Depressed and need advice

Hello there,

I'm new to this forum--I'm a 27-year old married woman to an MD. My hubby is in his residency right now. I am also a pre-med student, at least for the time being. My original plan was to enter medical school, but right now that is up in the air because of my poor MCAT scores (25).

Anyhow, lately, for the past several months, I've been feeling pretty depressed and worthless. I pretty much feel like the un-important spouse, my current job sucks (am looking for a new one but it's slim pickings out there), and I've had a very hard time making friends. I am unsure if med school is truly the right decision for me as well.

Anyone else out there feel similarly or have any advice to avoid feeling like the un-important spouse? When I was visiting my parents the other week, they had the nerve to say to me (regarding my own medical aspirations), "why can't you just be a doctor's wife--instead of the doctor?" That pissed me off big time, and made me feel even more worthless.

Any advice?

-LR

Re: Depressed and need advice

When I was visiting my parents the other week, they had the nerve to say to me (regarding my own medical aspirations), "why can't you just be a doctor's wife--instead of the doctor?"

First of all, I hope your husband and your friends are more supportive than your parents! When your parents don't support your career goals/ambitions, it can be difficult--but now that we're adults at least they are not our one and only source of moral support! (I went through something similar with my parents, who eventually came around.) But I especially hope your husband is engaged in your future career and educational goals, and that he is not the one making you feel like the "unimportant spouse." It might help to talk to him about how you're feeling, too.

My original plan was to enter medical school . . .

Is your interest in medicine related to your husband's career at all, or is it what you would choose to do even if you were not married to him? If it is what you really want to do, then great! Study hard and pursue it. (However, you will have to work at not comparing your experience with his. My husband and I are both very competitive, and I know if we were working in the same field, we would tend to compete with each other, which would be weird and bad. As it is now, we can compete in our own spheres and be really excited about each other's successes.)

If, on the other hand, you're really not sure about what you want to do "when you grow up" (which can be petrifying at our age--I know about that feeling, too), then be patient with yourself, talk to a career counselor, and explore your options. Find something you love. But realize that your sense of importance (as compared to your husband) is really unrelated to your career choice. Find thing that fulfill you--in a career, in other activities, and as a person--and do those things. Once you are doing work and activities that are meaningful to you, you will not feel like the "unimportant spouse."

Good luck!!!

[SuzySunshine]

I agree with the sentiments that you should not feel worthless if you choose not to go into medicine. But if the medical field really is your interest, maybe another side of it rather than a doctor. Nurses make great money and many of the ones that I know say (and the doctors will agree with them) that their jobs are more personally fulfilling because you get more personal time with the patient.

I know what you mean about feeling like the less significant spouse. Everything revolves around the resident in the family, schedules, vacations, weekends, etc. and its easy to get left out. With that said, is there a spouse group at your husband's residency location? The group here has just about every hobby club you could ever want to join, book club, etc. If not, how about a church group?

Regardless of what you decide to do career-wise I think it is very important to have your own life or you'll resent your husband's.

Good luck and we're always here. :chat: