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New user, needs advice!!

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  • #1

    New user, needs advice!!

    Hello everyone, like most here, I'm So thankful I found this site!!

    Here's my situation....
    I started dating my boyfriend this last winter, and then when he was placed for his residency in Denver, I decided to move there with him this summer (from IOWA!!!) This is his first year in residency...and my first experience with it as well. I moved to this town with him but have no other contacts here yet. I'm not worried or afraid of alone nor meeting people...my trouble lies in not understanding what I've gotten myself into!
    I am looking for advice, or understanding, or ideas....I've been here for three weeks, and I've only been able to spend maybe four or five hours a week with my boyfriend, and when I do see him, he's exhausted, and barely able to stay for more than a couple of hours before he has to go to bed and prepare for another day. I have no idea what to expect, how to handle the stress of his, and MINE! without burdening him. For example, I hate how he's tired all the time! I feel bad that he's tired, but I don't want to tell him that, then he'd feel bad, and that is not something he needs. I'm the "flexible" one in this situation. What kind of things can I plan for the times we are together, where can I learn more about the rigors and what is "normal" in a residency? I have a hard time not getting frustrated, and also knowing how to gauge what will happen in his next rotation! Will I ever see him again without him yawning and spending time with me but secretly pining for his pillow?
    Luckily I have my own full time job, and I'm immersing myself in activities around the area to maximize my opportunities of meeting people to fill the "voids", but I want our relationship to continue to grow in a healthy way, I want to spend time with him without smothering him, and I am not sure how that works with a first year surgery resident, with an UGLY call schedule!!
    Can anyone give me details on what to expect with his residency and what is good for my own survival of On Call??
    Thanks for any help!
    Kate
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  • #2
    Kate,

    Welcome Kate. My husband, Will, is also an intern this year. He is doing a year of medicine before he starts anesthesiology.

    I don't have much advice for you, but I know how you feel. Will actually started on a pretty decent rotation, so he has not been quite as overwhelmed. But, I think it is really hard for them to jump in over their heads after fouth year and then time off before residency started. At least, that is how Will feels.

    One thing that has been good for us is that I usually take him dinner when he is on call. He is at the VA this month and the cafeteria is closed at night, so I am pretty the only option, other than a frozen pizza. If he isn't busy, I sit with him when he eats, if not I just drop off the food. Either way, I get to see his face for a few minutes.

    We haven't yet figured out how to deal with the sleep thing. He is usually wide awake when he gets home from call (and I am at work), but ready to fall asleep by early evening.

    On the positive side, they alredy have one month of intern year behind them. AND the first paycheck goes in the bank tomorrow.

    Emily

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    • #3
      Kate, what is your husband specializing in? The answer to that question will dramatically influence my answer as to what to expect with the rest of residency.
      Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
      With fingernails that shine like justice
      And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

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      • #4
        welcome

        Kate,

        Welcome.....in a nutshell, I think you've managed to describe the frustrations that so many resident spouses feel! Check out some of the articles written by the other spouses and see if they help at all.

        If it helps at all...intern year is generally speaking the worst....things get much better in the next year and even better after that. In addition, as your boyfriend adjusts to the call schedule, he'll begin to manage it better.

        Things will get better...hang in there and welcome to the group!

        kris
        ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
        ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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        • #5
          Ahhh....the joys of intern year.
          I think the beginning of internship is terribly exhausting and a huge adjustment (for both members of a couple) and I would expect that things might improve a little as time goes on. The specialty he is doing will also affect what his schedule and rotations are like as will the rotations affect the time he has available. I am thinking that if he is doing IM at the Univ and if he had to start with ICU at Denver Health and then Cardiology at the Univ -- that would be an awful start! Does he have any clinic months as part of his schedule? That will be a really nice break.
          I'm Nellie, working as a consultant from home, married to Eric, a derm research fellow, and we have a three year old daughter and baby arriving in January. In June 2004 we will move to Portland OR for derm residency.
          We live in Denver now and Eric did his intern year in IM at CU. PM if you have any questions about Denver or that program!

          Welcome!

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