Dating year 1 resident - Long distance

Hello everyone! I am new to this board and I'm super glad to find it.

Most of you may cringe at the subject title. Yes, I have dated for a few months with a first year resident -- in a long distance relationship (Dang, have to catch my breath while typing this). I myself is working and happy with starting my career.

Like everyone, I am just starting to understand what we are getting ourselves into. Both he and I did not expect residency to be so hard and of course, after weeks of sleep deprivation, we are noticing the pains of the situation.

We met through mutual friends a year ago and have kept in touched and got closer this year and started dating. Frankly, I really like this guy and he's the first man whom I felt has future potential. I know he cares alot for me too. But, I'm also freaked out b/c I look at my other friends and its so simple for them to call/see their husbands/boyfriend if long distance. However, for me, I have to keep count of his on call days so I know which days are 'off limits'. Yadda yadda, you know what I mean

People say find someone in the area and in another profession. Maybe the one right for me means facing lonely days and being supportive. I am independent, that's no problem, but it sure is nice to be WITH someone I'm actually dating ... I guess I am seeking advice on our situation, your similar experiences;etc. It is so nice just to be able to write this and share with other women (men) who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Thanks so much!

[DCJenn]

Welcome!

I too dated long distance albeit with a med student. We have lots of people here with a ton of experience about every aspect of this journey. Some have dated so long distance that they were in different countries!

anyway, yes, it's survivable. I actually liked the long distance thing because I saw him exactly once a month for nine months. It was great because when we were together, we were together, and when we weren't- I had a great life back home (job, family, own house, own car, no debt that wasn't my own!)

When we got married (the day after graduation) the problem was that we hadn't spent any time together so internship for us actually helped because we knew we'd by default have time apart. (Not that it doesn't totally suck for every other reason...)

So, welcome aboard, post often and rest assured, we ALL tell our spouses/sigothers about things we read here. Some of us (mostly the spouses of people thinking about surgery) make the medical people READ our posts so that they have a teeny, tiny inkling of what a nightmare it can be being hitched to the medical lifestyle.

We are a resource for all!!!

Jenn

Thanks

Thanks Jenn.

I was just thinking. There are folks in my company who travel every week (sometimes, that is me) and are away from family too! The hardest part about medical field are lost weekends and on call I guess.

So, I am starting to shed some light. The hardest part is we started dating with only minimal 'face to face' time since we live in different states (same time zone at least!) so I'm just worried we won't ever have the time to know/be with each other enough to contemplate marriage (which is something we both are interested in). I have visited a few times and we will hopefully avg visit once/month. If only he's at home all weekend! :>

Anyways, having this site is just so nice b/c with a place to vent and get support, it just makes is that much easier. Doesn't have to be so hard right?

[DCJenn]

Just to let you know that it can and does all work out for the most part- literally this is how ir went for the 14 months we dated:

3 weeks together
He went to San Antonio for two months
Home for a month
Hawaii (2 months)
San Antonio
Seattle (2 months)
San Diego
Home for a month
San Antonio for 2 months
He came for April and May but I left in April to move to San Antonio to start my new job.

He graduated, we got married the next day, the following day the packers came, the next day we left. We figured in August we'd look at each other and go, "huh, married? and you are...?"

It's not been trauma or drama-free but I really think that being apart and being forced to communicate via phone, email and snail mail helped us get to know each other without the hoopla of being around each other.

Worked for us!

Jenn

[Meenah]

Welcome, glad you found us. Go for it!!!!! It can work if you really want it to. Read all of the archives and stick with us!!!
Luanne

[SuzySunshine]

Welcome, my DH and I did the long distance things as well although we had been dating for 16 months before I had to leave because of a job. We moved 8 hours apart and then he moved to the west side of the country for medical school. All in all we were apart for 14 months, it actually helped us. He was able to spend the first 6 months of medical school learning as much as he could so that when I did show up later we did have some time together. We were together for another 2+ years before we got married.

When I first moved to CA to be with him most of my friends and family thought I was nuts, there was no ring, and I was moving to a state I'd never even visited. But I knew what I was doing, like you said he was the first guy I had dated in a long time that I saw a future with.

With all this said intern year is HARD. I'm not going to say the rest of them are a lot easier, but in most programs they are a little easier. How long is his program? If its short maybe you stay long distance until he's done...if its long maybe you wait a little bit and see if a move is in your future. With that said, do it for YOU, not just him. Make sure you can find a job you're going to be happy with. If you drop everything and move for him and regret it, you'll be mad at him.

Its hard but it can be done and a lot of us have been there, good luck!