New to board - any MD-PhD victims, er, wives here?

Welcome and glad you found us!

There are several spouses of MD/PhDers and quite a few surgery resident spouses as well (who can share their, er, feelings, about transplant surgery rotations).

And most everyone here as taken at least a ride or two in the Wah-bulance. Vent freely.

[Sheherezade]

Don't apologize for being down. That has to be rough not having any peers that are in a similar place in their lives. Can you try expanding the social circle with organizations, clubs, or other things? So much of life is all about the doc in training, its painful if your social circle revolves around that as well. The doctor's wife image is something we regularly trash around here, so at least you won't get any of that bull from us . I hope things look up soon. Surgery is a long haul. Come here and share anytime you need an understanding "ear".

[Meenah]

Hi and welcome,
It sounds like you found us just in time!!! This is a gerat site to share and vent. We also share the happy times too.
Luanne

[DCJenn]

If there's a recent downswing in surgical applicants, it's because those already few in number are brought in to this website (kicking and screaming) to actually read the postings of the surgical spouses. Seriously, they have no idea the impact that their choice of career can have on spouse/kids/pets/home life/parents....

So, welcome aboard. We have several spouses who have been or are in your exact shoes. Feel free to vent at any time.

Jenn

PS- you will find that on your bad days, we have people that will make you laugh, give you a virtual shoulder to cry on, and if you want us to bash your spouse (even if you decide to like him 2 hours later...we can dish it out, too!) We've all been there in one form or another!

[fluffhead]

We got married a month after she defended (our honeymoon was collating and pasting her thesis together, and I got it bound for her as a surprise gift - never mind that I'd already had my phd for 5 years at that point and never got a bound copy), and she started MS-3 2 weeks after our wedding.
Rude awakening indeed.
Hang in there. It will be rough going in spots, but MS-4 should be pretty nice.
Nice to have you here.

[Flynn]

Welcome. This is the place to be for support. It has been great for me to have. I wish I had found it sooner.

Like Ladybug, I have to agree that surgery sux. Read the archives -- better yet have your HUSBAND read the surgery archives. Not a pretty picture...and transplant? EEEGADS. Any chance he could pick something other than surgery?

Welcome and post often.

Welcome! You are really lucky to have found this place because everyone here is just incredible! Believe me, we have all experienced the same emotions as you so whenever you need a shoulder to lean on, you'll find it here. Post often...even if you are feeling a little down.

Where in NC are you located? My husband and I moved to NC a year ago from CA.

Welcome! You found the right spot. I am sorry you are feeling the way you are but you are certainly not alone. Again, read through the archives, you will find a lot of info about surgery in general.
My DH just finished a transplant rotation and all I have to say is it was HELL. I can't speak for the attendings but my poor DH was literally worked to complete exhaustion in transplant. NEVER home and so severly sleep- deprived that he says he felt like he had Alzheimers. Your DH needs to sit down and do his homework about this field before he commits, especially being an older student. General surgery is 5 years! Transplant will require additional training. Does he have the energy to work for 5 years +, 100+ hours EVERY week and make the life sacrifice required? Are YOU willing to commit to the sacrifice required on your part? And trust me, your part will be bigger than you imagine. Think, single mother/wife taking care of EVERYTHING that your hubbie can't do because he's too busy or too tired becoming a surgeon.
My DH didn't do the MD/PHD but he wanted to. His training is close to it though: 5 years general surgery, 2 years research and 2 years fellowship. 9 years total and lots of moving. I feel your pain, I really do.
I am sorry if I come across aggressive, angry and pessimistic but that's the way I feel at the moment. I think it's important for all involved contemplating a surgery path needs to know exactly what they are getting themselves into before they commit.
People who say "poor you, WAH you married a doctor" Yeah, I'd like to smack em one too. You have to try to let it go. Those who understand medical education will be symphatic, those who don't will NEVER understand. Unfortunately, there are more of those who don't get it. I have wasted one too many breaths trying to explain the path, the financial implications, the difficulties and they either simply DO NOT believe me or their eyes glaze over in complete and utter indifference.
If I have any advice, be proactive in finding out about the path, lifestyles, programs etc with his potential choices for residency. If he's considering derm for example, look on this site, PM people and ask around. It's your life too!
Post often and keep your chin up!

[Flynn]

Amen! I hate to sound discouraging, but transplant was definitely in the top 3 worst rotations we did, and we didn't even have our munchkin back then. It's important to do what you love, but you also have an obligation to balance your passions with the needs of your family, at least if you expect them to stick around.

Ditto
Amen

Looking BEFORE you leap is a big deal here....

[houseelf]

Sorry to be the killjoy, but Transplant is known to be a hellish place even amongst those of us forced to endure the hell known as surgery. I highly recommend not going this route if you plan on having a family.

Welcome to the boards. Sorry to be so brutally honest from the outset.

Kelly

Great news! after only three weeks of 3rd year rotation (2 of transplant, one of neuro) DH told me last night that "surgery is completely off the career list. It's just too grueling." YAY!!!!!!!!!
:=

I can honestly say I am quite relieved for you both!

Welcome -

The folks on this board have been my salvation. They're empathetic, laugh out loud funny, opinionated , and understand what "married a doctor" means (no pearls on my neck - that's for sure!).

Transplant sucks, but take heart (no pun intended) , you'll find that early on most MS think they want to devote their life to every other rotation they're on. I realize he's done his PhD, and may have done some more specialized research in the area, but I've found that the specialty answer is one that can seriously fluctuate.