Parents Religion

[DrWahoo]

It was very interesting read in the premarital sex post how conservative some of your parents are. Did you guys grow up in a religious home or just had conservative parents ?

[DCJenn]

My parents were soooo not conservative- Not with nekked pictures of mom hanging in dad's office (until we were pre-pubescent, then they came down).

But- like the no telephone or TV in my room, it was more about conservative parenting- and they wisely knew that the more they knew about what was going on, the less likely we'd be to get into too much trouble. We were under observation. They are both the oldest of much younger siblings who came of age in the late 1960s and early 1970s. We bore the brunt of the pot-smoking, cigarette smoking, drinking, tripping, carousing aunts and uncles.

and my mother is the most anti-organized religion person I know. She makes Heidi seem like a nun.

Jenn

[Sheherezade]

My parents were way more liberal than me. Not hippies - both are total professional types - but we did have naked pictures of my mom on the wall, went to different churches to be exposed to different religions and cultures, and were latchkey kids from the age of....8? All that is rather shocking to me now - but I obviously survived and even flourished. As a parent, I have pulled in the reins a bit. I'm much more protective. I have maintained the alternative religions approach, though. My kids have a smattering of all faiths presented to them with the disclaimer that no one knows - but this is what many believe. I wish that I could be part of a faith community (and give this to my kids) but I honestly don't like being tied down to one ideaology. Say what you may, but I'm very happy with my self formed personal religious beliefs. Maybe my kids will end up devout. :>

DH was raised Catholic. He unfortunately had some first hand knowledge of pedophile priests. He's totally anti-religion. He lets me have at it with the kids, but he's against church as an institution. His family is more religious than mine ever was. It just goes to show you that more than family influences religious choice down the road.

[SuzySunshine]

DH and I were both raised catholic and I wouldn't say REALLY strict catholic but definitely strong catholics. My dad is one of 9 children, the four sisters and my grandparents are pre-Vatican II catholic which means to this day they still attend latin masses, women don't wear pants, they wear head coverings in church, etc. While we were never that strict I was still raised to go to mass every weekend and were very involved in youth group.

DH went to catholic schools all his life through high school. His father is a convert, coverted when he married MIL.

Now with all that said we go A LOT less now that we are married. When we were in college the Catholic campus center had a 10pm mass on Sundays that we always went to, the priests would do Q&A instead of sermons or they would give sermons on current news. When we moved to CA we had a gorgeous old church with a great young priest (he was our age) who did our marriage prep classes. Since we have moved here DH has been in our church I think twice and I've been probably 6-8 times.

However we do plan to raise our children Catholic and other than a few major teachings we still agree with most things the church says. I would definitely say our parents all fall in the conservative side though they don't rag on us about not going as much as we should now.

[Rapunzel]

DH and I were both raised completely LDS (Mormon). Although our respective parents were pretty far apart in their parenting styles! Funny thing is that LDS values were once considered quite "liberal" (what with being the first to grant women the right to vote and all - among other things ). Interesting that - having not changed in well over a century - we are now considered "conservative."

Our children are being raised LDS as well. We've altered our parents' parenting styles to fit our family (ie we think we've improved on them somewhat - hopefully) - but, religiously, LDS through and through.

[alison]

I was raised anti organized religion and to question/scrutinize/critically judge authority in general.

Dh was raised Catholic. His parents have left the church because of the high church taxes in Germany. Dh hasn't had the chance to leave the church; it's a day-long affair like going to the DMV. :>

Our future kids can decide for themselves what they want to believe. We'll probably do some of the German Christmas traditions, but in a cultural way, not religious.

As for sex, my mom gave me condoms when I was in middle school. She showed me how they work and... told me about lubricant! Later, she discussed the pill with me. And that was pretty much it. I was set to go! :>

[Auspicious]

I think of my parents as very moderate but quite traditional. They have ideas about things that people should and shouldn't do, but I don't think it's based in religion very much. I would describe them as having definite standards for behavior but also being open to discussion.

Religiously our deal was the my mom used to take the three of us kids to church (Methodist) pretty much every Sunday but my father never went with us. That had more to do with my father being "not a joiner" than it does his beliefs about religion. When I was in about eighth grade we drifted away from church, which means that my older brother went regularly all through high school (and it was a weekly battle between him and my mom) but my younger brother only went until he was about 9 or so. Honestly I think that was the point at which my mom came to feel confident that we were all going to turn out all right with or without church. Lots of ambivalence about church, I think--I couldn't describe my parents as either for or against it.

