How do you deal ?

[scarlett09]

I'm sorry that your first therapy session sucked. I agree with you that they shouldn't have been passing judgments about you or your DH during your first meeting, or jumping immediately to prescribe meds. It sounds like this may be their personal style and it doesn't jibe well with yours. I agree with everyone else - keep looking. Perhaps there is someone else within the practice that might be a better fit?

You can have a good therapeutic relationship with a LCSW, it may just take the right one for you. Or maybe you will need the psychologist to feel truly comfortable in the therapy process. I would suggest that the practice that either you are currently using or wind up using have both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. You can go to the psychologist if need be and the psychiatrist is there if you do need the script for the meds. Having them within the same practice makes coordination of care much, much easier and you don't have to worry about trying to get everyone on the same page.

And I agree w/ Heidi - meds can be helpful and there's nothing wrong with giving them a try, especially if they improve your quality of life. Good luck to you!

[PrincessFiona]

Honestly ... I would run, not walk and find a new psychologist (preferrably one with a PsyD or PhD). As to psychiatrists ... they are medical doctors trained primarily to prescribe medications. Their training in psychotherapy is in much less depth than those treating reactive depression (which it sounds like what you are describing). A therapist would be your best bet. I don't know about other institutions, but here, the sicker patients often see psychiatrists. There is nothing wrong with that. I saw a psychiatrist when I experienced a post-partum depression after my first daughter was born 15 years ago. It was useful because he prescribed something for depression and to help me sleep. He did listen to hear how I was doing when I saw him every other week, but beyond that, he didn't have any therapeutic skills.

We saw two therapists during fellowship for couple's therapy who was a complete ZERO. He was a professor in the Clinical Psych dept. but he spent the entire 4 visits that we went asking us what we exactly had in common and why we had gotten married in the first place. We weren't in a great place, but every appt. we were able to get was after a terrible run of call for dh and usually involved him getting there 10 minutes late, and feeling resentful that I dragged him there. We found a different therapist who was much more in tune to what we were going through and who was positive towards dh and I. The few appts. that we had with her were exactly what we needed and they really helped. Thank God we didn't listen to Dr. Asshat!

I also saw a therapist after the birth of my 5th child because the pregnancy had been very complicated and stressful. She basically sat there the entire time, played on her keyboard and said to me "My husband and I figured out a 50% split of home/child duties before we got married and had children. Your husband should be doing 50%. Why didn't you have this conversation before you got married?" Shew as just condescending. It wasn't helpful at all and I actually felt worse every time I went. I found someone else and in a very short period of time I was feeling much more positive and happy. I later found out that initial therapist was hospitalized for severe anorexia 1 year after I left, and that 6 months later, her husband had left her and taken the children. That's very sad and I feel for her, but ... just because someone with a PhD (or MD at that) says something ... that doesn't make it the word of God. It sounds like you found a terrible social worker. I'm so sorry for your bad experience. I hope that you can find someone to listen and help you through this.

In the meantime, we have all been there, and we are here for you.

Kris

[Vanquisher]

I actually think that's pigeon-holing psychiatrists. I saw an amazing one for therapy (and meds) during the dark days. Just as there are bad therapists, there are also bad psychiatrists. The one I saw rocked and really understood the medical lifestyle.

[SoonerTexan]

Will type more later, but my mother is a licensed counselor...cant remember what kind sadly. She had to do a load of training and ends up working quite a bit with "professionals" (including many doctors) because her current practice doesn't take insurance and it gets expensive.

At any rate, she does not prescribe medication and quickly refers those who are currently taking it or those that she feels may need to be evaluated for it on to someone who can treat them. I don't think an LCSW is supposed to be in that arena at all.

[v-girl]

My FIL is a clinical psychologist. He has specialties (schizophrenia & MPD), but also deals with bipolar and severe depression. I would ask around. FIL will tell someone if they would be better served by a a colleague.

[weeniegeniewife]

Masters level and doctoral level counselors have different levels of training and expertise. That being said, the LCSW you saw should have never judged you and/or "diagnosed" you without a full intake and some empirically-validated assessment tools. It's out of her scope of practice to suggest meds to you after only one meeting and no assessment. As others have said, meds can definitely help if you have anxiety and/or depressive symptoms, but a formal assessment needs to take place first. I never suggest meds during an initial consult with a client. If, after meeting regularly with the client we both come to the conclusion a med eval might be beneficial, I give referrals to psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners. It's their call whether the client might need meds, not mine.

Bottom line: if you don't feel comfortable with this therapist, then you need to try someone else. As others have already said, it's not always a perfect fit right away. That's why I always offer a no-fee consultation; the fit in therapy is the most important part of its success.

Hang in there and post often....we're a very supportive group.

