So Happy to Find This!!!

Hello everyone - My name is Jenn, and I'm married to a PGY-3 general surgery resident. We've been married for 5 years, so I had the joy of being married to a medical student too. I am an attorney, and I work for a pretty big firm doing healthcare law. We mainly represent hospitals for general business, compliance, and patient care issues. (No suing doctors here! Although we do occasionally help kick a jerk off the medical staff.) Anyway, I stumbled across the Medical Spouse website today while searching for residency programs that have spouse/family support programs. My husband's program does not, and I'd like to start one up. I cannot put into words how excited I was to find this site! I should have looked for something like this a long time ago, because as I'm sure you all understand perfectly - MAN do I need some support from people who truly understand what I'm going through.



Unfortunately, I'm at work so I can't type for as long as I'd like. I would like to get some people's opinions on starting a family during residency. As I said above, my husband just started his third year of a 5 year gen surg residency. This year will be bad, but supposedly 4th and 5th year will be much better. Have any of you started a family during residency? I would really appreciate some feedback on the idea!



Back to work --

Take care

Jenn

Welcome to the board, Jenn!



What state are you in? We are in Maryland. My husband has started his first year of residency program at Andrews Airforce Base. He's going to go into Family Medicine. As for me, I am an ex corporate exec. I decided to leave corporate America to go into real estate investing. Now, I have my own real estate investment corporation.



As for medical spouse support groups, there's one with my husband's program. I've only been to one meeting. It's nice to get a chance to meet others on the same boat.



In any case, I hope you find this board helpful.



-Rachel

Jenn, welcome to the group! It sounds like you and Kelly have a lot in common.....



As to having a family during residency...we had three children and things worked out fine. We had our ups and downs with finances and call, but I wouldn't go back and do it any other way.



Is your husband planning on doing a fellowship, or will you all be finished after the gen surg? Surgery is such a tough program...I have incredible respect for what you are going through..we 'just' did internal med and an Infectious Disease fellowship...but it doesn't compare to surgery.



I look forward to getting to know you...



Kris

Welcome Jenn! I'm Claudia (my user name used to say that but I had to change it - it is now "baguette" spelled backwards. Don't ask! Kris should insert "fruit loop" underneath it!) - wife of a 4th year gen surg resident. It's a unique experience, isn't it? (As I patiently wait for my dear husband to return my second unreturned page of the day!) We've got a few more years ahead of us - he wants to do a vascular fellowship and then we have some things to settle with the Air Force for four years! It will be so nice to just settle down in one city (of our choice!!!) some day in the future. This lifestyle certainly forces us to not take anything for granted!



Anyway, I just finished my master's degree in communication studies and I'm (still) looking for a job - I'm doing some temp work right now which is utterly unfulfilling. Your job sounds great - quite interesting! Do you put in a lot of hours? As for little ones during residency, I highly recommend it. We don't have any ourselves yet but we are trying! I think as far as the money issues and the time issues, you just make it work and do the best you can at the time! I like to remind myself that plenty of families in much, much worse situations than we are in have kids all of the time - and it works for them, too! Plus, we have success stories right here on this board!

[houseelf]

Welcome Jenn!



Hi! I also happen to be a wife of a third year general surgery resident and an attorney. I'm doing the whole public service route. You can't beat the lifestyle of working for "The Man". In law school, however, one of my jobs included defending several Air Force docs in administrative med. mal. claims. It is helpful to have someone in the business to help sort through claims.



Coincidentally, our surgery department offers no support group for spouses either. It certainly appears that we have a few things in common! A hearty welcome to our humble group!



Just jump right in and we'll chat below---be patient with me...I need to get my computer up and running again....I'm in the middle of a technology breakdown today. UGH!



Kelly

[DCJenn]

Welcome Jenn-



I think you make the 4th Jenn/Jennifer here. (We're going to have to start differentiating ourselves somehow!)



This is a fabulous place to come and vent. We're always here, that's the beauty of it.



I'm the spouse to a third year peds resident and we're in San Antonio. He's in the Army but the program is a dual Army/Air force program so he works at both the Army hospital and the Air Force hospital (with a few rotations at one of the civilian hospitals, just to keep things spicy)



Welcome aboard!



Jenn

[SueC]

Hi Jenn!

I didn't read the other replies, but I can tell you we did start our family during my husband's 2nd year of residency. We added a 2nd baby during his 4th year of residency and aren't sure when or if baby #3 will arrive. Honestly, it was a little tough to start a family with his schedule, but looking back I wouldn't change a thing. I can say, I wouldn't have wanted to wait until he started his fellowship, because it is proving just as rigorous if not more so than intern year and I would have felt terribly lonely. By now, I'm used to being alone and I've kind of got the "single mom" thing down pretty well (he is in year 1 of a 3 year fellowship). I'd say if you thing you're ready to be parents, go for it!

Welcome to this board--I just found it a few days ago and am addicted to it!

Sue

[mommax3]

Hi Jenn,



I am glad you have found this board -- I think you will find lots of support here. (and lots of Jennifers! ) I am Sally, and I stay home with three boys, aged 7, 4, and 11 months. My husband is an OB/GYN with the Air Force, and has been out of residency a little over a year. We live in north Texas.



We got married very young -- it will be twelve years tomorrow! We had our first child at the end of second year of med school, (in Indiana) our second at the end of intern year (in San Antonio) and our third right after residency (last fall). Each situation had its positives and negatives, but I am glad we didn't wait. Since my husband was on an Air Force scholarship during med school, we had a little income, but it wasn't enough to support us, so we took out loans. I also worked as a nanny (and took my son with me) and gave private voice and piano lessons to get extra money -- I was a music teacher for five years before my oldest was born.



