Age Wbetween kids....

but I have asked people who have as many children as I or more if they are going to continue to add to their family aka. do you feel done?

I don't mind talking to people about this -- friends -- especially when it is conversational. I think that is a normal topic of conversation. But when it is the random person or someone I don't really know or your neighbor commenting on your family planning or lack of...and it seems like they are asking because they already have an opinion or think they did it a better way....it bugs the crap out of me.

[mommax3]

My oldest two boys are 3 years +~6 weeks apart, and the middle and younger boys are 3 years and 2.5 months apart. On the whole, I have enjoyed the 3 year spacing, although I still had two in diapers for awhile after the birth of each baby. I very much appreciated that the older child was always pretty verbal when the baby came along.....I think that alleviated a lot of problems.

If I were doing it again, I would shorten the spacing in order to have a fourth, not because a three year spacing is bad, but a six year spacing was challenging and a nine year spacing between oldest and youngest was too daunting for us. In my life as a quasi-single mom, (better now than during residency, but his specialty is what it is and I am solo a LOT) I had a really hard time with having an infant as well as a child who had to get to school on time, had soccer practices/games, etc. I didn't know anyone where we lived when my third was born (we had only lived there about six weeks) so I think it could have been easier if I had made friends or had family nearby. It didn't help that our third baby needed a consistent schedule, was very fussy, a picky eater, and easily overwhelmed. Our first had been the same, but he was a cakewalk since I had no one else to please! I felt spread very thin during the year I had a six year old, three year old, and an infant. I had mastitis several times that year, as well as the nastiest bout of strep throat I have ever had, and I have had strep throat a LOT! I don't remember much of that year, and I don't think I was a good mother to any of my kids, because I was just going through the motions.

I have a friend that had four kids before the oldest one started school, and although she certainly had some wild times, she was in the baby/toddler/preschooler zone, and she just powered through. By the time her oldest started school, her youngest was about 18 months old and MUCH more portable. That's what I would do if I were doing it again. (However, I don't think my husband was home enough during those years to get me pregnant that often. )

I wonder if the all-girl households get asked if they are going to try for a boy more than the all-boy households get asked the opposite question? I have been asked if we were going to try for a girl about twice. I am one of four girls, and any time someone questioned my mom about FOUR GIRLS !?!? she would fire back "Yeah, I got a winner every time." I always thought that was pretty cool.

Sally, I've lost count. I like your mom's response.

As much as I get about it here, I usually just brush it off. The only time it really bothers me is when people ask DH in front of the kids -- it sounds an awful lot like people are implying that he would prefer to have boys and that couldn't be further from the truth.

[alison]

I don't know why manners go out the window when it comes to how many kids, their gender, their spacing.

Get this. My mil (who has three boys) told me that dh and I need to figure out how to make a girl. She said that a friend of hers gave her a book about how to conceive a certain gender, but found out she was pregnant with her third before she was even able to read the tips. Ack! MIL TMI, MIL TMI!

[Vanquisher]

I didn't mean to imply that it is bad to have your kids close together or that I am the authority on such things, if that is the way it came off. I only meant to show that big spaces can be fabulous, and it works for me even if it isn't the norm.

Between DS and DD1 - 20 months
Between DD1 and DD2 - 5 1/2 years

In our case, birth order plays the biggest role.

DD1 (our middle child) idolizes her older brother. They are best friends, but they bicker continuously.

Also, DD1 was the "baby of the family" for 5 1/2 yrs before DD2 showed up. DD1 can take or leave DD2, but I think mostly leave. The girls are currently sharing a room, so maybe that has something to do with the rivalry. DD2 is always getting into DD1's things. That will change next week when they get their own rooms.

DS and DD2 are very close, and DS is a HUGE help with her. Somethimes I think she looks to him almost as a parent.

[poky]

DS and DD2 are very close, and DS is a HUGE help with her. Somethimes I think she looks to him almost as a parent.

My mom has just one sister, 9 years older. She says it was like growing up with a second mom. They get along well, but they're not especially close.

