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Hello everyone,
I'm a resident's wife who has a major case of the quarter-life crisis. I am 29 years old and still feel as confused as I did as a college senior over what to do with my life (maybe even more confused). My current job sucks, I have a graduate degree which has made it incredibly hard for me to find a job, I have applied to med school (and didn't get any interviews) and now really feel lost and don't know how to proceed. Add to that living in a city where I have no friends, having my resident hubby be super busy, feeling generally alone and lonely, and hating my job--well, you can see why I titled my post the way I did.
This past year has been really hard for me. It's been a year of unemployment, underemployment, no friends, my husband being busy, and lots of crying and sadness. My husband is wonderful, but as a busy resident, he doesn't have much time to help. He comes home from his 80-hour weeks exhausted, then has to study. And I don't have any friends I can talk to, sadly. So I thought I'd post here to vent a bit.
Here's my story. I am currently working as a legal secretary, a job that bores me completely and I dread every day. My job drains me to the point that when I come home from work, I am so drained that all I can do is watch a movie or read before falling asleep on the couch. Or, I take a two-hour nap when I come home from work just to be able to function that night. I've read every career book I can get my hands on, done all the self-exploration exercises, and have met with several career counselors (none of which were able to help me), and still I can't seem to decide on a path to move forward. Some of the careers I'm considering are:
1. medicine
2. dentistry
3. clinical psychology
4. law
5. entrepreneurship
I have a law degree (J.D.), but I didn't like law school and never found an area of the law that I enjoyed. I was a political science major in college, was good at research and writing, etc. and was pushed into law school by my well-meaning parents, who insisted that I would love being a lawyer. Well, they were wrong. From the beginning, I didn't like law school, didn't like any of my classes or my summer jobs, and decided early on that the law was not for me. However, in law school I decided that I wanted to be a doctor. So I stuck it out and graduated, and then immediately (2 weeks after law school graduation) started a pre-med post-bacc program (for non-traditional students who didn't take any or enough of the pre-med requirements in college). I did really well in the post-bacc, took the MCAT and applied to med schools. Sadly, after all that work, I didn't get any interviews (probably because of my 25 MCAT score). I picked myself back up, got a job in a hosptial's operating room for a year, and studied for the MCAT a second time while taking some more upper level biology. Sadly, I only scored one point higher--a 26. Realizing that this would yield the same results as before (no interviews), I decided to put my dream of becoming a doctor on hold for awhile.
So that was exactly a year ago. This past year has been depressing, lonely, sad and unproductive. The sad thing is that I haven't accomplished much of anything this year, nor have I had much fun, either.
I tried to find a non-legal job, but no one would hire me because of my law degree. I kept being told that I was overqualified for every single job I applied for, or that I'd get bored and leave after a few weeks. So, after 4 months of unemployment, I got a job at the mall (in retail). I worked for $9 an hour for several months, and it was a very depressing time. I was taking orders from 18 year olds, and while I continued to look for jobs at the same time, nothing was coming through. Finally, I got offered a job in the journalism field. It was very entry-level, but I accepted. I didn't like the job, but felt like it would be okay for the time being--at least it was a professional position. Well, I got fired a few months ago in what appeared to be a company restructuring.
Then I was unemployed for a month and then got my current position, as a legal secretary, which I can't stand. I'm just not a desk job person, and most of the jobs I've held are desk jobs. At this point I really don't know what to do. I've been unable to commit to a career path, and as a result I'm here--stagnating or "treading water" as my father likes to call it.
I feel bad about myself nearly all the time, and my self-esteem has really crumbeled. Last year was my 10-year high school reunion and I didn't go, because I didn't want to tell people that I had absolutely no career (at the time I was working at the mall). I feel like I have so much potential, but haven't been able to use it. I so badly wanted to be a doctor, and put in so much effort (the post-bacc, the 2 MCATs) but didn't get a single interview. Medicine is the only career that really excites me, but at the same time, if I was handed an admissions letter today I'm not sure if I could go, due to all the sacrifies involved. I've seen how hard my husband works, with 80 hour weeks and so much studying on top of that in residency, and it scares me.
So I'm in a really rough place. I envy my husband's career, and feel envious of his exciting and fulfilling days while I sit behind a desk and type documents and answer phones. I feel very inferior to him on a daily basis, and it's not a good feeling. I feel like the invisible spouse, whereas he is the big, fancy doctor. I, too want to have a successful career and make something of myself, but I'm really not interested in law, and medicine doesn't seem like it's going to work out unless I take the MCAT a third time, which I really don't feel ready to do yet. I have worked in other jobs (journalism, medical research), but have realized that I am not a desk job person. I just don't know which direction to go in, and my lack of a career is making me miserable.
On top of all this career angst, I have no friends at all. I tried to keep in touch with people from college and law school, but it didn't work out. I moved to this new city for my husband's residency, knowing no one, and as hard as I've tried I haven't made a single friend in 3 years. I even tried meeting people on Craig's List, which didn't work out either.
I feel so old (approaching 30), alone, like I have very little in terms of a support system (just my husband) and I dread my husband's call nights because I'm all alone. My husband will be done with residency soon, and we're going to move again, to yet another city where I know no one. I'm excited about the move, but at the same time, it's been very, very hard to be alone all the time. We also have no family in the city we're moving to (or here). My husband's residency did not have any sort of spouse support group, either.
Every woman I've met here around my age seems to already have her group of friends and isn't looking for one more. No one at any of the workplaces I've been in has become a friend. I take an art class once a week at night and am friendly with the people in the class, though they're all older (50's and older).
If anyone has any advice for me I'd love to hear. I am feeling very much in the quarter-life crisis but don't know how to get out of it.
