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Hello,
I must say that I do feel rather misplaced on this website, but have many questions and concerns, which I'm sure any if not all of you could answer. To explain further I'll try to introduce myself as best as I can:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. We are not married. Although he has been hinting things, and talking about marriage quite often. He is the love of my life, and yet this can be overwhelming at times, but in a good way
. I know that he is "the one", we both have always known. I also understand that there is no such thing as fairy tales, which is why I will try my best, not to compare our relationship to made up stories. I may not be a Juliet, or have miles of beautiful blond hair for him to hold on to and climb up a tower where I was help captive. I can't simply open the window, whistle and sing a song for birds to fly in and help me clean the house, while cooking him a feast meant for kings. Life wouldn't be simple enough, to allow me to fall into a deep sleep next to my prince, and know that he will be there every morning to wake me up with a kiss. Oh, how I admired these women as a child.... only to grow up and learn of their phony lives. Life is funny like that. It seems as though the less you know, the purer you heart, and the easier it was to live in that world. Then with age, and knowledge, we are some how unable to shield our eyes, ears, and hearts from the crudeness of reality. But just how much of these tales are implausible, if any?
Please understand that I was not raised with toys and electronics, nor did I ever ask or expect gifts as a child. Being raised in a family torn between divorces, crimes, drugs, and then shredded thin thanks to the necessary travel that comes with every military career... yes, that could play a part in my idolized childhood fantasy. Only.......... a year and a half ago, that question was challenged again.
The first day we met, he suggested and then bought me a tea at a local coffee shop, that night would end up being our vary first date. We got to know one another over a Hibachi dinner, and then took a walk in the park close by. The entire time he was looking... no starring.... straight into my eyes. Although he let his glance slip from time to time, you could tell that he was looking for much more than a weekend fling. He was truly trying to see me for who I was, rather then my looks. To this day, he is the only guy who has ever done that. Its still one of the most priceless gifts anyone could have given me. I could have shown up wearing a see-through dress, with 3 inch Steve madden's, and begged him to make physical advances toward me. But he never did. He was so enthralled in my stories, past or present, as I was with him.
On my birthday, he bought me many gifts. Worth more in love then in dollar signs, and that is exactly why I loved each of them. I'm an easy heart to please, and treasure the little things in life. A year and a half later he is still the only person I see in a crowded room, he still looks at me with his devoting stare, he is still my best friend, my partner in crime (hypothetically speaking), and even though our time and money is sparse, he always fines the time to remind me how much he loves me, and in turn how much I love him. Some will read this and want to puke. (I apologize, I should consider putting a tissue box as the header for this thread.)
But this is my life. Its not due to some "honeymoon stage". Its not a fairy tale, and to be honest I'm glad for that, because its so much more. He is my other half, my hero, stressed, hardworking, often unappreciated, overlooked, honest, kind, childish, over worked, studious, gentle, loving, prince. We are not perfect, but instead we compliment each others faults. When there is a problem we work together to fix it. We may not always have time for each other, but we make the time. This lifestyle is far from the glamorous misconception others may have, but who are we to complain? We have each other as a support system. We do the best that we can in our day to day lives, and try to enjoy every moment together. Even if that moment, shared within our chaotic life style, is running inside the kitchen sharing a bowl of cereal and within minutes running to our cars. Even though this may be the plotted path six days a week, we still make that time on the seventh day to make breakfast in bed, have a nice dinner, watch a movie, or get inspired by Mickey and Silvia and create some dirty dancing of our own.
Due to his job, I have made both professional and personal sacrifices to make sure that I can be there to support him. I know that what they go through isn't easy. He is a PGY-1 specializing within Interventional Radiology. He has been working 80+ hour work weeks,and is on night float, working in one of the largest level one trauma and teaching centers in the east coast. Life isn't all butterflies and daisy's. I've seen him, lose a few patients, and hit what I could imagine was the dirt under the "rock bottom". But we are the way we are, because we both have what we want. Each other. Nothing else matters. No calls from the hospital, 80+ hour work weeks, stressful nights/days, schedule conflicts, missed holiday, missed dinners.....It's something I cant explain in words, but some how we make it work.
Looking on this website, I finally understand why! We have learned what we can from other couples and have grown that inspiration. Reading each of your stories and talking to other couples. I can hardly see how this is possible to do alone. You women/men, go through just as much of the process and life style that your spouses live through, each and every day. Often giving up personal goals and dreams, sacrificing in ways that many others couldn't contemplate. A way I myself would never understand before I met him.
