Intro-Husband of an intern wife

[Vabsmith]

Hello,
My wife is 1st year resident in North Carolina.
We have a 14month old son.
We all moved to NC in June 2012 when my wife got into the residency.
We are originally from India.
I came to USA in 2002 and did Masters in Mech. Engg from Michigan state univ.

I am working for a large aerospace company and I am happy that they are letting me work from home.
So I am full time working from home.

I will appreciate your thoughts and suggestions as wife is stressed out due to residency. She recently is having thoughts of qutting and going back to India.
She is missing seeing our son grow.

Thanks

[SoonerTexan]

That is a rough situation! Unfortunately, I have no advice, but welcome!

[Phoebe]

The stress of residency and thoughts of quitting is pretty normal, unfortunately. My husband used to say that when he was burned out, but he never actually wanted to quit. Hang in there.

Also, hello from a fellow MSU grad.

[moonlight]

I'm so sorry she is missing being away from your child for so many hours of the day. I think all interns have a really hard time adjusting in the first year of training. How long is her training program? Just try and support her the best way you can. You are doing a great job by working from home and being there to support her. It's not easy for anyone but eventually the training years will be over and hopefully she will look back on it and say it was worth the effort. Hang in there! Please keep us posted on how everything is going.

[bobk]

I think every intern contemplates quitting at some point. There's not much you can do about the time drain, but the stress will be more manageable as she gains more experience.

Is your son at home with you, or do you have some kind of child care arrangement?

[ladymoreta]

Welcome! I know it must be hard for all of you, with all the stress of the medical training years in addition to being so far away from your family. This site is a great resource, and I hope you stick around. Looking forward to getting to know you!

[v-girl]

Welcome! My husband liked getting pictures of the kids (especially the youngest) throughout the day during the tough rotations when he was gone a lot. It helped him feel connected.

[Vabsmith]

Thanks all for such encouraging feedback.
The program is three years and our son goes to a daycare facility 5 days a week for about 5 to 6 hrs/day.
Adding to my and my wife's stress I just learned today that my wife took a fight with a PGY-2 resident and she has been asked to either go on 3 month probation OR repeat one month of training.
I always thought that my wife needs to communicate better/more assertive and now the program director thinks the same..
But I told her to see this "issue" as a learning experience and seek counseling help.
hoping for the best.
Thanks you all.

[Cinderella]

I have a female doctor friend from Sudan who is was just talking to me about dealing with same issue. She's coming to the States to be with her husband here and go for the USMLE's through the ECFMG. They're newly married so they also want to start a family and she's not sure how she's going to be able to handle being a clinician and a new mother and new wife. It's a very difficult choice to handle not to mention adapting to a new culture. I like the suggestion about sending her pictures through out the day of your smiling boy. I used to watch my brother's oldest girl during the day and his wife sure appreciate getting the picture messages of her baby that I'd send. I send you all my best wishes in this process and hope that you stick around.

[moonlight]

Oh no! Tell her not to take the probation, just repeat the rotation. Have a report of probation on her file stays with her forever and will effect her ability to find a job after she graduates.

[Vabsmith]

Thanks I do like the idea of sending pics of the baby. We have been married for 5.5 years already so my wife at least does not have to deal with the "being new wife" part.

[Vabsmith]

Yeh I agree. And she has decided to take this positively and seek counseling and repeat the rotation.

[Vabsmith]

Thanks. Our son goes to daycare facility for about 5-6 hrs a day , 5 days a week and I am glad that he is finally getting adjusted to it.

[Deebs]

Welcome!

[diggitydot]

Welcome to the crapfest. We get it. I don't know a single doc who didn't contemplate a new line of work during intern year. It blows.

She should NEVER take the probation option. Ever. Repeat the rotation, but do NOT allow a probation to be on file.

Hang in there.