Time to jump in

[planet]

Hi everyone,

I feel like I have been lurking about this website for too long now. I have never joined online communities before or even posted on a blog site so chalk it up to intimidation? But since I responded to another post I have finally broken the ice and am officially "here."

"Hi."

Thanks to all who have discussed so many of the issues that come up in relationships and particularily in the medical relationship. Many of the posts have been insightful or comforting to me during those tough times. It sure is nice to feel a bit less alone.

My husband is an intern in surgery. We have two toddlers. Go ahead, laugh. I previously did research. Now I am with the kids ft. Oh, more later...one just woke up.

to be cont....

[DCJenn]

Hey,

Welcome!

We love it when the lurkers come out of the shadows. Except you'll find that once you start....

Seriously, the surgical spouses and the rest of us welcome your contributions. Post away, whenever you feel like it.

Jenn

[Flynn]

Welcome fellow surgery spouse! It's nice to have another one of us in the ranks here.

This site has been amazing for me! The people here are smart, funny, and boy have they "been there, done THAT!" I had no idea how much that would help me on a weekly basis.

Also, you will most definitely help others which is also extremely beneficial to our lifestyle.

Welcome and post often. I look forward to hearing more about you!

[houseelf]

Welcome fellow kindred surgery spouse.

Intern year was the worst year of my life. This is hard for me to say because it also encompassed most of my son's babyhood....and bar none he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can honestly say that it HAS gotten somewhat better although there are still huge gaping areas of our marriage and life that are ...um...less than satisfactory. (How's that for hedging?)

You are in a rough place. I couldn't go back there again. Best of luck and welcome to our funny, wise-crackin', sage, slightly embittered, motley little crew.

Kelly

[Meenah]

Welcome to the medical world of survival. This site is truly a blessing in my life.
Luanne

[Sheherezade]

Welcome! I love it when lurkers come out with an opinion straight away! My DH is 1.5 years OUT in gynecologic oncology. It's a surgical subspecialty of OB/GYN so I guess I am half surgical wife. For us the suck-fest was the three years of fellowship after the four years of OB. Here's wishing you the best of luck with your intern year. :~

[planet]

To finish

...So...I can confirm that internship year is so far the hardest.

-New city, LOTS of alone time, no money (which means never having help with the kids among other things), many years of residency still ahead....

But- I have been very assertive this time around knowing that survival demands it. I have never been a "joiner." Even my sports were solo. I joined our local MOMs club, the area outdoors club, a gym, children's museum, botanical gardens. In addition I am a regular at our local bookstore and a coffee house. Everywhere I go people think I am always there. Now, only six months at our new place, I already know more people around town than where we lived during the entire med school years.

It seems that this process changed my husband and also me. The first two months of internship were quite painful. Actually, finding this website helped so much! When things seemed grim sneaking out while everyone was asleep to read other horror stories or emails of encouragement and humor were like having chocolate in the dark.

My husband and I lived together and were engaged before he started med school. I think that helped establish a foundation that has carried us through some of the tougher times. We have a stockpile of great memories and experiences together predocyears. I am in awe of those who got married, moved, started the process all at the same time. Whew. I don't know that my relationship would have survived. On the survival note - anyone else ever have a concern that going through so many difficulties together might make it hard to thrive in easier times? I guess it is still way to early for me to think of easier times, right?

Okay, thanks again to the geniuses who thought up this website. I will continue to lurk, maybe post more, and generally feel a little less isolated.
Janet

[Meenah]

Janet,
It sounds like you have a wonderful attitude, you will be fine. Hang out here, someone has alway been where you are or they are there with you. Misery loves company!!! Thanks Kris for the site.
Luanne

[Flynn]

On the survival note - anyone else ever have a concern that going through so many difficulties together might make it hard to thrive in easier times? I guess it is still way to early for me to think of easier times, right?

You are wise beyond your years! I cannot speak from experience yet but I think it is going to be very important post -training to build a relationship that is based in predictibility and reasonable hours, rather than chaos and frustration.

As soon as we get our feet under us and are settled post training we are going to implement "date night" twice a month and start building a foundation that comes from strength rather than survival. We have had some tough times, hit the skids, rebounded and are in a good place now BUT it can always get better and we owe it to ourselves and our kids right?

You sound like you do have a great attitude. Try and keep it as long as you can but when you need to, vent and then get back to work holding down the fort. One of my biggest issues was "not letting myself vent' for ten minutes and it would build up. Venting can be healthy and it's not necessarily the road to "permanent negetivity." It's a slippery slope though!

Welcome!!!

Re: To finish

Welcome, Janet! I'm glad you introduced yourself. The good news is that you are almost halfway through intern year!

On the survival note - anyone else ever have a concern that going through so many difficulties together might make it hard to thrive in easier times?

It's good that you are thinking about this now. My husband is in his 2nd year post training and this was also a big concern of mine towards the end of his residency. I had become very independent during college, med school, and residency and I wasn't exactly sure how I would reconnect with my husband. We ended up taking several long road trips during DH's first year out and those hours alone together in the car were instrumental in helping us to get to know each other again.

It's good to have you here...post often!

[Vanquisher]

Welcome. I am glad you are here! Misery loves company you know.

Residency sucks! Post often, and try not to be brought down by my jaded and bitter views about being the spouse of a surgery resident.

On the survival note - anyone else ever have a concern that going through so many difficulties together might make it hard to thrive in easier times?

Yes, I think it does, but I am hopeful anyway. Hijack warning. Dh had the day off on Saturday. We ended up spending the day at home relaxing. Nothing got done. That night we had a huge blow-up fight because he had a bad day. I took it as a personal attack because every day that he is not here is a wrose day than when he is, and it pissed me off that he was having a bad day when he was off. It was my feeling, honestly, that he wasn't allowed to have a bad day when he is off of work. I know, that's a pretty selfish attitude. Anyway, I won't split hairs with you and give you all of the blow-by-blow bits that went along with it, but yes, I think it will be hard on the other side, but I am looking forward to it anyway.[/quote]