I cant help but get mad and then laugh each time someone learns about his occupation. I first get upset because of their snide and rude comments. I could care less what he did for a living, and he knows that. If anything I've fantasized him working a regular 9-5 job, even in retail, or a mall cop for all I care. I also didn't know what he did for a living until weeks into the relationship, when I was already falling head over heals for him. His occupation wouldn't change a thing. I fell in love with him. NOT the job. I even blew it off (which was a surprise for him). After I blow off some steam, I cant help but laugh it off. Its a shame very few people know of the struggles of being a spouse to a medical professional. I would love to see how fast the life style would scare them away. I doubt a gold digger could last in a relationship with a doctor unless it was known and expected on from both parties. I believe that also falls in the lines of prostitution. I am also not a lawyer. Getting paid for a fake relationship and sexual favors. I'll let you decide. (note to self: read up on the definition of prostitution)
I have yet to mention it to him, but I'm scarred. Not of him, marriage, moving or starting a family. Those are things we openly discus, and we're both equally looking forward to each and every moment we can share together. I'm not scared of struggling the next 10 years (military scholarship), or the possibility of not being excepted into his family. I may have forgotten to mention this, but yes we are an interracial couple. Literally being born into different cultures, religions, and in the opposite sides of the globe.
What scares me is the thought that he will be deployed once residency is finished. The possibility that not only his training now, would change him. But also his future military training. I'm scarred for the first time he has a child die in his arms, for all of the tests he has left. Scarred for his over all well-being. Sleep deprived is an understatement. He even lost 20 pounds within his first 2 months of residency. It has physically changed him and his personal health.
One of the worst parts is seeing him go through these things, know when he has bad day, watch him get called back to work after an hour of sleep, and feel like I can do nothing to help him. That feeling, is absolute torment. I can do my best to make sure he gets to eat home cooked meals, support him in any way I can, send inspiring, motivational, and sometimes silly texts at work, surprise him and everyone else with food. But all of those things seem minuscule to what he, and all residents must go through.
What I do in comparison, is hardly as respectable. I do not have MD in front of my name.
I have been offered jobs that would significantly improve our total income. Unfortunately, those jobs are further away then I'd like, and would be high profile, and stressful careers opportunities. I feel like a larger addition to our income would help him relax. But when I mentioned both to him he would say that I don't have to do that, and I'm sure the distance is a cause for his concern. But if I can make that extra money, which can help us financially, I feel like that would help him more then all of the little things I do now.
I've never felt so torn, and lost. What else can I do?
Jrev
I must say that I do feel rather misplaced on this website, but have many questions and concerns, which I'm sure any if not all of you could answer. To explain further I'll try to introduce myself as best as I can:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. We are not married. Although he has been hinting things, and talking about marriage quite often. He is the love of my life, and yet this can be overwhelming at times, but in a good way
. I know that he is "the one", we both have always known. I also understand that there is no such thing as fairy tales, which is why I will try my best, not to compare our relationship to made up stories. I may not be a Juliet, or have miles of beautiful blond hair for him to hold on to and climb up a tower where I was help captive. I can't simply open the window, whistle and sing a song for birds to fly in and help me clean the house, while cooking him a feast meant for kings. Life wouldn't be simple enough, to allow me to fall into a deep sleep next to my prince, and know that he will be there every morning to wake me up with a kiss. Oh, how I admired these women as a child.... only to grow up and learn of their phony lives. Life is funny like that. It seems as though the less you know, the purer you heart, and the easier it was to live in that world. Then with age, and knowledge, we are some how unable to shield our eyes, ears, and hearts from the crudeness of reality. But just how much of these tales are implausible, if any? Please understand that I was not raised with toys and electronics, nor did I ever ask or expect gifts as a child. Being raised in a family torn between divorces, crimes, drugs, and then shredded thin thanks to the necessary travel that comes with every military career... yes, that could play a part in my idolized childhood fantasy. Only.......... a year and a half ago, that question was challenged again.
The first day we met, he suggested and then bought me a tea at a local coffee shop, that night would end up being our vary first date. We got to know one another over a Hibachi dinner, and then took a walk in the park close by. The entire time he was looking... no starring.... straight into my eyes. Although he let his glance slip from time to time, you could tell that he was looking for much more than a weekend fling. He was truly trying to see me for who I was, rather then my looks. To this day, he is the only guy who has ever done that. Its still one of the most priceless gifts anyone could have given me. I could have shown up wearing a see-through dress, with 3 inch Steve madden's, and begged him to make physical advances toward me. But he never did. He was so enthralled in my stories, past or present, as I was with him.