I'm a resident's wife who has a major case of the quarter-life crisis. I am 29 years old and still feel as confused as I did as a college senior over what to do with my life (maybe even more confused). My current job sucks, I have a graduate degree which has made it incredibly hard for me to find a job, I have applied to med school (and didn't get any interviews) and now really feel lost and don't know how to proceed. Add to that living in a city where I have no friends, having my resident hubby be super busy, feeling generally alone and lonely, and hating my job--well, you can see why I titled my post the way I did.
This past year has been really hard for me. It's been a year of unemployment, underemployment, no friends, my husband being busy, and lots of crying and sadness. My husband is wonderful, but as a busy resident, he doesn't have much time to help. He comes home from his 80-hour weeks exhausted, then has to study. And I don't have any friends I can talk to, sadly. So I thought I'd post here to vent a bit.
Here's my story. I am currently working as a legal secretary, a job that bores me completely and I dread every day. My job drains me to the point that when I come home from work, I am so drained that all I can do is watch a movie or read before falling asleep on the couch. Or, I take a two-hour nap when I come home from work just to be able to function that night. I've read every career book I can get my hands on, done all the self-exploration exercises, and have met with several career counselors (none of which were able to help me), and still I can't seem to decide on a path to move forward. Some of the careers I'm considering are:
1. medicine
2. dentistry
3. clinical psychology
4. law
5. entrepreneurship
I have a law degree (J.D.), but I didn't like law school and never found an area of the law that I enjoyed. I was a political science major in college, was good at research and writing, etc. and was pushed into law school by my well-meaning parents, who insisted that I would love being a lawyer. Well, they were wrong. From the beginning, I didn't like law school, didn't like any of my classes or my summer jobs, and decided early on that the law was not for me. However, in law school I decided that I wanted to be a doctor. So I stuck it out and graduated, and then immediately (2 weeks after law school graduation) started a pre-med post-bacc program (for non-traditional students who didn't take any or enough of the pre-med requirements in college). I did really well in the post-bacc, took the MCAT and applied to med schools. Sadly, after all that work, I didn't get any interviews (probably because of my 25 MCAT score). I picked myself back up, got a job in a hosptial's operating room for a year, and studied for the MCAT a second time while taking some more upper level biology. Sadly, I only scored one point higher--a 26. Realizing that this would yield the same results as before (no interviews), I decided to put my dream of becoming a doctor on hold for awhile.
So that was exactly a year ago. This past year has been depressing, lonely, sad and unproductive. The sad thing is that I haven't accomplished much of anything this year, nor have I had much fun, either.
I tried to find a non-legal job, but no one would hire me because of my law degree. I kept being told that I was overqualified for every single job I applied for, or that I'd get bored and leave after a few weeks. So, after 4 months of unemployment, I got a job at the mall (in retail). I worked for $9 an hour for several months, and it was a very depressing time. I was taking orders from 18 year olds, and while I continued to look for jobs at the same time, nothing was coming through. Finally, I got offered a job in the journalism field. It was very entry-level, but I accepted. I didn't like the job, but felt like it would be okay for the time being--at least it was a professional position. Well, I got fired a few months ago in what appeared to be a company restructuring.
Then I was unemployed for a month and then got my current position, as a legal secretary, which I can't stand. I'm just not a desk job person, and most of the jobs I've held are desk jobs. At this point I really don't know what to do. I've been unable to commit to a career path, and as a result I'm here--stagnating or "treading water" as my father likes to call it.
I feel bad about myself nearly all the time, and my self-esteem has really crumbeled. Last year was my 10-year high school reunion and I didn't go, because I didn't want to tell people that I had absolutely no career (at the time I was working at the mall). I feel like I have so much potential, but haven't been able to use it. I so badly wanted to be a doctor, and put in so much effort (the post-bacc, the 2 MCATs) but didn't get a single interview. Medicine is the only career that really excites me, but at the same time, if I was handed an admissions letter today I'm not sure if I could go, due to all the sacrifies involved. I've seen how hard my husband works, with 80 hour weeks and so much studying on top of that in residency, and it scares me.
So I'm in a really rough place. I envy my husband's career, and feel envious of his exciting and fulfilling days while I sit behind a desk and type documents and answer phones. I feel very inferior to him on a daily basis, and it's not a good feeling. I feel like the invisible spouse, whereas he is the big, fancy doctor. I, too want to have a successful career and make something of myself, but I'm really not interested in law, and medicine doesn't seem like it's going to work out unless I take the MCAT a third time, which I really don't feel ready to do yet. I have worked in other jobs (journalism, medical research), but have realized that I am not a desk job person. I just don't know which direction to go in, and my lack of a career is making me miserable.
On top of all this career angst, I have no friends at all. I tried to keep in touch with people from college and law school, but it didn't work out. I moved to this new city for my husband's residency, knowing no one, and as hard as I've tried I haven't made a single friend in 3 years. I even tried meeting people on Craig's List, which didn't work out either.
I feel so old (approaching 30), alone, like I have very little in terms of a support system (just my husband) and I dread my husband's call nights because I'm all alone. My husband will be done with residency soon, and we're going to move again, to yet another city where I know no one. I'm excited about the move, but at the same time, it's been very, very hard to be alone all the time. We also have no family in the city we're moving to (or here). My husband's residency did not have any sort of spouse support group, either.
Every woman I've met here around my age seems to already have her group of friends and isn't looking for one more. No one at any of the workplaces I've been in has become a friend. I take an art class once a week at night and am friendly with the people in the class, though they're all older (50's and older).
If anyone has any advice for me I'd love to hear. I am feeling very much in the quarter-life crisis but don't know how to get out of it.
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