new and need to vent

[poky]

Hi, MudPhud - welcome to a place where people really get it.

Honestly, if I were you, I would dump the separate home in her location, and just stay at my parents' when I visit. Yeah, it would suck to not have your own place to go to, but..it's only for one more year, right? And it sounds like it would alleviate a lot of unnecessary stress. If that's really not possible, I'd definitely look into hiring someone to come in and do the basic housework.

Right now, it DOES make sense for you to be the one traveling, since you're doing research and she's in residency, and I get what you're saying about waiting a year to finish up your dissertation; that does make sense, too. It all adds up to a pretty sucky situation, but with any luck, it's all temporary. I do hope the pattern of you being the only one to bend over backward to make things work isn't so ingrained already that you have difficulty coming back from it; luckily, things like moving and finishing residency are good "turning points" where it's a lot easier to instill new "normal" behaviors and expectations.

Glad you found us!

[HouseofWool]

I agree with Poky. Ditch the separate abode and just suck it up with your parents, if that is feasible. Put the furniture in storage and pay your folks some rent and be done with the stress of coming home to a dirty house.

(Says the one who is living in her parents house along with her two kids!)

[BonBon]

I don't have anything to add beyond what's already been offered, but wanted to say welcome. Look forward to getting to know you, and I wish you well in working out this complicated situation you're in.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

Welcome!

I am the messy one in our relationship but i know it sometimes helps when we put rules in place (as in whoever cooks doesn't do dishes...and the person who didn't cook has to do those dishes after the end of the meal). For me it helps and has cut down on a lot of headache over cleaning.

As to the driving thing...I have been there (except with flying). I visited my fiancé once a month for about 4 years and it got quite expensiv. While i was still in school we split the cost...but it also got to the point that i hated traveling every month. Though i still traveled more, when i made it clear to my fiancé that it was really taking a toll on me and that he needed to do some of the travel too he stepped up. Hwever, it did take me speaking up about how stressful it was for me...

Good luck and welcome!