On my birthday, he bought me many gifts. Worth more in love then in dollar signs, and that is exactly why I loved each of them. I'm an easy heart to please, and treasure the little things in life. A year and a half later he is still the only person I see in a crowded room, he still looks at me with his devoting stare, he is still my best friend, my partner in crime (hypothetically speaking), and even though our time and money is sparse, he always fines the time to remind me how much he loves me, and in turn how much I love him. Some will read this and want to puke. (I apologize, I should consider putting a tissue box as the header for this thread.)
But this is my life. Its not due to some "honeymoon stage". Its not a fairy tale, and to be honest I'm glad for that, because its so much more. He is my other half, my hero, stressed, hardworking, often unappreciated, overlooked, honest, kind, childish, over worked, studious, gentle, loving, prince. We are not perfect, but instead we compliment each others faults. When there is a problem we work together to fix it. We may not always have time for each other, but we make the time. This lifestyle is far from the glamorous misconception others may have, but who are we to complain? We have each other as a support system. We do the best that we can in our day to day lives, and try to enjoy every moment together. Even if that moment, shared within our chaotic life style, is running inside the kitchen sharing a bowl of cereal and within minutes running to our cars. Even though this may be the plotted path six days a week, we still make that time on the seventh day to make breakfast in bed, have a nice dinner, watch a movie, or get inspired by Mickey and Silvia and create some dirty dancing of our own.
Due to his job, I have made both professional and personal sacrifices to make sure that I can be there to support him. I know that what they go through isn't easy. He is a PGY-1 specializing within Interventional Radiology. He has been working 80+ hour work weeks,and is on night float, working in one of the largest level one trauma and teaching centers in the east coast. Life isn't all butterflies and daisy's. I've seen him, lose a few patients, and hit what I could imagine was the dirt under the "rock bottom". But we are the way we are, because we both have what we want. Each other. Nothing else matters. No calls from the hospital, 80+ hour work weeks, stressful nights/days, schedule conflicts, missed holiday, missed dinners.....It's something I cant explain in words, but some how we make it work.
Looking on this website, I finally understand why! We have learned what we can from other couples and have grown that inspiration. Reading each of your stories and talking to other couples. I can hardly see how this is possible to do alone. You women/men, go through just as much of the process and life style that your spouses live through, each and every day. Often giving up personal goals and dreams, sacrificing in ways that many others couldn't contemplate. A way I myself would never understand before I met him.
I cant help but get mad and then laugh each time someone learns about his occupation. I first get upset because of their snide and rude comments. I could care less what he did for a living, and he knows that. If anything I've fantasized him working a regular 9-5 job, even in retail, or a mall cop for all I care. I also didn't know what he did for a living until weeks into the relationship, when I was already falling head over heals for him. His occupation wouldn't change a thing. I fell in love with him. NOT the job. I even blew it off (which was a surprise for him). After I blow off some steam, I cant help but laugh it off. Its a shame very few people know of the struggles of being a spouse to a medical professional. I would love to see how fast the life style would scare them away. I doubt a gold digger could last in a relationship with a doctor unless it was known and expected on from both parties. I believe that also falls in the lines of prostitution. I am also not a lawyer. Getting paid for a fake relationship and sexual favors. I'll let you decide. (note to self: read up on the definition of prostitution)
I have yet to mention it to him, but I'm scarred. Not of him, marriage, moving or starting a family. Those are things we openly discus, and we're both equally looking forward to each and every moment we can share together. I'm not scared of struggling the next 10 years (military scholarship), or the possibility of not being excepted into his family. I may have forgotten to mention this, but yes we are an interracial couple. Literally being born into different cultures, religions, and in the opposite sides of the globe.
What scares me is the thought that he will be deployed once residency is finished. The possibility that not only his training now, would change him. But also his future military training. I'm scarred for the first time he has a child die in his arms, for all of the tests he has left. Scarred for his over all well-being. Sleep deprived is an understatement. He even lost 20 pounds within his first 2 months of residency. It has physically changed him and his personal health.
One of the worst parts is seeing him go through these things, know when he has bad day, watch him get called back to work after an hour of sleep, and feel like I can do nothing to help him. That feeling, is absolute torment. I can do my best to make sure he gets to eat home cooked meals, support him in any way I can, send inspiring, motivational, and sometimes silly texts at work, surprise him and everyone else with food. But all of those things seem minuscule to what he, and all residents must go through.
What I do in comparison, is hardly as respectable. I do not have MD in front of my name.
I have been offered jobs that would significantly improve our total income. Unfortunately, those jobs are further away then I'd like, and would be high profile, and stressful careers opportunities. I feel like a larger addition to our income would help him relax. But when I mentioned both to him he would say that I don't have to do that, and I'm sure the distance is a cause for his concern. But if I can make that extra money, which can help us financially, I feel like that would help him more then all of the little things I do now.
I've never felt so torn, and lost. What else can I do?Jrev
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