[Vanquisher]

and my mother is the most anti-organized religion person I know. She makes Heidi seem like a nun.

Jenn

And, to think I thought I held back. Guess you have me pegged.

[Vanquisher]

I grew up in a Christian household with a mother who was and still is nondenominational Christian. My dad, when I was a child, appeared to be Christian as well, but just didn't like church as much. I think he was always a bit skeptical. Dad was always very anti-Mormon more than pro-anything. We grew up in Utah and everyone was Mormon (or so it seemed). Really, I understand why he had this opinion, and it is one reason that our family does not want to move back to Utah when all is said and done to live by our families. I think, in general, the LDS religion has the most judgemental and unforgiving group of people out there. Now some of my best friends are LDS, but I met them outside of Utah, and even one of my LDS friends agrees that she doesn't want to raise her children in Utah because of the homogonous judgements of a majority of the people there. I cannot even tell you the number of times that Judgements were made against me because of my non-Mormon status.

A good friend of mine, Ben, wanted to take me to a casual dance (Ho-Down) in high school as friends, but his parents would not let him take me because I was not Mormon. They even admitted to me that they liked me very much, and that I seemed like a nice girl, and not so much like a floozy like my friend Sheri, but Sheri was Mormon, and they only allowed their children to date LDS girls. We weren't even going in a romantic way! Cripes! It was so stupid. We would have been in a group of other guys and girls.

Then a comment I heard a lot. "You are so nice! I thought for sure you were Mormon."

And countless other friends I couldn't have and people I couldn't date. Conversations that were exclusive about wards and seminary and family home evening. Really, it got under my skin a lot that they couldn't see that not everyone believed the same way they did and that they should be cognicent of that.

Now, my poor mother has three children who are all atheists and an agnostic husband. My grandmother blames all of this on my father, and has told my mother that she is a horrible mother and that all of her kids are going to hell. Literally, my mother spent a week in her room crying over our lost souls.

I hate everything there is about religion, organized and otherwise. I hate that things are "not very Christian-like" and blah, blah, blah. Like someone cannot be a moral and otherwise good person without being Christian and putting 10% of their hard-earned money into a gold plate at Church every Sunday so that they can build a bigger church and more churches to get more people to come and put more of their money in the church plate. And I hate that all this money is tax-exempt and can be counted as charitable contributions. I hate that all private schools are religiously affiliated, and I hate how people think I am inherently evil because I don't pray to an invisible sky man.

There. I think I have said enough...for now.

[MissCrabette]

I know it may sound awful but I was raised by my grandparents until I was ready to go to school. I spent most of my vacations with them as well. They were (and still are) very religious people. We'd go to church every Sunday and we'd say prayers several times a day. I didn't mind it too much but organized religion was not my cup of tea.

I didn't understand why a whole town had to get all dressed up to go to church only to gossip about who's sitting next to whom, who's wearing what and how awful it looks, and what happened to so and so. I also never understood why people went to church and thought of themselves as better Christians than those who didn't, even when the way they lived their lives outside the church was not at all Christian-like. Going to church and being openly religious doesn't automatically erase all the sins a person commits during the rest of the week. Don't even get me started on monetary donations. I have God in my heart, not in a building.

[mommax3]

This is really an interesting thread.

DH and I both grew up in the same church (a Baptist church, pretty conservative) and both of us have mixed feelings about it now. There were things we learned there that we are thankful for now, (like excellent pre-marital counseling) but we haven't been Baptist since about two years after we were married. The downside of that church was the over-emphasis on rules and the under-emphasis of grace, in my opinion.

We had a great church in San Antonio that was an Evangelical Free church. We went to a large non-denominational Bible church in Wichita Falls that was so-so, but I think that had more to do with the city where it was located. Our church now is the smallest church we have ever attended, (only about 80 people) and it is also a Bible church. We love it.

