MS3 wife in Cincy

I just found your site while I was looking for some support. I just do not feel like there is enough support for us spouses and I often feel like I have no clue what is going on! I am so excited that you are here!

My husband began his 3rd year in July at the University of Cincinnati School of Medicine. I love my job at the Cincinnati Playhouse in the Park where I am the Subscriptions Manager. We do not have any children yet, just a very ornery puppy named Charlie. She currently is my support system.

Third year is begining to prove to be a trying time for the both of us! I already feel like I need a break. I was also online looking for books, etc to help to make my husband feel better. He has been very worn down lately with the "did I make the right choice?" attitude. Any suggestions??

[Stella]

No suggestions, we're only MS1, but I'm glad to have another med school spouse! Welcome and post often. We're good for relieving frustrations. Taking it out on us will help you take it out less on him.

[rainbabies]

welcome!

my dh said the same thing....he still asks me if it is worth it sometimes. i hear it does get better. "see" you around.

[SuzySunshine]

I think everyone goes through that stage in med school especially when they're stuck on some rotation that they don't enjoy - he'll find the right specialty and then it will all click. Or he won't and he can go into consulting and skip residency all together (we had a friend do that).

Welcome and good luck!

I am not worried about whether or not he chose the correct path. I know it will all work out in the long run. I am only worried about him realizing it ASAP or as OFTEN as possible to keep him out of sadness and depression.

He is different everyday, sometimes he is happy, sometimes he is sad, sometimes he is elated, sometimes he is a bear to be around! His birthday is coming up and I just wanted to get him something that reminded him that his feelings are normal and that he is still on the right track.

[MissCrabette]

Welcome Ellen! I'm happy to "see" another med student spouse on the forum. My fiance is only MS2 but we've already asked ourselves the same question a few times. I don't think you're going to find the magic book that will make him realize this is all worth it in the end. I think that realization will have to come from within and it will have to be reinforced by your support and the support of the rest of his family and friends. Again, welcome and post often.

[Momo]

Welcome to a fabulous site full of fabulous folks like yourself !!

[Meenah]

Welcome, we are a great group!!

Welcome to the site, Its such a fantastic group of people here and great support!

[houseelf]

Hi,

Welcome to the group. In order to keep this thread about you, I'm going to post a thread in grand rounds with your name on it to ask you some questions about Cincinnati. I hope that you don't mind.

Kelly

You are not alone!!

Welcome!! I have to let you know that you are not alone. I was in your place just 1 year ago!! My husband is a 4th year, and we spent almost the entire year last year debating the "What have I done to myself??" and "Is this what I REALLY want to do?". My husband felt that he too, was all alone. What I don't think they realized (until now perhaps) is that probably most of the students feel that way. My husband compared it to boot camp (not that he would know first hand what boot camp is like...but....). They humiliate you, beat you down and there is a point where you just can't believe you are going to make it through. Then you realize, your 3rd year is ending and you DID make it through. You are smarter and much much more "grown up"--or mentally mature.

To top it all off for my husband, he was extremely torn between wanting to do neurosurgery OR having a family life and hobbies (i.e. Radiology!) He loved the neurosurgery atmosphere (I think they call it the "God complex" or something like that) but he said he couldn't handle knowing he would have to be away from his family for the next several decades. So that turmoil was a major part of our lives for the past 6 months. On a positive note, he chose radiology and is currently applying for residencies.

Anyhow, to make you feel better....it sounds to me like you are being such a sweetie and helping him out in anyway you can. I am sure he appreciates your help and I personally remember my husband (fiance at the time...) telling me that he wouldn't have made it through without me.
And another word to TRY to help you through...next year (at least for us...) will be SO much easier. My hubby hasn't been on call at all (not yet at least!!) this year. And he has lots of time on weekends to spend with me and not being stressed. So, just hang in there. Remind him that he is doing the right thing, and you both will get through it.

Oh, and when he is done in the spring TAKE A VACATION TOGETHER. You might not get a chance to do that for a LONG time!!

Have a great day! Good luck