Girlfriend of MS1 (the adventure begins this August!)

[Stella]

Well, well, well... I'm not alone in the world!
I must say, first and foremost, that I can already tell this message board will pretty much save my life over the next thousand billion years that my SO will be in med school, etc. So thanks, guys, in advance.

That said, Hello! My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half and were acquaintances/friends for a couple of years prior to that. We went to UVA (wahoowa!) together and he didn't get in to med school on try #1 so he did a post-bach program and he got in on try #2 to MCV in Richmond, VA. (If anyone wants some info on the area, I can offer what I know!) He starts this August and I'm pretty much gripping the edge of my seat because I'm slightly neurotic, I think, and am freaking out now that the date is actually coming up so soon. My SO actually sent me the link to this site, so I don't know if that's a hint or what! haha. But I'll take it!!

My SO comes from a long lineage of doctors and my family surely does not, so I'm learning as I go. I asked his mom for advice as to how she got through med school with his Dr. Dad and her reply was a short and simple (but not so sweet), "I cried a lot." I guess I could use a little more encouragement than that. The post-bach year was pretty time consuming as well, so I think that will be good preparation, but I am still just scared of the unknown that is to come. Plus, I think it's a little more difficult to give up so much for someone when, unlike most of you guys, we're not engaged or married.

I guess my other thing is this: How do I get my SO to understand that I'm sacrificing a lot as well and that it will be just as hard for me???

Help me! Be my e-friend! I will need it!

Stella

PS - Anyone actually live in VA????

[rainbabies]

Not sure about Virginia...but there is a DC person, a Baltimore person, and me, a WVa person. Sorry not much help there .

You have come to the best spot. See ya around.

steeelllaaaaa! (sorry, i just couldn't resist - will never happen again)

welcome, welcome, welcome comrade.

med school is WONDERFUL. the coursework and rotations are tough, but it's great preparation for BOTH of you. from post-bach, you've had a taste of what the course work will be like. you'll get a taste of what residency will be like in MS-3 & 4, but your weekends will still be your own. my advice to you right now... enjoy the next 4 years, in retrospect, they will be your favorites (2nd only to undergrad).

My SO actually sent me the link to this site

... that may just be the most romantic thing I've ever heard :---. it's really sweet and intuitive of him to be looking out for you like that. it sounds like he already recognizes your future sacrifices. you both seem to be approaching this with level heads and each other in mind. great start!

i'm also not married, and my relationship sounds a bit like yours... we met during his 2nd year of med school and were friends and housemates for just over a year before dating. we've been together for over 3 years now (and if he gets his sh*t together, we'll be together for many more )

the level of sacrifice is hard and more frustrating because we're not married. BUT, we also don't have kids, which makes things easier - there are a number of factors that come into play. you will have to gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) remind him of your sacrifices and compromises. he sounds like the kind of guy who will "get it".

let me end this rant, lest i scare you away. welcome, it's nice to e-meet you.

[DCJenn]

Welcome. I'm sure Kevin aka uvagradk will be pleased to have another compatriot on the Boards.

I am a Marylander by birth and a DC resident by choice, although we're heading back to TX with the Army in about a week. Amy Denise is here and her fiance is in medical school (M3 this year I think).

This is the best place to get the support you need for this nutty lifestyle.

Jenn

[houseelf]

Welcome!

Kelly

Welcome! Wahoowa. Don't live in Virginia now, but wife and I are hoos. I'm a native Virginian but have never lived in Richmond.

Good luck!

[spotty_dog]

you'll get a taste of what residency will be like in MS-3 & 4, but your weekends will still be your own.

Not to get off topic, but...your med student had free weekends while on clinical rotations? Wow! I mean, DH generally did or at least worked only Saturday morning, but on the heavy-hitters (Med, OBGYN, Surg, even Peds) a Golden Weekend was something to celebrate.

Stella, we're here for you. Try not to get too worked up about the long haul, just take things one step at a time. First year is a big transition, but before you know it you'll have a routine and you'll wonder what the fuss was about. Encourage your boyfriend to make time for couple-time, to study at home if he can stand it, and to get his socializing in by inviting fellow students to engage in group activities where you can participate, too. (Our weekly first-year barbeques were great, med school chatter and all!) And above all, have your own life. Cultivate hobbies and keep yourself entertained, because you can't rely on your SO to interact with you most of the time!

