Hello! New here, new city, new everything...

[AmeliePoulain]

Chrisada, it IS really beautiful in some areas I really love all the trees, for a few miles when driving to school, it feels like I'm in forks and it's very hilly. I think we all just miss where we grew up maybe?

[AmeliePoulain]

Wow Cinderella! Is he dreading doing residency again after all that experience? It is the same way in Syria, being certified in the states is very favorable. I have never been and we talked about visiting. I especially liked the idea of stopping in Paris for a few days because that is where they change planes most of the time, but well you know what is going on there now and not a good idea anymore.

[AmeliePoulain]

I was going to change my name to MrsK, but I see it's taken maybe MrsKh

[AmeliePoulain]

Wildfin, it's nice to know it's not just him. I have felt like OMG my poor husband is having such a hard time. He has wondered if there is something wrong with him like some kind of adjustment problem. He has always been best in class, even in HS he was 1st in his class and was telling me the other day what if it was all a lie and he's just not that bright! I felt so bad...

[AmeliePoulain]

... also, in the seminar, they talked about drug addiction, alcoholism, DWI, marriages failing. They said the resident comes home and is emotionally unavailable so the spouse thinks it's ok at least he/she is home. Thus becoming an eanbler for allowing it and thinking the relationship will pick up where it left off but it NEVER will. I thought wow these are all common problems!? That's what I meant about that seminar was a bit scary.

[diggitydot]

I don't think these issues are necessarily "common", but not completely unheard of, either. Those seminars are usually a "Hey, they're going to turn into tired assholes and completely change your dynamic -- sorry 'bout that" convo. Thanks, Captian Obvious...

[corn poffi]

Yeah that seminar is actually a requirement for GME. Soooo pointless!

[Cinderella]

Wow Cinderella! Is he dreading doing residency again after all that experience? It is the same way in Syria, being certified in the states is very favorable. I have never been and we talked about visiting. I especially liked the idea of stopping in Paris for a few days because that is where they change planes most of the time, but well you know what is going on there now and not a good idea anymore.

I don't think he is dreading doing residency again as much as he is dreading taking the steps. He's really put it off because of his fear of failure or not doing as well as his Sister. For years while in Egypt I kepts saying you need to study for the USMLE's. Then he got here and I was saying come on take an exam but I've learned I can't force him to do anything and I've resided myself to just be as supportive as I can. In the time he's taken with this his Sister has completed all three steps. It's really frustrating for me. By the time he will take his first one it will have been two years since his arrival here. He's going for the 2014 match now and I'm languishing in angiush because it puts off starting a family and many other things.

Finally I came to a point where I realized I couldn't wait longer and count on him so I took matters into my own hands and marched forward with my career. If it works out for him good if not at least I can be the bread winner. I think it will work out but really I'm the one dreading this whole process. It's been a living hell going through egyptian medical school, egyptian residency, mandatory egyptian military service, the immigration process. It was nice while we lived in the resort town on the sea and he was making good money in the private practice with his friends from medical school but he was still working 6 days a week 14-16 hour days. That life seemed somewhat normal compared to before.

Now going through all of this again doesn't make it any better. Studying for the USMLE's is like going through medical school again. From the sound of the seminar the residency in the States seems even worse than before in Egypt. I'm trying to manage and cope with it all a day at a time by focusing on my career and my life, and learning about the process as much as I can and finding support like with this website. I have one other very good friend outside this website that is also married to a Syrian doctor and she's been a great help to me. I've been through so much already that I'm battle weary and have post traumatic stress. I realized that when he went back east to spend seven weeks in an observership with his Sister and BIL in their medical hospital and all my old emotions started coming up and I felt I was going through the pain of the long distance again. I learned a lot of it is the stress from this medical process and when I was going through it before I didn't realize that was what it was. Now I know and I think people are lucky to find this site early for the support it offers. It's a great bunch of people around here.

[v-girl]

We came here from Ohio. I haven't been there in 14 years! I'm too close to my mom, brother & sister to leave! Ha ha!

[AmeliePoulain]

Ahh, probably not then. MD Anderson is cool, though!

