that he is pleasantly surprised when the PD says, "fine".

[diggitydot]

It still amazes me that some programs are STILL set up where one asshole can ruin a resident's career over a BS personality conflict.

Ugh, hang in there. I have no advice other than to listen to our peeps who've BTDT. They know what they're talking about.


Hang in there.