We don't have kids yet but I don't have strong feelings about this. We want one kid, maybe two, and I'd like to space them two years apart but we'll see what happens. However, DH and his brother are a little over one year apart and I think this age difference was probably largely responsible for the enormous competition they had as kids/teens and even adults. They were never friends, though, which I guess is unusual given the fact that they were only one grade apart.

[DrWahoo]

I think the relationship you have with your siblings can also be influenced by the parents. Being the oldest I was pressured to be this moral compass for the whole family, while my younger sister who was 17 months apart was allowed to be a hellyin' and wasn't pushed academically. We hung out a little bit, but she was kind of wild for my taste. Then my two younger twin sisters who are 4 years younger than me, feel I was the worst sister ever because I ignored them for most of my life until they were out of high school. But now I am really good friends with one of the twins because she looked up to me when she was younger and likes to pontificat with me on various scholary subjects and was an excellent student. Overall though we all value each other, because my parents have great relationships with there siblings especially my mom and her sister.

DH and I have 1 son who is 2 years and 4 months. We're trying to decide when to start trying for baby #2. I thought I wanted to space my babies out about 3 years b/c that's what my sister and I are and we're super close. But with another cross-country move next summer, it just seems like bad timing to start trying now. We might have to space our children out a little more than I had originally planned.

I think it's more important that I have my babies when the timing is right in our family and with our situation than how many years will be between them. No magic number of years....each family is different and all children are different. :02:

[GrayMatterWife]

I don't think I have strong feelings about spacing between kids. We had to wait until I was 30 to have DS because DH was in MD-PhD (no real income) and I had to pay off $110K of law school debt.

This is kind of sad topic in our house. We would really like to have more, but I am not sure if that's going to happen. I just turned 34. DH is only a PGY3 in a 7 year program. I have to work, but I also am pretty much a single parent (like many, many of us on this board!). DH is never here. I am just not sure how much more I can handle--full time job, a toddler, plus all of our finances, family stuff, chores, etc. DH is supportive of whatever I want to do in terms of kid (it's pretty much my call, apparently--which is fair, I guess, since it will be all my responsibility!). He says it's OK if I want to wait, and try to get pregnant in his last year of residency. At least then we could move within the kid's first year to a large apartment (we have a two bedroom condo right now), and maybe hire some afternoon or weekend help with the kids. Or at least a once-a-week housekeeper.

Even though I had no problem getting pregnant on the FIRST try (literally, absolutely first time we tried for DS), but I will be 38 by the time DS begins his last year. I am not confident that I will be able to get pregnant again, at that age. But I am not sure what to do. So I guess I don't give much thought to what the ideal spacing between kids would be...I am just trying to figure out how we can have another kid and I don't completely snap.

[pstone]

3years 2.5 months should be ours....I am assuming it is the perfect age since it is to late to ah.....take back the ingrediants.

[pstone]

[rainbabies]

ds and dd are 12 months two weeks apart.

dd and dd are 16 months apart.

3 babes in less than 2.5 years. when we all(dd's and dh, mostly) started sleeping at night, it was a beautiful thing.

ds and i are insomniacs...and we're both up at least 3-4 times a night.

[peggyfromwastate]

I worry about this a lot. The spacing for us:

Kate to twins: 5.5 years

Twins to Luke: 3 years

Kate to Luke: 8.5 years.

Kate had a wonderful time as a "singleton", but was excited to have the babies come along. Luke really prefers Steven (they wrestle, play with cars and trains, etc), but seems to only enjoy terrorizing Izzy by taking her toys away. When Luke is out of the picture, Izzy and Steven play together and are really close. They are twins who generally get along and like each other, so I am lucky. Kate is the "big sister/rock star". All the kids adore her. I wouldn't say she will be a close "friend" with them, but maybe when they are all older (post college) they will be...

Kate has lots of friends who are only children, and most of them are jealous of her because she has brothers and a sister. Probably a "grass is greener" type of thing.

Anyway, if my kids aren't extremely close now or even when they are older, I hope that they are friends and that there are lots of little cousins (read GRANDBABIES!) running around. I would love huge family reunions! Trips to Disney! Etc!

I have actually considered that we should have another child to see if we could produce a little sister for Isabel. She really needs an admirer! (I know, terrible reason to have a baby. I'm just kidding, anyway, sort of...)