Dating a physician - we are both older - 34 and 42

Hi all,
I am a technical professional and I am dating a physician (out of school and fellowship). He works at a hospital and as a hospitalist 2 weeks a month and works one weekend a month. The good news is he is caring, attentive and has 3 weekends a month free. The bad news is I wish I could talk to him and see him more. I have never been with a physician before. My troubles seem small compared to others' on this site. I guess I am just trying to understand whether or not I can deal with being alone so much. I think he will always be busy but I think there is a chance he could not work as a hospitalist 2 weeks a month.

Advice: how do you all deal with being lonely and being insecure everything is ok when you haven't heard from him for a few days? How do you look at all the positives and accept lack of time together? He is a good man but I wonder sometimes....

Any success stories? I would rather not too much negativity.
Thanks!
Amy

Thank you Annie!

[DCJenn]

Welcome Philly~!

We're all over the place in terms of where the physician in question is in the journey. On the upside, your is pretty much done with the super-crappy educational side. On the downside, now he deals with the super-crappy staff side.

So, since you're looking for advice, let me suggest, strongly that if you want to date a physician who you haven't been able to mold through the process (some of them have been through the if you want to live, you will call home thing at the medical school stage), you're going to have to set your limits. Much like small pets and small people, we at iMSN have learned over the years that without limits, the physician companions often develop a faulty sense that they are in fact, more important, with more important problems, than the rest of the universe.

When you're married to them, you have a little more leverage, in terms of being able to say, "oh, who died and made you God." (a favorite in my household). I would, over a lovely and romantic meal, look deeply into your beloved's eyes and say, "not calling is unacceptable. I'm not looking for an in-depth conversation, just an acknowlegement that you're alive." It may take some practice. and perhaps a reward system (they really are like children and pets)

Good luck and post often!

Jenn

Thank you Jenn! That is very helpful advice. Hmm...I have to find teh right moment. Yes, men are like kids and pets.

It all is in the planning and patience I guess.

I will definitely post often.
Amy

[Vishenka69]

Much like small pets and small people, we at iMSN have learned over the years that without limits, the physician companions often develop a faulty sense that they are in fact, more important, with more important problems, than the rest of the universe.

I totally agree. Don't let yourself be buldozed. It's also important to do something for yourself and not feel like you're just waiting for him to call or have a free moment. Make him realize that you have a life too and he needs to fit into your schedule as much as you into his.

Another important thing to remember is that many doctors have simply never experienced the real world outside the hospital doors (those who have had other jobs before med school have prompty forgot), so sometimes things that seem completely normal to others will be totally uncomrehanceble to them.

Good points!

Thanks so much!

[planet]

Much like small pets and small people, we at iMSN have learned over the years that without limits, the physician companions often develop a faulty sense that they are in fact, more important, with more important problems, than the rest of the universe.


Jenn! You made my day. Oh, so good to hear the truth, the whole truth and then some.
:santa: [/quote]

[Flynn]

Quote:
Much like small pets and small people, we at iMSN have learned over the years that without limits, the physician companions often develop a faulty sense that they are in fact, more important, with more important problems, than the rest of the universe.


I totally agree. Don't let yourself be buldozed. It's also important to do something for yourself and not feel like you're just waiting for him to call or have a free moment. Make him realize that you have a life too and he needs to fit into your schedule as much as you into his.

Another important thing to remember is that many doctors have simply never experienced the real world outside the hospital doors (those who have had other jobs before med school have prompty forgot), so sometimes things that seem completely normal to others will be totally uncomrehanceble to them.

YOU GUYS ARE SO RIGHT!!!!!! I am laughing outloud!!! The "pets and kids" analogy is PERFECT!!!

I also think that many docs aren't TRYING to be selfish --- like previous points made, I think they don't get "the real world" because they are so sheltered from it.

Not calling to check in for a couple of minutes once a day --- even when REALLY busy is just careless. He either doesn't care to do it OR he doesn't know how much you would value that small effort.

Hashing out your expectations with his schedule in mind is a great way to get what you want and not brow beat him. He probably doesn't know the benefits he would reap if he just dialed your number and left a voicemail to say hi more often than he does now.

Thank you! I have to keep all your words in my head when I talk to him. I have found comfort and strength in all your tips.
Amy