What new hell is this?

[jennschwaz]

Hello, iMSN members,

I found you this afternoon when a bout of tears lead me to google "med school spouse support."

My DH is an M4 applying for residency in ENT. We are late bloomers, coming to careers in medicine after spending our 20s in the worlds of theater and rock music. I am an RN who finished my Masters degree and passed the Family Nurse Practitioner certification boards in April of this year. We have been married for 6 years, so the majority of our married life has been eaten by his career hopes: from studying for the MCAT, to applying for med school, to medical school itself). In addition to being a "nontraditional student" on account of his age and educational/occupational background, my husband is, I swear, one of the most dedicated, compassionate, intelligent, hard-working medical students in his class at a pretty prestigious med school. The current cherry on top of our situation is that we are expecting our first child (after a heartbreaking 3.5 year struggle with infertility) in January.

The reason I became a forum member today is because my husband is freaking out about all of the rejections that he is receiving from ENT residency programs. I've managed to be upbeat so far because I truly believe such a gifted and hardworking student as him couldn't possibly not earn the recognition that he deserves (of course I'm biased), but today he told me that all but 12 of the 75 programs he applied to have sent out their invitations to interview, and he's only got 4 invitations (all from programs that already know him and how amazing he is from his away rotations), 2 waitlists and a slew of rejections.

I'm starting to lose faith and getting really scared here. Since a freak medical condition permanently damaged the hearing in one ear (devastating for a musician) his one dream has been to become an ENT surgeon. I'd already given up my own dreams of raising our child near friends and family, knowing that the match will determine our fate, but now I'm facing the very real possibility of nursing a broken-hearted and spirit-crushed husband while also dealing with the stress of nursing our first child (and I'm already at risk for postpartum depression based on my own medical history!)

Jesus! I thought the med school application process was rough! Dear lord, help.

[weeniegeniewife]

Welcome! So glad you found us. We get it, promise.

[poky]

Welcome, and congratulations on your pregnancy and degree! My DH is also non-trad, by way of engineering/programming.

You've got a lot to deal with.

1) It's not impossible that he'll still get a few more interview invites as other people decline invitations and interview slots open back up.
2) You only need one interview to be able to match, and he's got 4, so he DOES have a decent chance of Matching. Not a sure thing, but a definite chance.
3) You should look into what support his school has for SOAP (the new "scramble" process that started last year or the year before), so that if he DOESN'T match, you know what to do and who to go to for help.

We've had someone here who's been through almost any medical training situation, so vent away in the sure knowledge that we get it, and we're here for you.

[Vanquisher]

Hugs!! DH's best friend in med school went for ENT and didn't match as a MS-4. He ended up doing a research rotation at a program and matched there the following year. If your DH doesn't match, there is hope. However, the match is a few months away yet, and he does have some interviews. Try to stay positive and interview well. Although more interviews are better, it only takes one to match. Good luck!

We get it and are here for you. Keep posting!

[diggitydot]

You're in good company here. Lots of non-trads and people freaking out over the match. Welcome to the group. We speak your language around these parts.

[scrub-jay]

Welcome! Match is a special little hell, we get it. I was pregnant through Match season too. Hang in there, it's a wild ride.

[MarissaNicole]

Match is rough - and ENT is competitive! I truly hope it all works out for both of you, but I would suggest having him talk to his advisor and think about putting a backup plan in place. (SOAP into another specialty or planning to do research).

Medicine is not an easy road. I wish I had better advice or more comforting words.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

Welcome! I'm sorry this match process has been so difficult. Have faith though -- many programs will still offer additional interviews (many do them in rounds). The good news is that he has interviews at places that know and like him. That gives him the chance to reinforce that positive impression in the interviews and hopefully have someone who has actually worked with him go to bat for him.

And if he doesn't match, that doesn't mean the end (even if it feels like it). My husband's med school roommate didn't match the first year and instead scrambled (pre-SOAP obviously) into a prelim spot. The next year he went into a program that he loves and is a great fit.

Keep posting -- it helps having people who get it! You found us around the same time I did in the process (and searching the same thing).

[SoonerTexan]

Welcome! We are in the process of matching too (Rads) and are expecting #2 in Feb. Ironically another MS4 we know was visiting us this weekend and both her and DH said they have heard ENT is REALLY competitive this year.

Has he considered applying to more spots? Any lower-tier programs he passed over he can apply to now? DH is doing okay on interview numbers, but we were surprised at some of the places he was outright rejected or never heard from. And pleasantly surprised at the quality of program/life at some of the places we initially discounted that he has already interviewed at. And we are DEFINITELY seeing the regional bias.

[alotofyarn]

Welcome and congratulations - and as everyone else has said, you're in good company!

My husband was also non-traditional, and we're expecting our first after struggling with infertility as well - we're a year ahead of you, having matched into urology last year, which is competitive like ENT. Some schools will send out a second wave of invitations, so hopefully between that and the remaining 12, he'll get more. Having programs that know him will definitely help too, so his chances at matching at those may be better than average. I'm glad you found us, and I hope we can be helpful throughout this whole crappy process!

[L.Jane]

We get it. My Uncle didn't match the first round of ENT, scrambled into a gen surg for a year, then matched the next year and is now a very prominant ENT in his area. The road may be tough, but its doable. Hopefully since these programs know your DH, you are more likely to match. I know how scary it is. I too am preggers and will be moving from one coast to the next this June with a 6 week old for my DH to start his fellowship. I'm glad you found us. This place helps a lot.

[MsSassyBaskets]

Welcome! Vent away, stick around, and post often. My DH is a nontraditional MS-3, and since I joined the summer after MS-1 this site has been a wealth of information about how the process works and how to deal with it. Everyone gets it. And many congrats on your growing family!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We had a baby in January of MS-4. We get it. The uncertainty of pretty much everything was completely overwhelming. But, I will say that it was a great time to have a baby because DH was home for so many months before residency started. It was such a gift for him to have that time to bond with our daughter - I will tell you I think it was the absolute perfect time to have the baby.

As for the interview numbers, etc. I totally agree with having him speak to his advisor/make a back-up plan. He's still got a good chance of matching but what if he doesn't? Will he go the research route and re-match or try to scramble into general surgery (I assume he'd rather stay surgical than scramble into something less similar to ENT). Point is, it's better to have a plan in place about what you will do so that it's not a total panic if he doesn't match. You completely believe in him and support him but maybe having a plan will make you both feel calmer. My DH and I discussed this prior to beginning the Match. We agreed that if he didn't match (Uro is as competitive as ENT), he would do one research year and then would apply in both general surgery and urology to up his chances of matching. I was willing to wait one year but no more to get started on residency training. We weren't completely non-traditional as DH took off 3 years (2 before, 1 during) med school but we were definitely slightly older/wanted to get training over with!!!

[MrsK]

and You've come to the right place.

[ladymoreta]

Welcome, and hugs! I agree with the advice you've gotten so far - have a plan, but don't lose hope. Regardless of how this process goes, this site is a great resource for you. We're here for you, and I hope it works out this year.