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I am the wife of a PGY4 for Emergency Medicine & Internal Medicine.
People often say that once you get through medical school, residency will be completely doable but, perhaps they didn't have a spouse who did 5 years in medical school as he was attaining his MD and MPh.
And of course, because my hubby did the five years in medical school he had to follow suit and apply to dual 5 year programs outside of NY. I am no stranger to being a single parent, as my hubby met me as a single working mom back in NYC. It is however more challenging to have to do everything alone, and yet, still feel like a single parent of now 2 kids instead of just 1 and actually NOT be a single parent. I still have to take care of his needs (laundry, cook, bills, etc.) while feeling completely alone in a place where is so different from home. I hate to sound like a bitter and ungrateful wife, as I really am not. But, our circumstances are difficult ones. I made the choice to support my husband's out of state choices believing that they were all in the end in our family's best interest. But, the truth is that I have made an incredible amount of sacrifices throughout the years, continue to do so, including travel between NYC and Delaware with my kids on a bi-weekly schedule to ensure that my son continues to see his paternal father who still resides in NY and I am just feeling emotionally and physically 'spent'. I am very aware that these choices were not only my husband's, but my own, but I find it hard not to resent him. I have very few acquaintances but feel very lonely for the most part. Our intimacy is basically non-existent at this point which I believe is where a lot of my resentment stems from. I have tried speaking to him until I turn blue but my hubby is a very passive and somewhat quiet guy to begin with. When he is faced with a personal issue he just takes it in, thinks it over but doesn't say much back to me. At this point, I feel myself busting at the seams. Most people think I am doing this amazing job of caring for my family and dealing with the huge transitions, but it is all just a facade. I recently looked up counseling for myself and expect to begin next week but I honestly need to talk to people who can possibly relate or give me tips on how to deal. 
People often say that once you get through medical school, residency will be completely doable but, perhaps they didn't have a spouse who did 5 years in medical school as he was attaining his MD and MPh.
And of course, because my hubby did the five years in medical school he had to follow suit and apply to dual 5 year programs outside of NY. I am no stranger to being a single parent, as my hubby met me as a single working mom back in NYC. It is however more challenging to have to do everything alone, and yet, still feel like a single parent of now 2 kids instead of just 1 and actually NOT be a single parent. I still have to take care of his needs (laundry, cook, bills, etc.) while feeling completely alone in a place where is so different from home. I hate to sound like a bitter and ungrateful wife, as I really am not. But, our circumstances are difficult ones. I made the choice to support my husband's out of state choices believing that they were all in the end in our family's best interest. But, the truth is that I have made an incredible amount of sacrifices throughout the years, continue to do so, including travel between NYC and Delaware with my kids on a bi-weekly schedule to ensure that my son continues to see his paternal father who still resides in NY and I am just feeling emotionally and physically 'spent'. I am very aware that these choices were not only my husband's, but my own, but I find it hard not to resent him. I have very few acquaintances but feel very lonely for the most part. Our intimacy is basically non-existent at this point which I believe is where a lot of my resentment stems from. I have tried speaking to him until I turn blue but my hubby is a very passive and somewhat quiet guy to begin with. When he is faced with a personal issue he just takes it in, thinks it over but doesn't say much back to me. At this point, I feel myself busting at the seams. Most people think I am doing this amazing job of caring for my family and dealing with the huge transitions, but it is all just a facade. I recently looked up counseling for myself and expect to begin next week but I honestly need to talk to people who can possibly relate or give me tips on how to deal.
You've come to the right place! Medicine is a rough and lonely path for spouses. All of us here have or are feeling much of what you describe. I too was a single parent when I met my husband and can also relate to a longer than typical training path. My DH's MD/PhD took 10 years to finish and we've just started residency! Next year when we move I'll also have to make travel arrangements for our oldest DD to visit her dad back home, so trust me, I can commiserate with the crapfest! Stick around and post often!
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