Introduction

Hi All--

I am the spouse of an 'older' (35) 4th yr med student heading for a medicine residency, 19 days from knowing where we'll be next year.



It's funny, I found this page probaby this fall during the throes of my guy's sub-I, but hadn't gotten completely registered until just now, in the becalmed seas before the news and reality of next year. My husband's currently abroad for a rotation in Africa, so it feels REALLYcalm at the moment, but getting started here on this board seems like an investment for the year to come. I sit here and imagine a year like the 3 months of his surgery rotation during 3rd year, which were the hardest it has ever been for us, and hope that our accumulated tools for dealing with the stresses of marriage and med school will suffice. But maybe a support group will make all the difference.



Our top ranked choices for residency include both East and West coast programs. We are in New England right now, so we might face a big move or a rather small one. It was a long, arduous and ultimately affirming process to decide together how to rank the programs. I work in the mostly transferrable/transportable field of community development, so my work wasn't hard to factor in, but I'm curious how other couples have come to figure out how to rank programs. I am also interested in suggestions for dealing with match day and the days around it . I feel like the world is watching (our extended families and friends). Does anyone have suggestions for coping with the day itself? Or good (or bad that finally seem funny in retrospect) stories about your experiences?



Glad to have found a place to ask,

Kate

[houseelf]

Kate,



Welcome to medicalspouse! How exciting that your hubby is in Africa! Any chance that you get to visit? I'm sure that working in Africa does lend a lot of perspective to the whole match situation!



Hmmm. Match day advice....I'm probably not the person to give advice on this topic, except perhaps to expound upon what I did wrong! I guess you should just try to mentally prepare yourself for every scenario. Nothing is a "done deal" until that envelope is opened. Nonetheless, it may sound trite, but things always work out the way that they are supposed to. The one thing that DID help was that we had our whole family with us for support. After my dh and I took about 20 minutes by ourselves to grasp what the results meant, we went out and celebrated with our families. Looking back, it really was a big day in our lives.



In any regard, you have found the right place to come! There is always someone here who will understand. Welcome--I look forward to seeing you on the boards.



Kelly

Welcome Kate!



I think you will find lots of support here. My name is Sally and my husband is an OB/GYN for the Air Force. He finished residency last summer. We live in TX and have three boys.



We missed the whole match day drama because he was selected for a military residency and found out in December of his fourth year (over the phone) that we would be moving to San Antonio. We thought we would get a deferral and had already set up all his interviews and bought him a new suit! So it was a big shock. We are originally from Indiana and that is where he went to med school, so San Antonio was a big change for us, but we ended up loving it there -- apart from DH's job, that is!



Good luck to you both -- I'll be anxious to hear where you end up!



Sally

Hi--

Already I feel so welcome! Thanks for the notes and comments...



For more specifics, my husband is in Cameroon, out in maybe one of the larger towns (50,000 people). He's the only internist there, so he's getting all kinds of patients that the more specialized doctors don't take. His last email said he was treating a local king for malaria, who arrived in a Mercedes with several advisers and wives...



Kris, I don't even know where Venda is! Did you get to visit? I had really wanted to go to Cameroon (esp. since I'm the one who speaks French), but for once we made a decision based on finances and since there's so much uncertainty in the next 6 months we figured I couldn't afford to go. But next time we'll do it together. We are both too interested in doing international work together to miss any more chances...



Nice to find you all here--I look forward to more conversations.

Kate

[DCJenn]

Welcome!



I'm an "older" spouse of an "older" resident, too. I think in a lot of ways, it's easier being older than the rest. If nothing else, the perspective can be quite beneficial! (I'm 35, he's 34- a 2nd year peds resident)



We, like Sally, missed out on all the match day fun because we're Army and also like Sally we knew way back mid 4th year where we were going! fun, fun, fun!



This is an excellent group of people so visit often!



Jenn

*Welcome* Kate! It's great to have you on board here! Everyone here brings something unique to the table and so it is a wonderful, wonderful support group! You can always be sure that if you are having the worst month ever, someone else is having a great month and can give you the encouraging words that you need to hear at that time!

What a great experience your husband is having! I would love to hear more about that!

All I can offer in the way of advice for match day is to look at it as an adventure. I, personally, sobbed when my husband told me where he had matched. He was in Texas for a month and called to share the news. It was more awful b/c this meant definite long-distance for two years b/c I had to finish grad school. I don't think anything can relieve the stress - just come here to unload! And who knows, there might be something special for you in the place that you NEVER thought you would end up! I'm hoping this is the case!

Look forward to chatting with you!

Hi Kate! Welcome to the boards. I am in the same boat as you with a husband that is a 4th year med student. My dh is going into anesthesia and we have applied from the midwest to the west coast. We could end up anywhere, which is exciting but, for me right now, I am a stress case! My husband's top choice was in Iowa. I have never even been to Iowa and we are currently in Arizona so it would be an extreme weather change for us! I can't believe that we only have 17 days until we will know. I want it to be here tomorrow and yet ... I am not sure I am mentally prepared for making any major moves. If that makes any sense. We will have to sell our house and travel with four kids and a dog! Yikes! I have 4 boys ranging from 10 years of age to 2. This will definitely be an adventure for us. My kids are not excited about moving because they have so many good friends here so we are all going to be transitioning. I have many different emotions going on and part of me is excited, especially getting through medical school and feeling like we have accomplished something.



We do not have any family close so Match Day will be a HUGE phone bill day. I think if we find out we are moving, we will be painting the kitchen the next day!