My mother is still Baptist, but interestingly enough, she has left the church I grew up in because she felt it was getting too liberal, meaning that she didn't think the "rules" were being enforced appropriately. She and I almost can't discuss religion because she gets so offended when I won't agree with her, and it is really silly because we still believe the same basic things. My Dad goes to church wherever the music is best but would probably say he was Baptist if he had to choose. DH's parents are still Baptist, but probably more progressive than the church we grew up in (they have moved since then).

Growing up, we were taught that popular music was wrong, wearing shorts was wrong, dancing was wrong, drinking was wrong, certain attitudes were wrong.......but not too much about what was right, if you know what I mean. There were those in my church that also thought movies or swimming in mixed company were wrong, but my mom didn't buy that. Of course I (and most of the kids I grew up with) totally rebelled and did what we wanted anyway, and then felt guilty. DH's parents weren't as into the "rules" as much.....and guess what -- he didn't rebel nearly as much, either.

I believe in the God that is described in the Bible, and really don't care what church I go to (denomination) as long as it doesn't take away from or add to that. I don't think that I am superior to anyone else who believes differently, either. DH and I are trying to raise our kids with the same beliefs that we have, without the other crap that we were raised with that is based on appearances and the opinions of others, but we know that they will make their own decisions as they grow older.

Sally

[SuzySunshine]

This brings up one of my biggest pet peeves. Religions that say if you're not part of our religion you're going to hell, what happened to be understanding of people's differences? Ok, you may not agree with it, but what gives you the right to judge?

Some of my family that is pre-vatican II feel this way and it really affects family holidays. I know once my dad's parents pass there won't be any big family holidays b/c the only reason people put on the smiley faces now are for them.

[Rapunzel]

Heidi, I've never lived in Utah (visited once) although I've been a member my entire life. I'm sorry you encountered such bad experiences with church members growing up. We have a saying: The Gospel is perfect but the people aren't. And, it really holds true! I'm sorry you felt excluded and I'm sorry that it still affects you today.

President Hinckley recently gave a General Conference talk chastizing the Utah members (which, at this point, aren't even half of the membership from what I understand) for behavior worse than you experienced. He recounted a story of a young man who grew up in Utah and was subject to so much abuse by teenagers who happened to be LDS that he was very anti-Mormon as an adult. It wasn't until he became friends with a man who was a role model for him that he began to heal. And, it wasn't for a long while after meeting this man that he found out his friend was LDS. In his letter to the General Authorities this man (now a convert) stated he wouldn't have been friends with the man had he known he was LDS from the beginning - because he had such awful experiences with those LDS teens growing up. I remember being so shocked at this new information that there were LDS in the world with a culture of exclusion (ironic given our beliefs that everyone should be loved and given the opportunities we have been blessed with). And, I must admit I was more than a bit relieved after hearing that talk that I had not grown up in Utah....

Anyway, I'm sorry you were treated poorly. If it helps I was at the receiving end of some pretty comparable bad behavior by the Southern Baptists that predominated our high school and community! Having the local Baptist youth group hold monthly meetings specifically about how Mormons are going to hell (and, are devils to boot!) really influenced how my friends, my teachers, and even relatives (mostly Baptists) treated my LDS peers and me. But, I think it just helped me to learn ways not to treat people! I still have Baptist friends, too!

[rainbabies]

heidi, i think what you said is very interesting. my very dear friend, rebecca is LDS. she and her family live in salt lake. when dh, the kids and i relocated to baltimore, rebecca suggested hooking up with a play group in my area...all LDS, and also a sisterhood. i was very hesitant (and never did join) because of all the things you mentioned. when my friend asked me later on why i never joined, i told her i didnt want to be judged and prejiduced against because i wasnt LDS. she told me that i have nothing to worry about..."all the judgemental LDS people are in utah, it's worse here than anywhere."

[alison]

I hate everything there is about religion, organized and otherwise. I hate that things are "not very Christian-like" and blah, blah, blah. Like someone cannot be a moral and otherwise good person without being Christian and putting 10% of their hard-earned money into a gold plate at Church every Sunday so that they can build a bigger church and more churches to get more people to come and put more of their money in the church plate. And I hate that all this money is tax-exempt and can be counted as charitable contributions. I hate that all private schools are religiously affiliated, and I hate how people think I am inherently evil because I don't pray to an invisible sky man.

I agree with you -- completely. Couldn't have said it better!