Husband of a wife dreaming of becoming an MD

[diggitydot]

Hmm, I wasn't aware of the family practice lifestyle in Canada...

Canadian medicine is a completely different beast from American medicine. Also, overhead is way different. There is one entity to bill and they ALWAYS pay.

[Pollyanna]

Wow!!! Welcome to the group!! I think you are awesome for supporting her dreams and goals. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of her getting admitted to a medical school in the US. Focus on applying to schools that prefer the non traditional student. Arizona is known to prefer those students (of course they also accept mostly residents). My point is that there are schools here your wife could get accepted. A 3.5, plus her career, life experience, and a good MCAT score makes her a great applicant. Best of luck, stick around, and post often!

[xngn8r]

Hmm, I wasn't aware of the family practice lifestyle in Canada...are you intending to settle back in the US or Canada when this is all over, or does it depend? What about being an NP in the US if you could get your job



I hope whatever you guys decide works out, but that is a dangerous way of thinking. It seems like she really would be an awesome doctor and deserves it, but at this point, you've got two young children to consider. As much as she may deserve it, it's not just about her anymore.

Additionally, how will it all work out financially? (that's a rhetorical question) She wont have the years of working to recover from the debt of training, and you'll have kids on the way to college.

Sorry if this is harsh. I could see the DO route being really rough, but working out. But not the Caribbean. Being away from such young children for so long or uprooting them to a VERY different world (and then uprooting them again for rotations and residency) in pursuit of something that may not even work out in the end just seems so very foolish and borderline selfish, especially given the debt and other opportunities she has to work in healthcare in a non-physician capacity.

Logically, you are absolutely right. But I think at this point it has become something more. She is not ruling out going to CRNA school. She is just not very happy about it. I do not think I have spent a single day lately without thinking about it. As for my career....I really do not have one. Physios can work in one clinic today, and then in another one tomorrow. I do not really have some great job that I would be sacrificing. One clinic is just as good or bad as another.

[xngn8r]

Canadian medicine is a completely different beast from American medicine. Also, overhead is way different. There is one entity to bill and they ALWAYS pay.

Yes, the overhead in Canada is not big. You can work out of small office. Some form groups and share overhead costs. You can even get a bigger place and rent the rest of it out to pharmacy and chiros/physios. There will be line-ups of them begging to let you in. The insurance rates for doctors are much lower in Canada, because they are partially covered by government. That makes any litigation against physicians a very difficult process, that often ends up in nothing. One interventional Anesthesiologist I know left his Manhattan practice and came back to Canada. He got tired of fighting with Insurance companies denying payments for injections. Now he works in Pain Clinic in Toronto and does not have to worry about his services being unpaid.

[ladymoreta]

CRNA is a really good path with nice schedules. Really nice... At DH's hospital, they mostly just work weekdays and Saturday mornings. The anesthesiologists cover overnight and Sundays. They get lunch breaks and get to go home before most of the doctors.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I still can't get over the impact to your children (especially your oldest) having to move to the Caribbean for 2 years. I mean it sounds awesome but what about schooling? Or friends? And if you don't go with her, what about the impact (especially for your younger child) of being away from Mama for 2 years.

Listen, I get that she has this dream but she's also a parent. There are lots of things I do sacrifice for my spouse but that completely pales in comparison to what I would sacrifice (virtually everything) for my child. I just think that this gets to be borderline selfish once you have these kids involved and she's got other GREAT options. Most people (not all but most) don't have kids when they start this journey and there's a reason for that...it's not one where you can have divided loyalties. That combined with the risk of not matching because of a Caribbean program and being an IMG means it totally would not be worth it for my family.

I really do admire your willingness to support her though. I know there are a lot of women who would kill for that level of support.

[HouseofWool]

I still can't get over the impact to your children (especially your oldest) having to move to the Caribbean for 2 years. I mean it sounds awesome but what about schooling? Or friends? And if you don't go with her, what about the impact (especially for your younger child) of being away from Mama for 2 years.

Listen, I get that she has this dream but she's also a parent. There are lots of things I do sacrifice for my spouse but that completely pales in comparison to what I would sacrifice (virtually everything) for my child. I just think that this gets to be borderline selfish once you have these kids involved and she's got other GREAT options. Most people (not all but most) don't have kids when they start this journey and there's a reason for that...it's not one where you can have divided loyalties. That combined with the risk of not matching because of a Caribbean program and being an IMG means it totally would not be worth it for my family.