They work so hard but they have some of the best there. My DH was sort of in awe at first, he said he got to meet people whose names he had only read in books. He would say so and so is "the God" in Leukemia and that nobody would believe we're having dinner accross the table from him lol it was cute. They're definitely innovative in the treatment of certain cancers.

[AmeliePoulain]

I don't think he is dreading doing residency again as much as he is dreading taking the steps. He's really put it off because of his fear of failure or not doing as well as his Sister. For years while in Egypt I kepts saying you need to study for the USMLE's. Then he got here and I was saying come on take an exam but I've learned I can't force him to do anything and I've resided myself to just be as supportive as I can. In the time he's taken with this his Sister has completed all three steps. It's really frustrating for me. By the time he will take his first one it will have been two years since his arrival here. He's going for the 2014 match now and I'm languishing in angiush because it puts off starting a family and many other things.

Finally I came to a point where I realized I couldn't wait longer and count on him so I took matters into my own hands and marched forward with my career. If it works out for him good if not at least I can be the bread winner. I think it will work out but really I'm the one dreading this whole process. It's been a living hell going through egyptian medical school, egyptian residency, mandatory egyptian military service, the immigration process. It was nice while we lived in the resort town on the sea and he was making good money in the private practice with his friends from medical school but he was still working 6 days a week 14-16 hour days. That life seemed somewhat normal compared to before.

Now going through all of this again doesn't make it any better. Studying for the USMLE's is like going through medical school again. From the sound of the seminar the residency in the States seems even worse than before in Egypt. I'm trying to manage and cope with it all a day at a time by focusing on my career and my life, and learning about the process as much as I can and finding support like with this website. I have one other very good friend outside this website that is also married to a Syrian doctor and she's been a great help to me. I've been through so much already that I'm battle weary and have post traumatic stress. I realized that when he went back east to spend seven weeks in an observership with his Sister and BIL in their medical hospital and all my old emotions started coming up and I felt I was going through the pain of the long distance again. I learned a lot of it is the stress from this medical process and when I was going through it before I didn't realize that was what it was. Now I know and I think people are lucky to find this site early for the support it offers. It's a great bunch of people around here.

I can understand how you feel. We always had this fear of what if things don't work out, what if he doesn't match and so many other what ifs even before that. We still have these fears! I think my DH also has this fear of failure. I really feel for him moving accross the world to a new country and he has not one relative here. I have hard time just moving accross the country lol. Your husband is lucky in that respect because he has you, his sis and bil... but USMLE is a big deal, so of course he is anxious about it. My DH had high scores and was still so afraid of not matching. His friend, also Syrian, just passed step 3 and is going for the match this time around and he is really stressing out too. He also has friends that have failed it the first time :/

It really is nice to have the forum because who else would understand? I feel like we are still not having any peace, these first few months of residency are torturous. I hope it really is hardest in the beginning and it gets better. Another thing is, he always says he misses and wants to move back to Texas, so weird because he never felt that about Syria. His main goal for the past couple of years in doing anything he did was working toward residency but nothing prepares you for when you get there. Nor do you get any kind of peace once you achieve it, it still feels like we are so far from the finish line. He is so hesitant and afraid to have a baby for this reason I think. He also says he wouldn't have the time to spend with a baby.

My main goal each day is to see if I can make him laugh or at least smile and think of things to help him with his stress. His happiness and well-being are my main concerns. I hate feeling like there is not really much I can do. I really hope your husband does well on his tests, and even though it won't mean he can relax, at least he can feel he is making progress. Wish you both the best.

