need everyone's participation - medical marriages

hi everyone!

sorry i have been such a slacker on this board lately - it is now crunch time at school for the past two and next two weeks. . .and this is where you all come in! i am writing a seminar paper for my family communication class and have to write one subsection on marriage.



so, please describe each of the following to help with my research:

1. what have you/do you find to be most rewarding about your marriage to a physician?

2. what have you/do you find to be most challenging about your marriage to a physician?



and then anything else you might want to add, feel free! please formulate the responses in ways that would be easy for me to quote you on (if you don't mind!)



THANKS SOOO--OOOO MUCH and i promise to return to my normal posting self soon!

take care-

claudia



p.s. in natural school style, this isn't due tomorrow but it is due monday! ha!

1. what have you/do you find to be most rewarding about your marriage to a physician?

2. what have you/do you find to be most challenging about your marriage to a physician?







1. What do I find rewarding about being married to a physician? My husband is a fellow and has been in training for 7 years.....I feel proud of my husband and his abilities and accomplishments. He has worked hard to get where he is and I admire his intelligence.



2. What do I find to be the most challenging about my marriage to a physician? How much time do you have?



My life changed dramatically when Thomas began his residency..our lives together changed. I feel that my children and I are missing out on having a "normal" family life. My husband works 80+ hours a week. He comes home exhausted and in a bad mood. We don't have time for each other as a couple any more.



His personality has changed. The man that went into medicine to "heal the sick" has become cold and cynical. This attitude has leaked out into our relationship affecting how emotionally connected we are. I feel it has put a great deal of distance between us.





I Hope this helped? Feel free to prod on...I am just not quite sure how to phrase the answer.

I'm really stumped by how hard these two simple questions are to answer!



1. what have you/do you find to be most rewarding about your marriage to a physician?



The people in the medical community are generally really great people. I have met many wonderful people through my husband's work. Also, the fact that he will now, after all those years of traingin, be able to take more vacation (11 weeks a year) and have an income that allows him to retire at age 55 is great. The income to be able to buy a nice house is also nice. Beyond that, I can't say that medicine has done anything positive for our relationship. It's just not like that. The impact medicine has had on our relationship is predominantly negative.



2. what have you/do you find to be most challenging about your marriage to a physician?



Like so many have said, medical training changed my husband from someone who wanted to contribute to society to someone who now just wants to get out of it what he can with as little time as possible. Training made my husband detest working under any kind of stress. He used to find stress a bit invigorating, but now it just freaks him out. Medical training also changed his personality to a much darker one, and I often grieve for that man I fell in love with so long ago. The open curiousity is gone. So is much of the tenderness and compassion. I feel like he is, in many ways, a totally different person. If he'd had a head injury, you could explain it. With medical training, you are expected to get over it and rise to the challenge. It just doesn't work that way in my experience.



I keep hoping and dreaming that my husband will

I think that my view point may be different since phill and i are older,have only been married 2years now,and he has been a doctor for 20years.

As far as the rewards of being married to a doctor let me say that my ex-husband was independently wealthy and didn't work,my late husband was a lawyer and had the same income or more then phill so financially that is not a reward or benefit to me.I'm already used to a high income.I see no finanical or social rewards to being married to him....just that we love each other like any other husband or wife.

As to the negative...that is different.I do have to agree with the other wives and the thing that is most negative is the emotional stress of the job on him.I see him get wound up tighter and tighter each day and finally it's Friday and he's off.On Sat.he is a little more relaxed,by Sunday is is good ole phill back to his happy self,and then Mon.it starts all over again.But it doesn't bother me too much as this is the man i got to know in 2years of dating so i knew ahead of time how he gets.Since we are still newlyweds and it's his 2nd marriage we know to put each other and the marriage 1st.We still have a fantastic sex life and talk and share and get closer everyday.No matter how tired or stressed he is we still have fun and play and build our marriage every single day.He knows he doesn't want a name only marriage like the 1st one was for 26years....and i know what a good marriage is and should be.We put that 1st in everything we do.The being on call for hollidays is also a negative,but i'm older and we have no kids left at home so we just change things and work around the call days and we're just as happy.I know when i was younger with 3 small children that would not have worked tho as kids want Xmas on Xmas day!!

I know this mite change your school paper but it may help balance it out too.Lemme know if you need anymore info.

Lynn

Hi Claudia!



Sorry that it's taken me awhile to respond. I always have to think about these things before I respond. I will try to be as up front with you as I possibly can and give the details you need to make a good paper. I haven't written one for about a year, but I remember how much research and information needed to make a good paper or case for that matter. Well, here I goooo...



Before I answer the questions, I feel it is important to know what stage we are in this medical marriage. My husband is a first-year resident in Family Medicine. Also, I must mention that this is not his first professional career. He started out as a secondary science teacher; however, he always aspired to become a physician. He put those dreams aside thinking he would not be able to pursue this path due to having juvenile diabetes in my opinion. His mother never encouraged him to go into this field of medicine due to his diabetes. I speculate why she did this. She probably felt that this would hurt his health in some mysterious way. As you can see, I certainly disagree with this. When I saw that teaching was not the kind of challenge he needed, I strongly suggestly Bob to use his talents to the fullest for God's glory. He is very smart, very compatable, very compassionate, and also has a gift of teaching. These attributes contribute to his good bed-side manner and patient preventive health teachings.



First question: What I find most rewarding about my husband is being married to him prior to him pursuing the field of medicine. I feel I know him deep down inside and can make him happy by being there when he calls me about a patient that has passed away or not in good health. I find Bob rewarding in that although he has slight changes to his personality during stressful time like during Medicine rotation or being 'on-call', he is able to bounce back and be his ownself again with a little encouragement from me. I also find it rewarding that if I'm sick I can get an appointment with Bob to tell me what is wrong and what I need to take and call in a prescription for me. I find it rewarding that he is helping others with preventive medicine as well as treating various illnesses, cancers, etc. I'll be honest here. I also find his profession rewarding in that we don't have to eat generic foods like we once did or be on WIC like we once were. Times have definitely changed for us! I can actually get Jif, my favorite peanut butter, without worrying about what we'll eat tomorrow. This brings me to another point. I find his profession rewarding in that yes, he makes a little more money, and we are able to help little children 'Angels' on the tree at Christmastime. We do not believe in hoarding our money, but to help others in times of need. People were there for us in our time of need and the best gift we can give is to help others in this same manner!



Okat, now, what is the most challenging to our medical marriage? The time factor is the most challenging. As a physician, my husband works many hours to help others and sometimes does not get the opportunity to help me, the kids or himself. Vacations are definitely a reward for our family endurance; reality of a physician's schedule is the challenge. Bob does not come home wanting to do anything as he once did. He just has no energy. Not taking care of himself can be a challenge. For example, he is a diabetic. He must eat! He must take insulin! He must do these things at certain times of the day. What if he can't? Well, his blood sugar can get too high or too low causing an insulin reaction. However, the upside to this is that his insulin pump regulates his blood sugar somewhat to the extent that his blood sugar doesn't just drop to 30 in a matter of minutes causing an instant insulin reaction, rather it is steady and his blood sugar levels come down slowly whereas I or others can detect by his actions that he needs something to eat. I hope all that makes sense to you. Bottom-line is this. The challenge is lack of time for self and family which can result in poor health of a physician. A physician must keep a balance and NOT overextend his boundaries where it can cause danger to his own well-being.



Okay...I know I've gabbed too much. Great questions!!!! You made me think. This is a good sign!!!



Smiles,

Christy