Good to be here :)

Even though my boyfriend of the past two years are not yet married, I can relate to your posts more than I have been able to with anyone, particularly my friends and family who constantly remind me to "hold onto him because he will make me a lot of money one day."

We have already faced many challenges in our relationship. He is in his third year of medical school, and we have had a LDR from the very beginning due to a wide range of circumstances (he's from NY, I'm from IL, I lived in France for five months, I finished undergrad five hours away and now he is two hours away). Fortunately, we have always felt right together, and still feel that way. But now he's feeling guilty that I'm sacrificing so much to be with him, and I'm starting to realize just how much that really is, and is going to be. There's no doubt I want to be with him on this, but it's difficult to express my feelings to him because I don't want to compound his stress level or make him feel as though I don't want to be with him anymore.

I want this relationship to work more than anything in the world. I'm just worried because we are so happy now and I don't want to imagine our relationship being destroyed by medical school and residency because I love him too much. I do consider myself an independent person, so I am trying to see the prospect of residency as time for me to explore what I enjoy. Plus, having been apart from him for so long, I would think that any time together is better than every few weeks or months like we have done before.

Thanks for listening. Please write and share your stories too - it helps to hear what you are going through as well.

-Monique

[mommax3]

Welcome, Monique!

I am glad you have found us and I hope you post often so we can get to know you better.....jump in!

It sounds like you and your boyfriend have found a comfortable place in your relationship. There are several members that have survived LDRs and hopefully they will chime in with their stories. 3rd year of med school is no picnic, yet you describe your relationship as a happy one....I think that bodes well for the future!

Looking forward to reading more of your posts....

Sally

Monique,

If he's already in his 3rd year of med school, you're pretty far along with the whole experience and it sounds like you're doing well. My advice is to take everything day by day, or month by month. Looking too far into the future will only lead to worries about the unknown. I have recently realized just how much I'm giving up careerwise for my fiance. The city that his school is in has almost a non-existant job market, and I'm in finance which is a pretty broad field! I quit my job, left my friends and family, and moved in with him in August. We did long distance for a year and a half. Is it worth it? I do get homesick, but I am so much more at ease and happy with our relationship when we're together, and I feel like with that happiness, we can conquer anything. We focus on us and the relationship, and not on how other med school couples are doing. I also keep a journal which has helped me channel my thoughts and feelings without just dumping it on my fiance. It sounds like you're doing great and you have a very good relationship. You're going to be fine!

[houseelf]

Bienvenido, Wilkommen, Welcome!

Don't be shy---Just jump right in, we are always glad to bring new comers into the mix.

Kelly

Hi Monique,

I am also in a long distance relationship with my partner, who is in her fourth year of medical school. It is difficult and a lot of sacrifice, but as long as you both reach an understanding and middle ground, that you do not feel that you have sacrificed "too much" for his career, then I think things will be okay. Otherwise there can be built-up resentment.

For example, for the past four years, I have been doing the vast majority of the flying to see each other, as it has happened to be that my schedule in academia was more flexible than hers in medical school. We've had quite a few fights about this, but when she profusely and consistently expressed how appreciative she is of the travel that I go through for us, and how she is willing to fly but our time together will be shorter just because the time available she has to travel and see me is shorter, then I felt better. I wanted to know that she was willing to travel to see me (we did have her do that a few times so that I knew she was putting into the relationship as much as I was) and that she appreciated and made up in other ways for the sacrifices I made for her in flying to see her all of the time. We discussed it and reached some kind of resolution.

I think it's important to make the road ahead a joint endeavor. Neither of us inherently believe her career is more important than mine. It's just that it comes with certain time constraints, and we weigh everything. I know she needs me as much as I need her. We feel extremely stable in our relationship.

You're in the beginning of his third year in medical school. That was when I started to realize firsthand how being on call feels like for the medical spouse. I did not like it, and it too was the beginning of the realization of the sacrifices ahead. It really helps to read advice and strategies from the forums on this website, as others have gone through it before for the men and women they love. With a lot of commitment and dedication on both partners' part, it is definitely possible and worthwhile.