Hi Everyone

I'm Lori, and my husband is an Infectious Disease attending.

I never thought I'd find a place like this. Everytime I did a search on physician support groups and forums and such, the results would come back with every support group that contained the words "...check with your physican" or something to that effect. There are a lot of support forums, yet not many for docs themselves.

I just read "The Medical Marriage," so I took a chance and googled "medical spouse." It looks like I lucked out.

Anyway, I look forward to talking with you guys, and I hope I don't scare off any of the significant others/spouses who have loved ones still in training. 8O I'll try to keep my rants to a minimum.

Thanks!

[PrincessFiona]

rant away...and welcome!! My husband is an ID attending too. He did his fellowship at UF. How long has your dh been out-of-training? I would be interested in hearing about life in practice for you guys...we've got questions of our own and we're already 3 years out.

Welcome to the group..

kris

[Meenah]

Welcome Lori,
Glad you found us. My husband is a Pulmonary/Critical Care attending, which means he calls ID alot!!! We are in New Jersey. I look forward to getting to know you.
Luanne

Hi Kris and Luanne,

Kris, we're 5 years out of training. Though I'm thankful for the salary change from fellow to attending, the stress level seems to be ever present. I don't know why I thought it would diminish ~ wishful thinking I suppose.

Luanne, we're in Illinois. My husband always has great things to say about the Pulmonary guys!

Thank you for the welcome, and I'm glad I found you guys too.

[Flynn]

Welcome!!! I hope you enjoy using this site as it deems necessary and also imparting wisdom on us tikes who are still slugging away in the training process!

My DH and I are always talking about "the right job" (hopefully we will have more than a couple choices!) where he can have a fantastic career AND be an active husband and dad. Academics seems like a closed door for us due to the constant demands of the doc's time but we aren't ruling anything out just yet. I've enjoyed your posts on "limits" and how a Type A personality can become a workaholic in a heartbeat which at times is ok -- but the doc needs to be able to reel it in sometimes when family life is suffering (or better yet, before!).

Early on in our marriage I was (silly me) shocked at how my DH could be home for dinner for the first time in weeks, eat, not do his dishes, and then casually say he had to read and leave!!!! That seems like a million years ago now but at the time it was a huge slap in the face. We've had many battles on how to balance this lifestyle and I am happy to say that although I have some bruises from the past, things are pretty darn good right now despite all the challenges. The credit goes to both of us for slugging it out, compromising when necessary, and growing (despite the crappy life of residency) as a couple.

I guess I'm trying to say it's never to late to bring some balance into your life if two people in the relationship are willing. I wonder if your DH knows you think the marriage is "limping along?" Hang in there and never doubt that you DO have the right to have a say in your DH's career -- not only a right but an obligation!!

Welcome and know you are valued here!!!

Flynn, thank you for your warm welcome and kind words! It means a great deal to me.

I sincerely hope that none of my posts turn anyone off, especially those who are engaged, newly married or plugging away through training. I remember hating when the women in my family would sneer about DH and I "still being in love" in our second year of marriage, how it was only a matter of time before that changed. They came across so bitter (though looking back, I see now they were kidding). I promise I will try not to leave you guys feeling that way.

In other words, I think you can be in a medical marriage and be happy. It's just some of us take longer than others. I'm in that first category.

I guess I'm trying to say it's never to late to bring some balance into your life if two people in the relationship are willing.

That's a very good point. I forget that sometimes, and it's nice to have a fresh perspective. I have a feeling you'll be the one imparting wisdom!

...know you are valued here!!!

Boy, that was good to hear!! Thank you again!

Welcome, Lori!

Thank you, Esther...and what a pretty name!

Hi Lori! Since you said hello in my post I'll say hello in yours! I'm glad I found this site, too. Did you like reading the "Medical Marriage"?

Stella

Hi Stella!

Though parts of "The Medical Marriage" are dry, much of it is helpful in that it validates how you or your spouse might being feeling. It mentions the frustrations, the delaying of gratification, the tendency for our spouses to get wrapped up in themselves (that's a big one).

It also lists warning signs that your spouse might be a little too stressed ~ almost all applied to my husband. Really...to the point that it was funny. One sign was the excessive use of profanity.

I'd like to see a few more books on the subject. Maybe a book that really speaks to the spouse, written by one or more spouses. Something fashioned after "The Girlfriend's Guide To Pregnancy." Hmm..."The Girlfriend's Guide To Living With Dr. Crabby."

Hi Lori,

I'm late in welcoming you - but welcome! Glad you found us. I'm Jill, the spouse of a second-year ID fellow. I'd love to find out more about your transition from fellowship to attending and how your job search went. My DH went to med school in Chicago and it is on our list of places to consider moving to.

Welcome!