[SoonerTexan]

I realized I misread what you posted and actually asked my mom the details because you made me curious! She is an LCSW, which means she is licensed and can diagnose and treat, but only refer on for meds. For some reason I was thinking she was trying to prescribe them. So basically ditto what weeniegeniewife said. She also said some counselors tend to go straight to drugs more than others and rapport is a huge part of a successful counseling relationship. Apparently 75% of her clients have initially tried someone else, so searching around for the right fit isn't uncommon. I know she has referred people on who aren't a good fit or are really way outside of the scope of her specialty, marriage and family counseling. I would try someone else if you aren't comfortable, but I wouldn't limit yourself to a particular type of therapist, unless they aren't licensed. (like "the naked therapist"--anyone heard of her?)

Good luck!

I realized I misread what you posted and actually asked my mom the details because you made me curious! She is an LCSW, which means she is licensed and can diagnose and treat, but only refer on for meds. For some reason I was thinking she was trying to prescribe them. So basically ditto what weeniegeniewife said. She also said some counselors tend to go straight to drugs more than others and rapport is a huge part of a successful counseling relationship. Apparently 75% of her clients have initially tried someone else, so searching around for the right fit isn't uncommon. I know she has referred people on who aren't a good fit or are really way outside of the scope of her specialty, marriage and family counseling. I would try someone else if you aren't comfortable, but I wouldn't limit yourself to a particular type of therapist, unless they aren't licensed. (like "the naked therapist"--anyone heard of her?)

Good luck!

haaa, you just made me crack up with the Naked therapist comment!

Thanks again everyone. I will definitely ask around and see if I can find someone who is a better fit for me (us)! DH would do therapy with me, in fact we talked about it and he had promised to find someone or get referrals but never did get around to it.

I am open to trying another LCSW, or a finding psychologist/psychiatrist, but I feel uncomfortable with the quick and non-detailed assesment the current LCSW made.
FYI - just picked up my copy of Surviving Residency and the book in itself has given me so much validation and a sense of hope as I realize all that I am feeling and experiencing is within the normal parameters of a medical marriage. Thank you everyone for your support!!! I will keep you guys posted on how I do finding a new therapist.

[peggyfromwastate]

Great!!!

In the meantime jump in and post often in all areas-- thus site in and of itself is a lifeline. Awesome experiences of people in all stages of training and beyond...

[PrincessFiona]

FYI - just picked up my copy of Surviving Residency and the book in itself has given me so much validation and a sense of hope as I realize all that I am feeling and experiencing is within the normal parameters of a medical marriage.

New here... but wanted to share that I found therapy a lifeline during the darkest days of training. To echo what others have said: Don't be afraid to try again until you find someone that you can work with. I started with my pastor and he basically told me that "some marriages don't work!" He's a great pastor, he just didn't understand the medical/training lifestyle at all (he was a second career guy who had been fairly successful in the business world prior to seminary, so I think he assumed that his experience of working hard to climb the corporate ladder somehow was relative to the medical training journey, and judged my husband accordingly!). Anyway, I don't want to disparage pastors or social workers, psychiatrists, or whoever. Instead, my two cents is you just have to find someone that works for you. One thing you might ask on the phone (b'f you invest all the time and energy in an actual appt) is if s/he has worked with doctors and doctor's families before...

Wow, I've never heard anyone say that residency is better than medical school. As the wife of the Chief Resident of Surgery, I can tell you that it's been a loooooong road. After surviving 4 long years of med school, rotations, and exams, I knew what I was signing up for, it didn't make it any easier. One thing that I did find helpful was getting to know the other residents and their wives. When my husband would have to take call, I would cook and bring dinner for him as well as the other resident that was on with him. After 5 years, we're more like family than co workers.

I remember being in the same place when my husband started residency. He did tell me something that made so much sense at the time. He said that the people that make it to residency are the people that have always been good at things their entire lives. The people that made perfect grades in high school, great grades in college and good grades in med school. When you get into residency, you feel like you don't know a thing! You're constantly being berated by attendings, you get zero respect and your patients are thankless. It all made sense after that.


Hope this helps! We're here for you!

[diggitydot]

Wow, I've never heard anyone say that residency is better than medical school.

Experiences vary. Typically, residency sucks balls. But not every program is a malignant POS. Some have a far lower amount of suck, while some have more than their share of assholery. Mileage varies.

[cylverdust]

def look for someone that understands what med school and residency is like. There are some that specialize in that. I know that my DH school has a counselor for the students. If there is one of him, there has to be more. I used to see a therapist that completely understood school and family cause she had been there and done that.. She approached my situation different that some of others I had seen. One of the first I saw after marrying hubby, did the whole dr. Phil thing.. Ask a question and then say " how does that make you feel".. seriously !! After 15 questions or so that were teh exactly the same. I walked out.