He just started!

My partner got into a local (and very good med school) and just started last week. I am trying hard to adjust to his schedule and his lack of attention. Words of wisdom anyone?

[PrincessFiona]

Robert,

Welcome to the group. There are several transitional periods during medical training where I found that I also struggled to adjust to all of the changes in the schedule.

My words of wisdom (the cliffs notes version ) are to

1. accep that their availability has changed at least temporarily
2. Find some activities outlets for yourself that get you out and about and doing some things that you enjoy.
3. Think outside of the box in terms of communication etc. Things are going to be different now, but different doesn't have to mean worse. Try email, putting notes in your partner's pockets, going up to the med school to have lunch/dinner, etc etc.
4. Join our wonderful community

kris

Robert,
Welcome to the forum! My wife just began her second year so I can cleary remember the difficulties of the first year. I heartily agree with what Kris said about availability issues and learning new ways to communicate.

I might add or qualify that I think that the most extreme learning curve for the medical student and the partner exists in the "first year" but availability "issues" will really be part of the entire medical package. I'm not trying to suggest Kris doesn't know this, because she certainly has been on this journey longer than I have. I just feel the need to write that because the training process and the post-training package is a lifetime deal.

I expect that the sheer volume of the course and labwork (anatomy) will certainly feel overwhelming for your partner. In addition, the stresses of meeting new people and the changes in your relationship will be very difficult. Keep yourself busy and keep your expectations low for your partner -- it will be beneficial for you both especially in the first six weeks of school.

Allow him the freedom to bond with his classmates and for him to decide whether or not he should go to some social functions alone. That said, if he wants you to accompany him at every event that's perfectly fine too. But give him the freedom to adjust to being one of the group. Trust me, you'll tire quickly of the medicine-focused conversations that will predominate so-called "social" events. The students can't help but be engrossed in their studies; they really don't have a choice especially in the first semester.

Good luck. Take care of yourself.

[PrincessFiona]

but availability "issues" will really be part of the entire medical package. I'm not trying to suggest Kris doesn't know this, because she certainly has been on this journey longer than I have.

hehehe...I guess I was trying to gently break him in! In the long run though, they can be temporary depending on their specialty choice. My husband is an ID doc now who works from 8-9am to 5-7pm with call on-campus call every 6th weekend and call from home ever other day (but it isn't bad and he rarely has to go in). So I guess I've already lost touch!

kris

I guess I was trying to gently break him in!

I totally understand! I hope I didn't seem to pessimistic. I guess my post could be read as discouraging, but I didn't aim to discourage or dishearten Robert. You're absolutely right that some specialities can be more lifestyle-friendly than others. But it'll take a while to become an attending in any specialty.

One good thing is that Robert and his partner didn't have to move because of medical school or have a long distance relationship because of it. Also, things should get better after the first round of tests in terms of the medical student's overall level of anxiety. Also, winter break should be wide open in terms of no academic demands. I guess a few weeks into the semester, Robert and his partner could start planning small activities or events to look forward to in the future.

Welcome, Robert! I'm sure you'll find LOTS of tips as you read through old posts... many of us have asked the same questions.

For me, keeping busy has been key. It's good that you're staying in the area since you already have your own social network in place. One of the hardest things is not being able to plan things together and having to work around his exam schedule. It's also hard for me not to be jealous as my bf bonds with new classmates/interns/etc.

Good luck and post often!

[Meenah]

Welcome Robert,
I agree with what everyone else has said here. My husband is a Critical Care attending and his schedule sucks for life!!!! We manage. I am a nurse in the same hospital so we do have some meals together and get to see one another. Welcome.
Luanne