Household chores divided?

Lately he's been washing his scrubs, too.

Can my husband take lessons from him?

[diggitydot]

DH is a slob. Even if he was inclined to help or had the time, I wouldn't want him involved. Our kids are all old enough to have chores so the household crapfest is doable.

[Thirteen]

I admit that I do a lot of it: bill pay and balancing, laundry (steaming work clothes, folding, hanging, putting away), dishes, and sweeping/cleaning the kitchen, living room, and bathroom. HOWEVER... DH often cooks, and we take turns alternating dish/cooking duties (the person who cooks doesn't have to clean up, etc), so that's fair. Very rarely will I ask for his help, but he offers it more NOW than he did in the past. And I feel like we're getting in a groove on me being able to delegate small tasks: "Will you pick up ___ at the grocery store on your way home?" "Could you feed the dogs this evening?" etc.
The only thing we recently argued about was my nesting need to clean and overhaul the backyard. He wanted to take a nap, so I went outside with a shovel and was determined to till all flowerbeds, take care of our compost, and pick up dog poo. He was all "ahhhh! toxoplasmosis!" and then became frustrated because he really didn't want to do it right then.
Other than that, we're pretty comfy in our roles, and he's already told me that he wants to be involved with baby care/bringing Mr. Bean to me for night-time feedings, diaper changes, etc. Can't complain about that!

[Michele]

Russ used to do his own scrubs. I didn't have a regular laundry day and never knew when he needed them. Now that I'm home all the time I do them once a week IF they are in the laundry basket. I don't pick them up off the floor next to the laundry basket. Amazing how much better his aim has gotten.

[SuzySunshine]

The thing that stuck out to me in your first question was the "below him" comment - that throws up all kinds of red flags. If he was living by himself he'd be doing it or living in a pig sty which may be fine with him but obviously is not fine with you. I stay at home with our two kids now so I do most of the chores which is fine because I can. When were married without children I still did most but not all - he still needed, and did, pull his weight. You are not his mother or just his roommate your are his girlfriend and if he's just an MS1 and isn't helping out I'd be having a chat!

[alison]

Cleaning's beneath him because he's a medical student??? My dh can often be found on his hands and knees scrubbing grout with a toothbrush. We're a bit ahead of you in the medical process, but my dh will clean between visits from our house cleaner! But he's a different breed when it comes to cleaning....

Can my husband take lessons from him?

You can take lessons from me! I just stopped washing them. It wasn't on purpose, but I wasn't able to keep up after the baby was born. I'll be washing his scrubs again now that the baby is older. He likes his old hospital blue scrubs more than the current green ones, so he's not likely to just keep bringing home more sets of green if the old ones aren't washed.

[MissCrabette]

Wow, this is deja vu for me. I remember posting this very same question back in MS1 and I got the same responses you did. Listen to everyone. Teach him early on.

I have found it useful to tell him exactly what to do, such as take out the trash, clean the litter box, take this to recycling. I cook and mostly clean up after myself as I go, but he gets to put the last few things away after dinner. I prefer cleaning a little bit throughout the week so there's no big weekend cleaning, but he gets all geared up for major cleaning every Saturday morning just as I'm trying to sleep. Then he tells me about everything he's been doing while I was being a lazy bum and sleeping the morning away. Thanks, I guess. My point is that, at least in my experience so far, they always have a little bit of time to contribute. Household chores are NOT beneath them.

[Tenacious_D]

Pick your battles. What's most important to you? For me, I could give a sh*t if DH takes out the trash. I rather do all the chores and cooking so when he gets home we can really enjoy each other(especially now that we have kids). When we both worked, I hired a housecleaner because it was worth it for me. Plus, I am particular about how I like things done. I want to be his wife and not his mother so for me bitching about cleaning when he comes home tired it is a waste of OUR time. Like others said, he has to appreciate what you do. Enjoy your time together because it's only going to get tougher.

So i was a bit dramatic in saying cleaning is beneath him. I just mean more that he conveniently finds ways to get around not doing the chores, while other times he simply doesn't even notice when things need to be done. And I get it; there have been times I'm super busy and can't even think about cleaning.. It'll just be hard since his super busy times will be longer and more frequent than I am used to..

[Chrisada]

DH is responsible for kitty litter, trash, and leaves. And most of the time I end up with the kitty litter. I take care of everything else and am fine with that. My take on it is DH works and incredible amount of time away from home supporting us. I wouldn't want his job of being a doctor all day and he wouldn't want my job of taking care of our kids and cleaning all day. But we are both happy with our jobs. And we both let each other know that we appreciate greatly what the other does.

[SoonerTexan]

Amazing how much better his aim has gotten.

Bwahaha!

We're still struggling with this but it is getting better. It terrified me because his mother is STILL bitter about having to do all the work when they were both FIL & MIL were med students back in the day.

I do most of it, but he does clean the bathroom (to my specifications--amazingly) and takes out the trash--two things I just refuse to do. He's actually started to make the bed, too--I always get all mushy on him when he does that because he HATES it, so I think that encourages him to keep doing it. His man/study cave is our living room and I'm not really happy with the endless socks and dirty plates, but...I'm learning to relax (a wee tiny bit) too.

I've actually started emailing him lists of things to do from work and it seems to help--if I keep it specific and relatively short, he'll do it. I've also started adding "before bedtime" or "in the next hour" to chore requests and that helps as well. If I don't give him a time limit he is less likely to do it, but if I demand he do it immediately he get's pissed.

I LOVE it when he brags on my cooking, thanks me for making a lunch, or just says thank you for doing "x"--it really makes it all worth it. Bottom line, though, and I tell him this all the time--I have a full-time job too and while things may not be split equally, I'm going to be pissed if he doesn't pitch in a decent amount.

Actually, his lack of involvement in our finances bugs me more than chores, but hey...one baby manipulative step at a time...muahahaha

My dh can often be found on his hands and knees scrubbing grout with a toothbrush. We're a bit ahead of you in the medical process, but my dh will clean between visits from our house cleaner! But he's a different breed when it comes to cleaning....

So this is how my husband was when I first met him. We joke about how he neurotically wiped the dogs' paws off EVERY TIME they came in from the backyard and how he used to swifter on his study breaks, even though he paid for a maid service. Where did those days go and how do I get them back??? I really think it is about balance and whatever works for your relationship. But man would I kill for my floors to be that clean again...

[GrayMatterWife]

so I'm wondering how you balance it all without feeling like you're his mother or house cleaner. I fear I will have to take on more responsibility as time goes on so I'm wondering how you all manage.. Thanks!

I prefer to think of it as being his personal assistant/secretary/errand runner/childrearer/financial advisor/nanny/cook/maid/laundress/driver/travel agent/tax preparer/legal advisor/dog walker/all round Girl Friday.

I manage by having a sense of humor and cutting myself a lot of slack.

[diggitydot]

How do I do it? Wine. Lots of wine. And a large helping of humor.