Stop Setting Alarms on My Biological Clock

[pstone]

I read it in newsweek and thought, give me a freaking break....That lady has way to much bagage for me. Get over it, people love their kids and want you to be happy loving yours too.

or be the cat lady...

[PrincessFiona]

Peter,

Can I come rub your belly?

:>

kris

[PrincessFiona]

I know, I know, I'll understand when I'm a parent.

Seriously, no one said that...and maybe your experience will be exactly like you hope. It probably will.

But here's a question for you.

Do your non-med spouse friends really "get it" about the lifestyle? Yes, they empathize and sympathize...but deep down...do they really get it? Some might...but I bet a lot of them don't. That's been my experience anyway. I think that we all here *get* the med spouse lifestyle best because we are going through it.....and as much as people can try and put themselves in our shoes it isn't really the same.

Quite frankly, you will understand some things differently once the baby is here...but that's not a qualitative thing...You won't be a better person for it...you will just join the ranks of moms who have gone before you and will come behind you....nothing more, nothing less. There is no extra value placed on that.

kris

Feeling lukewarm jumping in but here I go.

I agree with Jenn and Cheri.

Kris, I think there is a difference in HOW these things are said and by whom. The article is perhaps not directed at the type of interaction you had with your neighbor.

And people do have bratty un-disciplined kids. My kids have had their share of public outbursts as well but there are parents who are more concerned about being their child's friend or being liked by their kid.

I think the article is a bit over the top and she does sound like a royal grump (which might interfere with future pregnancy plans :>) but she has some points. I had a big group playdate planned for today. I'm not too sad it was cancelled because I'm sure the topic of conversation would have been coercing your finicky 3 year old to eat. *snooze* I can take, oh 15 minutes, of that and it is nice to share ideas. But there is a mommy vortex that people get sucked in to.

[rainbabies]

i hate play groups. it's nothing but one mother trying to out do the other. they suck and we NEVER go.

maybe that's why i dont know anyone here.

ETA: not to mention all the gross snotty noses and spit. yeah, i need help...i like cleanliness

[PrincessFiona]

Well, I guess I just don't get it. I'm totally with Peter on this one.

:huh:

I don't do playgroups either because that's not what I'm into...but when I was a non-mom, I didn't do sororities either. That's just a personality thing.

kris

PS...I'm not defending her because my kids are bratty or undisciplined either....in other words, just ask my tween daughter...I'm not her friend. But, I also understand that sometimes my kids can act bratty or inappropriate. Sometimes I deal with it well and YES, there are times when I just let it go because I'm exhausted.

I'm sure in those moments, someone might say "what brats...that mom sucks"....and then there are times when they are behaved like the angels that I know that they can be and people say "look at THOSE kids...why can't you be like them". Since I've been on both sides, I have nothing but empathy.

We can't judge the mom in the park by one snapshot in time of her and her kids...

[GrayMatterWife]

That's so funny that you posted this! I read it this morning, too, and almost did the same.

[planet]

You guys are too funny.

There are all types of people and when they become moms we get all types of moms. Obnoxious ones not exempt.

There are all types of people and when they become moms we get all types of moms. Obnoxious ones not exempt.

I agree. Just like some of the jerky people you go to high school or college with also get jobs and you get jerky co-workers.


I do have some good playgroups. arty: This one is just kind of a mixed bag but it's kids that my kid likes to play with.

But seriously, as far as inappropriate behavior, questions and undisciplined children, she lives in LA for crying out loud. What did she expect?

[SuzySunshine]

Do your non-med spouse friends really "get it" about the lifestyle? Yes, they empathize and sympathize...but deep down...do they really get it? Some might...but I bet a lot of them don't. That's been my experience anyway. I think that we all here *get* the med spouse lifestyle best because we are going through it.....and as much as people can try and put themselves in our shoes it isn't really the same.

I would say we used to get it from our medical friends as much as our non-medical friends. They know they lifestyle, some just think everyone should live it like they do.

I know things will change when we have kids, I know some of my thoughts about things will change but regardless of my experience and my thoughts there are WAY to many people in this world that try to spread their parenting just like there are WAY to many people in this world that try to spread their religion.

I will be pregnant how I and the baby want to be pregnant, I will be the type of mom I want to be. Just like who I marry, what I do for a living, what church we belong to, its my choice (our choice) and like most things in this world I hate it when other people try to say their way is better or judge you because you're not doing it the way they would or did do it.

[PrincessFiona]

Do your non-med spouse friends really "get it" about the lifestyle? Yes, they empathize and sympathize...but deep down...do they really get it? Some might...but I bet a lot of them don't. That's been my experience anyway. I think that we all here *get* the med spouse lifestyle best because we are going through it.....and as much as people can try and put themselves in our shoes it isn't really the same.

I would say we used to get it from our medical friends as much as our non-medical friends. They know they lifestyle, some just think everyone should live it like they do.

I know things will change when we have kids, I know some of my thoughts about things will change but regardless of my experience and my thoughts there are WAY to many people in this world that try to spread their parenting just like there are WAY to many people in this world that try to spread their religion.

I will be pregnant how I and the baby want to be pregnant, I will be the type of mom I want to be. Just like who I marry, what I do for a living, what church we belong to, its my choice (our choice) and like most things in this world I hate it when other people try to say their way is better or judge you because you're not doing it the way they would or did do it.

I agree...and you're going to be a great mom.

[GrayMatterWife]

As for touching bellies, I don't mind it as much when its someone I know well, my mom probably touched me like five times in one day this past weekend. I had one friend get close and point but she didn't really touch me, neither bothered me. Its the random strangers that I've had friends tell me about that are unacceptable.

I wasn't one of those women who was really "into" the whole pregnancy thing. I mean, I was excited, but I didn't turn it into a quasi-religious experience (looking back, I actually wish I'd had more fun with it...). But, that being said, I really did enjoy people (I know...not random strangers!)touching my belly if they asked if they could. It always elicited this HUGE smile--especially if he kicked just at that moment. There is so much unremarkable and depressing about the world--this was a cool thing for me to be able to share.

Plus, it made me look more human, and helped to disspell rumors about me being an evil alien that had morphed human form, sent here to melt my enemies with death rays and take over the earth to accomplish my bidding.

(Guess who got occassionally b*tchy with all those preggo hormones running through her veins?)

[PrincessFiona]

PS Just so you know, I'm not outing myself as crazy neighbor. I don't grope the bellies of people that I don't know...

[planet]

Plus, it made me look more human, and helped to disspell rumors about me being an evil alien that had morphed human form, sent here to melt my enemies with death rays and take over the earth to accomplish my bidding.

Do you mean the attorney or the pregnancy influence?

I am at a party chatting with a woman I know slightly. As her young son squirms out of her embrace, she slips her hand under my shirt.

No, it's the adult, not the kid. Kid's a son, hand slipper's a she.

I get Newsweek and read this. It was a grown-up who did that, and I couldn't get past it. We can skip the "touching pregnant bellies yay or nay" discussion ... I'm guessing NO ONE slips their hand under their friend's shirt. Clearly she does need new friends.

I thought her points were unnecessarily sharp and catty, but I've also never been faced with repeated unwelcome inquiries, comments, and innudendos about something that is so very personal.