That is exciting that your husband is in Africa. He will have such incredible experiences. I hope he has a little time to keep a journal. What a priceless experience!



What programs did he apply to? Will he be back from Africa in time for the match? I don't think I will get my husband pried away from the computer all morning waiting. He is so worried that I will find out before him! HA! We don't have any special Match Day party with his classmates because so many of them are doing rotations out of the area.



Anyway... it is nice to find someone in the same "match day boat". Hang in there. Only 17 more days and at least we will know where we will be spending the next few years! Good luck!!!



Robin

Wow! Where in Africa is he right now? My husband worked in Venda doing OB/GYN during med school.....I'd love to hear about what he's doing there!



So you are waiting for the match results? Robin, one of the wondermoms on this board is sitting in the same boat as you are right now. It is such an exciting time, but also pretty stressful....I hope that you all get the program that you want...I know how hard it is to pick up and move on just a couple of months notice....and so if you ever need to vent, I'm all ears. There are a couple of articles about the match and moving coming out in the newsletter, and I noticed that you are registered for it....I hope that that may be of some help.



The people here are truly wonderful. They've provided me with tons of encouragement and support...



I look forward to getting to know you.



Kris

Wow--it does feel nice to know someone else here is waiting for Match Day...My guy will definitely be back for the Match--he gets home the Saturday before. I hadn't thought about using the computer to check--his school makes a big deal about the envelopes being placed in the mail boxes...And it happens to be the mailroom that the local news stations like to film--I guess it's a good shot at human drama. A group of friends--mostly older students, are thinking about getting together just after. But there's also a class luncheon...I am thinking about taking the day after off from work, but now I realize he'll be working that day, so I don't know...My job is so important to me and so don't want to have face people right then to tell them we'll be leaving the area--it feels like a betrayal to people and a community I have built relationships in to have even ranked programs far away...I was thinking we might head off to the mountains for the weekend...But packing up our 2 bedroom apartment is nothing like up and moving 4 boys and a dog and selling a house...Do you have any chance of matching in the area?



I'll be thinking of you as we get closer...Thanks, everyone for the thoughts...

Kate

I hope that you match to the place you want. Is there a possibility you could also stay put? Russ has a couple of anesthesia programs that are three years so he would need to do an internship year. He has interviewed here for those so there is a possibility we could stay here for another year but there are no anesthesia programs in Phoenix so we will definitely have to move either this June or next.



I think spending the time on Match Day quietly together sounds like the ideal to me. Whether that will work or not, I don't know. I don't know if he will be able to get the time off.



Do your coworkers know there is a possibility you won't be there in the future? I am sure it will all work out for the best. That is what I keep telling myself and I know that Kelly mentioned that too.



Do you get tired of nonmedical friends and family asking if you know yet? Most of them just don't quite understand the process even after I have explained it. I am asked almost on a daily basis where we are going. It just adds to the uncertainty. I will be glad to know where we are going and have a plan.



Hang in there!



Robin

Match Day is only around the corner! My partner's med school has a big to-do for the day... (University of Florida) They have a lunch-brunch... all the envelopes are placed on a table... one by one, in random order, your name is called out. You walk up to the podium, say your name into the microphone and then open (and read aloud) where you match. Talk about stressful!!



We're looking at a big move... mostly likely out to California or Phoenix or Tuscon... we wanted a change of scenery for at least 3 years. (Peds residency) It should be fun to trek across the country with all our stuff, 1 dog, and 3 cats! Thank God we don't have kids yet!!



I can't wait to just know.

[Meenah]

Welcome,

I'm older (44) married to an even older attending!!! Welcome, this is a wonderful place for support and comfort. I wish all of you the best for match day.

Luanne

You guys are at UF? We just left there!!! Go Gators.....



My hubby did his ID fellowship at UF.... Are you originally from Florida or did you all just head there for med school? We were just temporary transplants, so we've moved up north to Minnesota....brrrrrrr.



Kris

Venda is in S. Africa, I believe. I didn't meet him until he had come back, so I missed that grand adventure... I think it would have been fun to go over and visit! Have you had a chance to fly over and spend some time there? My husband traveled throughout Africa at that time (it was safer) and he has a lot of interesting tales to tell...I'm sure your husband will too!!!



Kris

Wow, once again I am amazed by the volume and variety of responses...With all the freedom of B's Africa rotation I've been out almost every night with different friends (or working), so haven't checked in for a few days.



Luanne: thanks for piping in. It's nice to know there are even MORE experienced ears (eyes?) out there listening (reading?) and generally commiserating (or celebrating.)



Kris: No, I haven't been able to go over to Africea. Too expensive (flight and my time off work) especially given the uncertainty of the next six months. But both of us would like to work abroad again (he has done work in Nepal; I have worked in Honduras, Morocco and Bolivia), this time as a team. I think not going this time makes us both VERY motivated to have me go whenever the next time is.



Jeepgrrl7: Yikes--what a HARD way to do the match, right there in public. Is it a small class, so you guys really all know each other very well? I am thinking about preparing a postcard and email to send out to friends and family as soon as we know--Maybe I'll make a humorous one with checkboxes next to our top 8-10 ranked schools, address them, stamp them, and just check off the box that day...





Robin: I hope you guys end up where you would like to be, which might mean staying right there, right? I know what you mean about people asking over and over. I think the family has finally got it down, now it's just keeping it straight for our friends....



Thanks again, you all, for the company and warm wishes.

Kate