Household chores divided?

[HouseofWool]

Cleaning's beneath him because he's a medical student??? My dh can often be found on his hands and knees scrubbing grout with a toothbrush. We're a bit ahead of you in the medical process, but my dh will clean between visits from our house cleaner! But he's a different breed when it comes to cleaning....

Alison - for some reason when this post came up, your user name had already scrolled up. I read it and KNEW it had to be your DH scrubbing grout with a toothbrush!

end hijack!

Seriously whip him into shape early..........if it is important to you. DH and I have lived together for 14 years and I have always done everything, whether we have been in school, working, whatever. Do I care? Not really, not anymore. It's definitely not worth a fight. But sometimes I wish I had made more effort early on when there was some hope of changing his ways! Now I know I'll be picking up those dirty scrubs from every corner of our home forever!

[SoonerTexan]

Yeah...screw everything I wrote before. I just went off on him after I spent my entire evening cooking and cleaning while he played xbox, intramural basketball, studied, and watched Dexter...in that order.

Yeah...screw everything I wrote before. I just went off on him after I spent my entire evening cooking and cleaning while he played xbox, intramural basketball, studied, and watched Dexter...in that order.

This is funny because I was just saying that I always do everything and my husband woke-up post call and did all the dishes, folded laundry, picked up the backyard and offered to walk the dogs.... Maybe they both sensed the need to mess with the status quo?!?

[SoonerTexan]

This is funny because I was just saying that I always do everything and my husband woke-up post call and did all the dishes, folded laundry, picked up the backyard and offered to walk the dogs.... Maybe they both sensed the need to mess with the status quo?!?

Bwahaha...maybe. He wasn't doing a very good job of reading the Marissa-is-about-to-make-your-life-miserable signs...then again I was in a pretty mood before. Poor guy.

[SoonerTexan]

Holy Crap. I'm becoming my mother.

[Ladybug]

A post-training perspective: DH does a lot, lot more than I ever imagined that he would be doing while I was in training. We've never hard list of chores. Some weeks I pick up the slack, and other weeks he does. Obviously he was less able to help during training, and I carried the bulk of the load. I will always carry more of the household load, but I work less hours, even at full time. Reality. He does hit the ground running when he gets home, and he never "decompresses" Whatever that means...retirement? Nursing homes?

[DCJenn]

I do it all and he does it all because we maintain separate households.

When he's here (or back here next July) I expect that thing will continue as they have for the previous years- I do the inside of the house stuff, he does the outside of the house stuff and if one of us needs help, we ask. I've given up the fighting over the cat box, the kitchen counters, etc. He does the dishes because I hate doing the dishes.

and in a true division of labor, he does poo, I do puke. (doesn't matter if it's 2 or 4 legged...)

Jenn

How do I do it? Wine. Lots of wine. And a large helping of humor.

This seems to be the running theme!! I definitely like it

[Meenah]

I do EVERYTHING. He does walk the dogs at least twice a day, but that is it.

[ides]

I do EVERYTHING. I can get him to do something, but often it takes him weeks to get it done. Annoying. When he was on a research year in med school he actually helped a bit by washing dishes, taking out the trash & even cooked dinner a bit. I have hope post training that he will be helping again. Its really too much for one person.

I think if both people are working/in school then the chores should be split evenly. This is how it's always been in our relationship- we even had a "chore chart" for awhile that would tell us what chores we had to do for the week. Now that we've been married for awhile we each have our own chores that we prefer, but I simply don't think I would stand for doing all the chores- I work all day, too! Now, if I started staying home for some reason- then I would assume the chores would shift more to my shoulders.

"Lamorna Now I know I'll be picking up those dirty scrubs from every corner of our home forever!"

This is will be my future too!

What can I add. Well my SO and I have two very different idea on what "clean" means. lol. I never really known him to be very clean. The year before when we were dating, before I moved in, his place was relatively clean: because I would come over when he had time, so he would "kinda" clean up. But when i wasn't there it was a wreak! How do I knwo this...because when I moved in...he couldn't hide his habits anymore! lol.

He was really busy his 5th and 6th years...but nothing compares to his Chief year. He used to help with a few things, like wash the toliet, laundry, and help me clean up after dinner or small things like that; but not anymore. I know that the idea of divided sounds good; but like so many others on here. It doesn't work for us.

I do work a demanding full time job, go to school on the weekends, manage the WHOLE house, all the money, and take care of the dogs...so i DO EVERYTHING. He used to try to help wash up the dishes after dinner if he wasn't on call....well not anymore. He does work all the time...and even if he's not on call (which we haven't had many days of that since Sept) he is still being called or texted all the time. There is no "off switch" for his Chief year, and I do understand that. So I don't get upset about the chores anymore. Now there is time when I don't see him actively texting or calling, that he is surfing the internet or vegging on some TV: could I ask him to help me then. Sure. But I don't. He does not have any real time to decompress, and he rarily gets to do much of that when he's home on call or not.

What works for me (us): I will ask him while I'm making dinner or cleaning up after dinner (when he is veggin on the computer) to if he can take the trash out. He usually does, promptly most times. Or one my ritualistic cleaning weekend days; he'll want me to hang out with him and watch tv at times or lay next time while he naps: so I say, "hey you can help if you want by vacuuming" and he usually will.

I don't delegate too much. Because yes, even though I work full time, and out do superwoman on a daily basis with all the things I do, I understand there are weeks where he has been working 24hrs x 7days x 1 month etc. And if I was to add up all his free time, it still would be less than mine. Even when I think he's just goofing off on the internet, he's still on call, he's still Chief, and he still has so many things going on in his mind that he is managing and is responsible for.

I'm not saying what I do is not important, but I think we try to balance what we both can give during this tough time. He knows that I need to study, and will make sure that I know he wants to make sure I have the time after work and on the weekends. He'll try to watch the dogs or pick up dinner if he can, even when he's on call, just so I can study. I appreciate the effort he makes to know what's important, as well I appreciate when he does say "thanks babe, that was great or I really appreciate you helping me with this." I find that because we are learning to balance these things, it's not perfect, but it works for us. The house is important, but I'd much rather he take a nap, and wake up refreshed later so we can hang out later: than be grumpy and annoyed to be helping me scrub the floor. lol. (plus I like the way i do things anyway)

It's what works for you. We are still learning of course...but I know that he would never be upset with me for not cleaning something up or helping him with something if I wanted to take a nap after a long day or not make his lunch because I was tired. He just wouldn't do that. So for me to be all on him for not suggesting to wash the dishes after dinner, I'm not going to be upset about things like that. It's a balance.

PS: Do i get annoyed tho after cleaning all weekend, and he leaves shavings in the clean sink and laundry all over the floor: sure!!!! yes!!! But I realize that it's not personal. On a relaxed day..i'll mention it to him in a non-threathening way, and he remembers and on a good day he'll try to wash most of the hair away lol Work in progress!

[diggitydot]

Bwaahaaahaaaaa! What is this "non-threatening" that you speak of?

"Put your damn laundry IN the basket if you don't want to go into work naked," is about as non-threatening it gets around here.

Bwaahaaahaaaaa! What is this "non-threatening" that you speak of?

"Put your damn laundry IN the basket if you don't want to go into work naked," is about as non-threatening it gets around here.

lol well i guess mines a little different...mind you...i'm sure we're working up to that!