Residency was a little easier, but I still gave private lessons and had a part time job at my church during the last year, while I was pregnant. My oldest was in kindergarten at that point and my other son was in child care that was provided at the church, just down the hall from my office. So things have had a way of working themselves out for us.



I have spent more hours than I would want to count alone, but I definitely don't feel like we have had to put life on hold in order for my husband to pursue his career. The spouses here all have stories of how they have managed the dilemma of when to have children -- but mostly, I think, you just have to go for it and then figure it out as you go, which is what I feel like I am doing still!



Welcome!



Sally

Welcome to the site! You and Kelly really have quite a bit in common. My husband is in his internship year of a four-year anethesiology residency. He was going into surgery clear up to October of last year until he went to the residency program he was most interested in and worked 100+ hours each week. He decided it was not for him even though he loved surgery. The difference for us though was the fact that we have four children already, ranging from 10 to 2. My oldest wouldn't see much of his dad through some critical years and we didn't feel good about it. If we were younger or our kids had been much younger, I think he would have stuck with surgery.



Chilren are a lot of work but it is totally worth it. If you are wanting to have children and are ready for them ... go for it. It will work out.



Robin

Good grief! This is just like when I was a kid and there were always two other Jennifers in class with me!



( I'm really not upset. )



I think we should start distinguishing ourselves - perhaps I could be Queen Jennifer?



Welcome!



Jennifer

Hi ladies!



Thanks so much for all the responses and advice so far. Sorry I didn't get the chance to respond over the weekend, but my husband (Andrew) actually had THE ENTIRE WEEKEND OFF! Shocking, I know. So we made the most of it and I didn't go near the computer all weekend. He's on call tonight though, so I'll have lots of time to respond to everyone later today!



It does sound like Kelly & I will have a lot to talk about, and to all the Jennifers out there, I feel your pain!



Talk to you all soon -



Jenn

Hi everyone - I'm hanging out at home, doing a few of the gazillion chores I've been putting off. Andrew is on call tonight, so the house is pretty quiet. I've gotten pretty used to call. Whenever he has home call for a rotation or two, I start to get antsy and miss my "alone time." Isn't that terrible??



A little more about us...we're originally from Denver Colorado, but are now in Columbus Ohio. We were upstate New York for med school & law school. I'm just about finished with my tour of the lower 48! I'd like to go back to Denver when he's done here. Not sure whether or not he's on board with that, but I've followed him twice, so I think it's his turn to compromise!



Somebody asked whether he wants to do a fellowship - he does NOT, thank God! He used to want to go into CT surgery or maybe vascular, but once his residency started, he's just been looking forward to the day it will be over. He's lucky, because his program recently started requiring at least one year of research. He's safe though. No research, no fellowship. Yay!



Regarding babies...that's kind of a hot topic around our house. I want one, he's scared out of his mind and keeps feeding me "reasons." (You'll find that I'm more than a little sarcastic and cynical -- I like to blame it on law school. Back me up Kelly!) Basically what it boils down to is that I feel like I'm ready, and he doesn't. I think I'm going to bring it up with him again this coming weekend...we had a fight about it about 4 months ago and said we'd talk about it again in 6 months. But in addition to being sarcastic and cynical, I'm pretty impatient too!



My hours at work aren't too bad. It's usually 8:30-6 Monday through Friday, but I could cut it down to an even 8 hours if I put my mind to it. The level of work ebbs and flows, so some times are busier than others. Kelly, good for you doing the public interest thing!! I really wanted to do that when I started law school. But now my law school loans will prohibit me from doing that for several years. It sucks, but I guess that's just the nature of the beast. What kind of work are you doing?



Well, I have some more laundry to fold. It's so nice getting to know all of you, and I look forward to chatting much more!!



Jenn

We had our first child at the start of my wife's fourth year of med school, which worked out really well since she had some research time and some of the pressure was off as far as coursework. On the other hand, we then had residency interviews around the country with an 8-week-old, which I don't really recommend.



Having an infant or toddler during residency (esp. when both spouses have careers) is stressful and a ton of work, but we're surviving. Now we're in our fourth year of an OB residency and expecting our second daughter in Dec. Headed for an MFM fellowship too. Yikes.



The truth is there's no perfect time for babies.



Good luck with your decision!



Brian

As to the original posters last question - Have any of you started a family during residency? My answer is "no" - we didn't start our family during residency but we definitely have a family during it! We had our first child during undergrad, our second and third (twins) at the end of the second year of medical school, and our fourth child was born last year during the first year of residency. So, here we are in my husband's second year of a five year residency and we have four children (ages 5, 3, 3, and 6 months). It isn't easy - but I'd argue that having four kids isn't easy any way you look at it. Having one child during medical school was very, very, VERY easy and that is why we decided to have another child (but it turned out to be twins! ). Having three children during medical school and residency is harder but doable. Four is quite a workload mentally and physically. So, if you guys plan to have one during residency - piece of cake! Two will be a bit more difficult but still pretty easy - larger numbers and you can expect to have a trial by fire .



Jennifer

Let me add that I am a full-time, professional mommy - if I worked outside of the home while my husband was in med school and residency I don't think I'd be able to raise more than MAYBE one child. So, view my above comments with that in mind.



Jennifer