[Cinderella]

I can understand how you feel. We always had this fear of what if things don't work out, what if he doesn't match and so many other what ifs even before that. We still have these fears! I think my DH also has this fear of failure. I really feel for him moving accross the world to a new country and he has not one relative here. I have hard time just moving accross the country lol. Your husband is lucky in that respect because he has you, his sis and bil... but USMLE is a big deal, so of course he is anxious about it. My DH had high scores and was still so afraid of not matching. His friend, also Syrian, just passed step 3 and is going for the match this time around and he is really stressing out too. He also has friends that have failed it the first time :/

It really is nice to have the forum because who else would understand? I feel like we are still not having any peace, these first few months of residency are torturous. I hope it really is hardest in the beginning and it gets better. Another thing is, he always says he misses and wants to move back to Texas, so weird because he never felt that about Syria. His main goal for the past couple of years in doing anything he did was working toward residency but nothing prepares you for when you get there. Nor do you get any kind of peace once you achieve it, it still feels like we are so far from the finish line. He is so hesitant and afraid to have a baby for this reason I think. He also says he wouldn't have the time to spend with a baby.

My main goal each day is to see if I can make him laugh or at least smile and think of things to help him with his stress. His happiness and well-being are my main concerns. I hate feeling like there is not really much I can do. I really hope your husband does well on his tests, and even though it won't mean he can relax, at least he can feel he is making progress. Wish you both the best.

That's the other thing. The USMLE is such a big deal. He told me about his Egyptian friend working in KSA who saves his money to come to the US and do small contracts for study with medical universities/hospitals and to take the USMLE and go for the match. This friend failed step 1 and thought what else could I possibly study to do better? He retook it and did much better and then finished up to step 2 and applied for the match and he didn't match. He's already having a PhD too. Now he's taking step 3 and paying for some kind of clerkship in the States to get the experience and show it for when he goes for the match again after this upcoming one.

My SIL did really well on three of her Steps and was pursued by the learning hospital she's getting her PhD at. I've learned that very soon they're doing away with the IMG/FMG prematches so that may have been her last chance like that. My dh really stresses the importance of getting high scores like his Sister from these examples because he knows how important it is for the IMG/FMG when matching. That's part of the reason he gives for taking his time with taking the USMLE Steps. He'll be ready when he's ready. I wish your dh's Syrian friend gets a match after passing Step 3. You'll have to let me know how it goes for him.

This place is great because when others inquire about it and I try to explain they look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language and I get really embarrassed talking about it. Plus it's complicated and a lot to discuss when someone has no idea about the process. I'm glad to have some insight into what is coming through you and others on here. I'm sorry to hear he misses Texas so much. Maybe it's just the familiarity he misses? Also you mentioned he's different from other Syrians and a minority there and maybe felt he didn't belong. Coming here seems like a dream come true because you knew he wanted to come back. With my dh it's different. He misses and wants to go back to Egypt. He spent 30 years there and it's his home. His family is there, he's friends are there, his way of life is there. Here he just has me and my family and the new friends he's made. I think if he was younger maybe an adventure to a foreign country would be more exciting and easily adaptable unlike when you're older, more mature, set in your ways and with emotional attachments to much of your life. Sometimes though I think his main goal is to struggle. :P He'll have plenty of that come residency once we get over this USMLE hump. Maybe next year will be the year for that? I hope so. He is also the one that is hesitant on having babies. I want them but he says he realizes now we are so different. There are many issues on that level I can't really discuss right now. I'm giving it some time and space but now is not the time.

I like your main goal about making him happy. That is a good way to start and live a married life. Thank you for your kind words.

[AmeliePoulain]

Cinderella, I will keep you posted. I would be so happy if his friend matched here at the same hospital, they met while working in TX but kept in touch. He had moved to St Louis but is here now doing an observership at another hospital as of a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it's kind of selfish but my main reason for wanting him to match in the same hospital is because they are such good friends and I think it would help my DH. I don't think the ones that failed the 1st time ever matched. One went back to Syria but he might be back.

[Mrs.Doctor305]

Honestly, I have been there too. My husband has always been good at everything and the first year of residency was a rude awakening. We had moved SO far away from home and had no family or friends nearby. It was definitely a rough time for us. Things did get better though! Right now we are finishing the last year of residency and interviewing for fellowship. It looks like we are going to be moving again, but this time I feel much more prepared.

[AmeliePoulain]

Mrs.Doctor305,
Congrats! What specialty? How I long for that day. I'm hoping we can move back to TX. Maybe he can do fellowship there. Although, since the last few weeks he no longer talks of fellowships :/