Post often.

Not to get off topic, but...your med student had free weekends while on clinical rotations?

I should clarify... he didn't have a weekend call during Sub-I rotations in MS-4. There may have been a weekend day, but I don't recall it being a real hinderance. I do remember the first Sub-I call... I came home to find him flat out on his back, asleep in bed, fully dressed, feet (still in shoes) planted on the floor. It was as though he sat down at the foot of the bed, fell backwards and was instantly asleep

Oh, the things you have to look forward to, Stella. And we look forward to hearing all about it!

[Stella]

Thanks everyone for your quick replies. Feels good.

However, I just stumbled across Student Doctor Network and their "spouse forum" and what a joke! The people on there are horrible and completely disregard the fact that it is tough for us on the other side, saying "drop her" the minute a girlfriend of a med student feels lonely. Plus, there are so many mentions of cheating and "exploring the possibilities" out there. I get so upset and scared when I read these and I called my SO to try and talk about it but he just gets aggravated when I bring up "unfounded fears." He gets frustrated with my worries, which I understand because there are a lot of them, but I just can't seem to make myself feel better about them and I want his reassurance but he seems hesitant to offer it. I never thought of myself as "needy" but could I be?? Or is this normal?

[rainbabies]

UG! Stay away from SDN! They can be so annoying. Some of the other forums there are okay....but STAY AWAY from the spouse support forum!

[spotty_dog]

Unfortunately the Spouse forum has really become more of a place for unattached pre-meds to spout off, and as you've noticed, for uncommitted, shallow student doctors to get support for their decision to downgrade their relationship among their priorities. Oh, and for LADoc to tell everyone to play the field because all women are petty gold-diggers and not worth committing to.

Sometimes I hang out there and try to correct misperceptions. Mostly thought I just hang out here where everybody understands.

As for needing your boyfriend's reassurance that he's not going to drop you or cheat on you -- unfortunately that's the kind of thing you might want to work on. At times, the training process will rock your relationship to its core and if that core isn't rock-solid and built on unwavering trust in each other and in your love for one another, then things could get ugly.

[rainbabies]

[quote="alison_in_oh"] Oh, and for LADoc to tell everyone to play the field because all women are petty gold-diggers and not worth committing to. [quote]

He is a tool, isnt he?

[Stella]

He is a tool, isnt he?

YES!

Why did I let myself care so much about what a bunch of stupid idots think or do??? I don't even think my SO reads the spouse section (why would he, it's supposed to be for US) so I guess it's not a big deal. He posts on other sections of SDN but those seem pretty legit. I need someone to walk around with me constantly just in case I need a cup of cold water poured over my head to bring me back to reality. I hate hormones (and LADoc)!!!!!


Questions (first few of many to come!)

What is the typical demographic in med school?? Are they younger (mid-20s like my SO) or are they older and getting back to school for a new profession (i.e. married and most likely NOT tools)??

I hear so many horror stories (I need to stop reading/listening to them) so that means you all must too. How do you ignore them and stay so calm??? (You guys are like Ghandi compared to me! I have so much to learn! *sigh*)

I'd like to talk with anyone who has worked full time but taken some graduate classes in the evenings - I'm thinking I might stay busy by taking a class at a time and eventually work towards a masters - Anyone gone that route??

[SuzySunshine]

Hi - welcome to the boards.

I my DH's med school class most of the people were mid-20's, either directly out of college or 1-2 years out, there were a handful that were much older doing this as a 2nd career.

When the horror stories come from people who don't know what they're talking about they're easy to ignore. Like people that say, "my cousin's boyfriend's girlfriend when to medical school and it was awful" or people who are just angry and bitter on principle - you just have to let things roll off of your back and motor on.

I got my masters (MBA) while DH was in medical school. I worked full time the entire time, started classes his 2nd year and finished his 4th year. It was fine. We actually were able to spend more time together, granted it was study time but at least I wasn't bugging him about going out to do something.

Good luck!

Welcome! Hubby is just starting MS1 in Aug too. I gotta cold cuppa water for you if you have one for me!