Hi! In NYC w BF in MN. how to help deal with patient death?

Gosh, if I keep posting to this site, I'll fail out of school and then we can forget this whole discussion

Yeah, my BF's been preparing me for the worst basically since the day I met him. We even broke up once because he thought this was just going to be too hard to weather. But, we just have something undeniably special and we can't imagine not being with each other in the long run.

That said, I'm glad I'm in a different part of the country for his first year and a half of residency. Not to be harsh, but I know I'd be miserable living with him right now (it would be a different story had we known each other for longer--we'd only been together 9 mos. when he left for residency). It's hard being apart, but we talk every day, and I'm getting to pursue a masters in a field that excites me, which will hopefully translate into a job in his city when I graduate.

The scary thing will be moving to a small midwestern city where I don't know anybody but him. If I get a good job, I know I'll make friends easily, and with him working all the time, I'll be able to put in a lot of time at work.

Thanks for reading my posts and responding, everybody! Prior to finding this site, I had nowhere to figure out what other people are going through.

Cheri, is your hubby at U of M? If so, is there a network of spouses/families in the surg. program there?

P.S. Please come read my blog--I'm desperate for visitors and comments right now as I try to get it off the ground! (see below)

[houseelf]

There is no surgery spouses' group at the U of MN.

Kelly

There is no surgery spouses' group at the U of MN.

Kelly

Could we start one?

[SuzySunshine]

I am not at U of M - we're at Mayo where fortunately there is a fabulous spouse group. If I can give you any ideas for one at U of M I'd be happy to.

I'll have to read your blog from home - my work firewall blocks it (but luckily not this site)!

[houseelf]

I'll be gone before you get here. We're leaving in June.

However, I can tell you that the is pretty good about allowing residents to stay here for research. The U prides themselves on offering fully compensated dedicated research time outside of clinical duties. The bad news is this. The U has a so-so track record of allowing residents to come back into clinical residency on the time frame that the resident desires. We got out of the lab when we wanted, but not everyone has.

This has never been said officially, and it may never occur. However, I'm highly suspicious of the U attempting to tap the lab residents for clinical coverage in the future. The services need more coverage since the 80 hour work week.

It does appear that the new chair intends to take the place in a positive direction. This is good for you all.

With that all of that being said, this is a Hard, HARD, hard life, even for bright, articulate, very in love people.

Kelly

[houseelf]

P.S. Do you all want to buy a townhome close to the hospitals?

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

P.S. Do you all want to buy a townhome close to the hospitals?

Kelly

kris

ps...hey though...wouldn't that be awesome!

[MrsC]

Hey,

Welcome to the board. As the wife of a PGY 2 GS resident, I feel your pain. Residency is a difficult road and I think most people here will agree with me when I say that surgery is one of the worst. My H (then bf) went through the same thing in intern year as regards patient deaths. It's only natural and with a speciality like surgery where the risks are so high, it will happen. There really is not much you can do but tell him that it wasn't his fault (which it wasn't). At the end of the day responsibility lies with the attendings and chiefs. If he's anything like my DH he'd like to spend all day there to be sure that things are done properly but obviously you can't do that.

We had only been dating for 8 months when DH started residency. I moved half way across the world (I'm from Ireland) to be with him and we got married 7 months after moving in together. We were LD for 3 months. So, I have made a lot of sacrafices. There were very tough times and there were better ones. You just have to remind yourself why you're there. I think it has made us stronger. As for a career, I am worried about how mine will fit in. I'm a photographer so right now I can fit my hours to suit his and we get just as much time together.

I always say that surgery is a vocation, not just a job. You will come second place. There will be awful months and good months, depending on rotation. Intern year is definately the worst. I wouldn't discourage anyone from entering into this lifestyle. It takes a strong person and if you really want to be with your bf and see a future with him, then you can do it.

This site is an excellent source of support.

P.S. Do you all want to buy a townhome close to the hospitals?

Kelly

He just bought a 1BR so we're set for the next 7 or so years. But thanks!