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My name is Heidi. I am married to a great guy, Chad, who chose his job over his family. Neither of us realized the extent of this until internship year. Together we have two great kids, great, great kids. Ryan is 7 and Alexia is 20 months.
Chad and I have been married for 9 years. We met in high school and were friends throughout. We started dating right after graduation and were married a little over a year later. We both wanted to go to medical school, but little did I know life would get in the way of my plans.
We decided to have at least one child right away as I had severe endometriosis and scarring. I took Clomid and 8 months later, we were expecting our first child. I still planned to continue with college and my dreams. On my first day of summer semester, I had a hemorrhage, and nearly lost my baby. I lost my scholarship (I had full-tuition). I was on total bed rest for 3 months. Summer semester was lost. I was very, very ill during my pregnancy. I had hyperemesis gravidarum. If you don't know what it is, you can look it up, or just trust me that it is awful. I had that the whole nine months. I also had preeclampsia at the end. I still managed to attend classes in the fall, but not in the spring because of having a newborn.
Chad and I passed the baby to eachother in between classes. We lived on-campus. I worked doing medical transciption and web design from home. Chad worked full time nights and weekends as a Health Unit Coordinator for the University Hospital. It gave us both half-tuition reduction. It was a hard time. Chad still managed to graduate in 4.5 years will all his pre-med stuff. I had to give up on getting all my pre-med stuff, and I had to give up my dream so that we could pursue his. His GPA was not very good, and our state medical school had some very high standards. It was the only state school. He did have a good MCAT score though. He was accepted at the last minute to medical school in Albany, NY. He had already started a graduate program in Philadelphia in case med school didn't work out. He was going to reapply. We squeaked in though. Still back in Utah, I packed all of our belongings in a U-Haul, and Chad flew back. We drove the U-haul to New York the next day.
I saw my husband a lot during medical school. He didn't have an extra job, and we lived on loans. He decided he wanted to do orthopaedic surgery, and I (foolishly?) supported him.
During 4th year of medical school I got pregnant with our second (and last) child. I was very sick with her as well, and I had to count on the support of some very great friends to help me. I ended up moving in with one of my friends for nearly a month when dh was doing an away rotation so she could take care of me and my son. I miss my friends there so much. Two of the three have moved since, though.
He matched here in the South, and we moved in June of last year. We are in debt up to our eyeballs, and things have gotten worse, and not better since acquiring the resident paycheck. I am back to doing medical transcription again. I am hopeful that our credit scores aren't too horrible, and we might be able to qualify for a home equity loan.
Intern year was hard. This year is hard too. I miss my husband, and I year for a normal life. Weekends, dinner...time.
I am last on everyone's priority list, including my own. Over the years I have gone from a thin and svelte 5'9" and 130 lbs. to much more than that. I have eaten to combat the loneliness I have felt over the years, among other things. I am definitely an emotional eater. I also gained quite a bit of weight while on Lupron for fertility reasons (50 lbs. in 3 months). I have made a down payment (and I cannot afford the rest) to be in a weight-loss surgery program. I am hoping to have the lap band put on soon. I am hopeful my insurance will conver it, because if they don't I cannot afford to have it done. I also have to pay for the rest of my enrollment fee which is not covered by insurance for nutritional supplements and drinks, psychological analysis and counseling, and the nutritionist. This is something I need to do for me, and I have tried the other ways, so please don't bash me for this. It is a very hard and personal decision, and you are my only friends. It was hard enough just to come clean with this. I am afraid of the judgment.
I am liberal. I am pro-choice and anti-gun. I am atheist. I like to cook. I abhor cleaning. My house can often be found in a state of utter embarrassment for me. I clean when I know someone is coming over, or when I feel I have to. I hate laundry more than anything.
I hate surgery. I hate residency. I am a bitter shrew, and I am okay with that (sometimes). I do not beleive in my husband's right to happiness in his job over the family's right to be happy. I am allowing it to continue. Chad tries really hard to be the best husband/father when he is here. If we can make it through the next 3.5 years, I think we have a great marriage, and I would like to discover our family again.
Chad and I have been married for 9 years. We met in high school and were friends throughout. We started dating right after graduation and were married a little over a year later. We both wanted to go to medical school, but little did I know life would get in the way of my plans.
