Women Docs and MALE SPOUSES Hurt Too!

Hello all, I am posting this message to all the doctor's wives because I joined this group for support but I don't know that this is the right place for me. You see I'M THE MED STUDENT and I'M ALSO THE WIFE. I'm the one who juggles and HE'S the one who suffers. We have put off having children for the simply fact that time will not permit. But aren't we still getting older? Doesn't life go on? Sometimes when I read the women's stories on the board and I read the issues that are expressed I see MY HUSBAND. He is the one who has moved from place to place with me, emptied out his savings for application fees, books, equipment. He is the one who put his education to the side for a while so that there would actually be some sort of income. I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes when I read messages on the board I want to SCREAM at the computer screen because there are always two sides to every story. For example, the issues that doctor's wives face are no different from the ones I face as the future doc (or any woman managing a household for that matter). I want my house clean! I want my laundry done! I want to feel beautiful! I want to take care of my husband! AND be a doctor...the question is: is it possible? I think it is. I tell myself that yes I want to be a doctor but my FAMILY comes first...ALWAYS!

I have a friend who is just starting med. school this year with two little girls and she is thrilled to be starting school; yet, she has never left her girls before and doesn't know how she will handle it. They have a nanny and her husband works full-time but she wants to be home with them and be a doctor.



Coming from a spouse of a 4th year student, I know how little time she is going to have and she doesn't know it yet. I believe that being the wife/mom and the student doctor is an incredible challenge and probably much harder than anything I am going through as the stay-at-home spouse.



I believe it is possible to be a woman doctor and a good wife but that it takes a lot of work. You must have an incredible husband to sacrifice like he has to help you follow your dreams. Even with your limited time, make sure there is time for hubby in there where he gets your undivided attention and knows how much you appreciate him.



Take care of yourself too. Study in a bubble bath. If the finances allow, have someone come in and clean your house once a week (I wish I could do this!! ) Take a break for yourself doing something that you enjoy, i.e. exercise, pedicure, hiking or whatever you like.



I don't know if any of this helps at all but ... hang in there. You can be a good doctor who puts her family first. Good luck!



Robin

NoSleepTill04,



Hi! I wanted to comment that I completely understand where you are coming from. It is so difficult for you as a physician as well

Hi..First let me say...Welcome Back! This is really a group of caring, supportive people, and I genuinely hope that you find the support that you are looking for here.



As a woman, I can really relate to what you have to say. I just finished my MS in mol. gen., except for finishing thesis revisions (I hope no one else is reading this, or I will definately be due for a flogging!) I want to have it all....I want to be there for my husband and children, have a great career, and have a clean house that isn't constantly chaotic. When I was finishing my degree in the last year, it was a full-time endeavor. My laundry was never done...and when it was, it was to be found in the Graco playpen (read: clean clothes basket) and often didn't get put away...we just picked out what we needed



The challenge of balancing career and family is not one that I have yet mastered. As I told you, I am also "pre-med"...I hope to return to that endeavor when my children are older...which means a patient wait for me...



We are people struggling through some aspect of this wild medical training adventure, and I invite you to jump in and share your story....you can provide us with a unique perspective and perhaps our stories will help you in some way? In any case, you are always welcome here.



My computersaureus Rex has already frozen once while I was writing this, so I am signing off now! I look forward to getting to know you.



Kris

[houseelf]

Welcome to the board, we haven't met before, but I can tell you that you are NOT alone. I actually think that they male spouses may have it harder because of the culturally embued expectations of men and women. It sounds like you are aware of his supportive role and this is half the battle. All healthy relationships have an ebb and flow of one person's goals and needs taking the forefront while the other spouse supports. So as long as you both view this as temporary until you are better able to support his goals and dreams, you'll both do o.k. Welcome, it is great to have a physician on the board to offer the other side of the coin!



Kelly

Oh goodness, Kristen. Sorry about my huge picture!!!



It is so big that my message did print out!!!!

That's OK, Christy...don't you hate it when things like that happen? It just gave us all an opportunity to view your picture which, by the way is really nice...you are very photogenic!



Kris