I really do admire your willingness to support her though. I know there are a lot of women who would kill for that level of support.

I think this is where I get hung up too.

For my personal life, I would not be living where I am AT ALL. I truly dislike it here and find it nearly impossible to make friends. However, I live near family, the schools are good, and the cost of living is reasonable. I've made enormous sacrifices to my personal happiness and satisfaction in life because being close to family is better for my kids. We see my sister's family daily, we see one set of grandparents weekly. My kids are in a fantastic school that fits their personalities and learning styles. As a single mom, these trump my need to find a new partner in life (unlikely to happen here) or to enjoy the climate (not a fan of winter at all).

That said, I have a standing offer for my current job to move to a local that I love. When the kids are grown and no longer so needy, then I will seriously consider moving. Until then, I've given up on my dreams because it is not the best thing for the kids. It sucks. Some days it sucks the very soul from me, but, I am a grown up and my responsibility is to provide the best childhood possible for my kids, enabling them to become happy, productive adults.

[diggitydot]

I dunno -- I kinda think moving and not being near family is just fine. We haven't lived anywhere near either of our respective families for almost a decade and I much prefer the distance.

Some kids are really great about relocating. Ours do it like champs. Thy have no problems finding their niche wherever we live.

You know your family best. Do whatever makes the most sense for YOUR situation. And then come here to vent when shit goes sideways. That's what we're here for. We get it.

[ides]

I personally think its insane to start in medicine at 40.

[Pollyanna]

Eh, look, if everyone listened when people said their dream was selfish, stupid, unrealistic, etc. no one would ever do anything. It is doable, is it easy? No, but nothing worthwhile is easy. Trust me, plenty of my "friends" felt that my dh was being irresponsible going to medical school when we were in our 30's and expecting baby number 4. It's not a question of IF you can make it work, more like HOW will we make it work and come out stronger on the other side.

[bobk]

Eh, look, if everyone listened when people said their dream was selfish, stupid, unrealistic, etc. no one would ever do anything. It is doable, is it easy? No, but nothing worthwhile is easy. Trust me, plenty of my "friends" felt that my dh was being irresponsible going to medical school when we were in our 30's and expecting baby number 4. It's not a question of IF you can make it work, more like HOW will we make it work and come out stronger on the other side.

Fair enough, but there's a huge difference between starting training in your 30s vs 40s, especially if you've got kids. You also imply that people should always provide encouragement, no matter what the goal is. Most people offer advice not to discourage, but to help people avoid the hardships they've faced or have seen others deal with.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I also think there's a difference between US med school and other med schools. Fact is, the match rate is simply a lot lower especially for an IMG. I'm not saying it's right but it's a fact. I still wouldn't think a US med school was a great idea but I think Caribbean med school is a bad one because of the strain on the family for a much lower probability of success. It's a different tradeoff if you're younger and don't have kids - it's a different risk to take. No disrespect to our Caribbean spouses, I think we can agree that it's a hard and stressful road where there are a TON of sacrifices.

Plus, banking on her getting all of her 3rd/4th year rotations in the same location is dangerous. What if that doesn't happen and the family is forced to live apart for those years in addition to the ones in school?

[rainbabies]

We lived in the Caribbean with a baby, then two babies. It was the pits. I hated every minute of it. We went together. There were spouses who went alone, but most of them didn't last. Just my own personal Experience, of course.
Dh rotated all but peds, in Baltimore. He matched w/o a problem. That was 7 years ago. It's all about how driven you are, IMO.

[corn poffi]

Adding on to what T&S said, being an older grad and a Carribean grad could be a double-whammy. One of the things that residency programs look at is how an applicant would fit in at a program. For smaller programs with young faculty, they might not necessarily want an intern who is older than the faculty.

[Vishenka69]

I completely agree with the advice of "don't go to med school unless nothing else will make you happy."

That said, have you guys considered Sackler? It's technically a US school even though it's located in Israel. We have a number of friends who finished it. Matching to a competitive program in a specific location is tricky but FM isn't a very popular specialty at the moment.

CRNA is also a good alternative but I'm not familiar with the level of autonomy they have in Canada.

Btw, both my husband and I are also from Ukraine.

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