Med Student Girlfriend -- any advice?!?!

My long-time boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is heading off to medical school in August. He will just be finishing undergrad, and I will be finishing up my first year of work as of June 1! ( I graduated from the same University a year ahead of him )

Ever since I graduated, the deal was that I would work for a year and then we would end up moving to wherever he ended up deciding to go to medical school. Well he has made his choice, and although I am really excited, I have been having some mixed feelings as well.

This year that we have been apart, him at school and me in another city working, has had its ups and downs. We have visited the med schools together and have decided that we want to move in with each other. However, I am somewhat scared about the whole process. You always hear mixed reviews --- some people say relationships survive the tough schedules of med school, while others seem to fizzle. Does anyone have any advice? I am scared b/c I am leaving a great job that I love and moving to a new city ... I want to make sure that it doesn't affect his studies and that we both are happy.

I know we love each other and provide a great support network -- so I don't question our relationship in that respect. What recommendations does anyone have who has gone through this? What does it take to continue a good relationship and ensure that it is as successful as it can be?

Sorry so long! So much I'm concerned about!

[SuzySunshine]

My DH and I went through this EXACT same thing. I graduated in December and he graduated the following May. We were in Lawrence, KS. I moved to Denver, CO and he continued with the medical school application process. We'd been dating for 18 months by this point. He moved to Palo Alto, CA in September after his graduation and I moved to CA in February. So we were apart for 14 months total and I left a job that I could have really enjoyed and really moved up in but I wouldn't trade where we are now for the world.

Don't get me wrong I was scared to death moving to California with no ring, no commitment and we didn't live together when I moved there. But if you have the faith that the relationship is strong do what you think is right. The first sememster of med school is VERY hard with anatomy. I'm actually glad I wasn't there while he went through this. If you're concerned about the solidity of any of it then I would stay where you are for another semester at least, let him get settled and then join him. Is that a possibility.

Feel free to PM me, I'm happy to answer any questions - my DH and I went through it and I'm happy to help!

Honestly, coming to this forum was a great start! I have learned so much from these women (and men) and their experiences that I feel I am very informed and prepared for what lies ahead of me.

I am moving in with my (cross your fingers!) soon to be fiance later this year and I am nervous as well how we're going to do living together. We've been doing a LD relationship for over a year and I think it has helped my BF adjust to school and focus on his studies. The LD has also allowed me to be more independent and focus on my friendships with girlfriends, which I love.

My BF and I really only fight because of the strain of the distance, otherwise when we're together we're happy as can be, so I am looking forward to being together everyday. This forum has taught me that you have to be very patient and understanding. You need to keep realistic expectations and know what's coming ahead of you. I'm also leaving a great job, but I'm returning to grad school so that I can keep myself busy while my BF is drowning in med school. That way, I'm not starving for attention and am working to improve myself.

So my advice is to find a new job that will keep you busy and challenged, and keep your expectations realistic. You'll be fine, good luck and PM me if you have anymore questions!

[Meenah]

Welcome to this site. You will find a wealth of information and support here. There will always be someone who is,has or will be going through the same stuff!!!! I always compare it to an emotional roller coaster.
Luanne

It is so nice to hear words of advice from people who are going through, or have been through, similar experiences. Speaking to others outside of the "med school" circle can help, but I believe that talking to people who have a real sense of the committment and effort that medical school seems to take is essential. I am so glad that I posted and can have these conversations with people who understand!

I have been trying to learn a lot about the whole process, and figuring out what to expect in the next few months. The more I listen to everyone there are a few key things that keep surfacing: Understanding the committment ... My BF is so driven and so focused on this, and I'm sure that everyone has seen the same in their situations! I mean, I am quite independent and driven, but those in med school have to be so focused and intense!

It seems like the essential things to focus on are keeping an open mind, not expecting too much of a time committment from them, serving as a support system during the hectic times, and realizing the demanding schedules that they face, whether is med school, rotation, residency, etc....

Also, maintaining a strong sense of self and using the time to focus on the things that you want to accomplish ... making new friends, moving forward in your career, going back to school, whatever it might be!

What other words of advice or tips does everyone have?

My Dh starts in August too.

I finished my undergrad before DH, too.

The funny thing is, I had no qualms about packing things into a little uhaul trailer and driving my chevette 1/3 of the way across the country to live with him his last year. I didn't have a job lined up, and just jumped in with both feet.

We had dated for about a year before I moved out to the east coast to be with him. That was, what, 13 years ago? All I can hope is that all our experience with working opposite shifts and rarely sharing days off back then helps come this fall.

All I can hope is that all our experience with working opposite shifts and rarely sharing days off back then helps come this fall.

In my experience, that was very helpful for me and my wife. The two years prior to medical school matriculation, my wife (who wasn't my wife at the time) and I worked jobs that had different shifts and required her to have "on" weekends. These first two years of med school have seemed easier comparably given that DW studies at home rather than the library.