We decided to have at least one child right away as I had severe endometriosis and scarring. I took Clomid and 8 months later, we were expecting our first child. I still planned to continue with college and my dreams. On my first day of summer semester, I had a hemorrhage, and nearly lost my baby. I lost my scholarship (I had full-tuition). I was on total bed rest for 3 months. Summer semester was lost. I was very, very ill during my pregnancy. I had hyperemesis gravidarum. If you don't know what it is, you can look it up, or just trust me that it is awful. I had that the whole nine months. I also had preeclampsia at the end. I still managed to attend classes in the fall, but not in the spring because of having a newborn.
Chad and I passed the baby to eachother in between classes. We lived on-campus. I worked doing medical transciption and web design from home. Chad worked full time nights and weekends as a Health Unit Coordinator for the University Hospital. It gave us both half-tuition reduction. It was a hard time. Chad still managed to graduate in 4.5 years will all his pre-med stuff. I had to give up on getting all my pre-med stuff, and I had to give up my dream so that we could pursue his. His GPA was not very good, and our state medical school had some very high standards. It was the only state school. He did have a good MCAT score though. He was accepted at the last minute to medical school in Albany, NY. He had already started a graduate program in Philadelphia in case med school didn't work out. He was going to reapply. We squeaked in though. Still back in Utah, I packed all of our belongings in a U-Haul, and Chad flew back. We drove the U-haul to New York the next day.
I saw my husband a lot during medical school. He didn't have an extra job, and we lived on loans. He decided he wanted to do orthopaedic surgery, and I (foolishly?) supported him.
During 4th year of medical school I got pregnant with our second (and last) child. I was very sick with her as well, and I had to count on the support of some very great friends to help me. I ended up moving in with one of my friends for nearly a month when dh was doing an away rotation so she could take care of me and my son. I miss my friends there so much. Two of the three have moved since, though.
He matched here in the South, and we moved in June of last year. We are in debt up to our eyeballs, and things have gotten worse, and not better since acquiring the resident paycheck. I am back to doing medical transcription again. I am hopeful that our credit scores aren't too horrible, and we might be able to qualify for a home equity loan.
Intern year was hard. This year is hard too. I miss my husband, and I year for a normal life. Weekends, dinner...time.
I am last on everyone's priority list, including my own. Over the years I have gone from a thin and svelte 5'9" and 130 lbs. to much more than that. I have eaten to combat the loneliness I have felt over the years, among other things. I am definitely an emotional eater. I also gained quite a bit of weight while on Lupron for fertility reasons (50 lbs. in 3 months). I have made a down payment (and I cannot afford the rest) to be in a weight-loss surgery program. I am hoping to have the lap band put on soon. I am hopeful my insurance will conver it, because if they don't I cannot afford to have it done. I also have to pay for the rest of my enrollment fee which is not covered by insurance for nutritional supplements and drinks, psychological analysis and counseling, and the nutritionist. This is something I need to do for me, and I have tried the other ways, so please don't bash me for this. It is a very hard and personal decision, and you are my only friends. It was hard enough just to come clean with this. I am afraid of the judgment.
I am liberal. I am pro-choice and anti-gun. I am atheist. I like to cook. I abhor cleaning. My house can often be found in a state of utter embarrassment for me. I clean when I know someone is coming over, or when I feel I have to. I hate laundry more than anything.
I hate surgery. I hate residency. I am a bitter shrew, and I am okay with that (sometimes). I do not beleive in my husband's right to happiness in his job over the family's right to be happy. I am allowing it to continue. Chad tries really hard to be the best husband/father when he is here. If we can make it through the next 3.5 years, I think we have a great marriage, and I would like to discover our family again.
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I think the first few years that you realize the horror of the lifestyle are the worst. Eventually, it sinks in that this is an ongoing thing. I hope you two find a way through. You are not a bitter shrew, though. Don't go there. You are a strong, intelligent woman with a lot to offer that feels (and is) trapped by her husband's devotion to this inflexible profession. That's wise an insightful. It takes some of us years to catch on ... always looking at the bright side. Don't sell yourself short. 
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